


The Weight of a Galaxy

by StarDustWanderLust



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Force-Sensitive Reader, Minor Original Character(s), Original planet, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Reader-Insert, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut, Some POV Kylo Ren, The Force, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-07-10 06:56:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 48,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6971803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarDustWanderLust/pseuds/StarDustWanderLust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren is severely injured in a battle and left to die in a thick forest on your home planet.  Having been influenced by a strange dream, you adventure outside of your house only two days after the battle has ended.  Will the strange and half dead man you find in the forest drag you into the galactic war that you have been avoiding? Or maybe the war has already found you...<br/>(The story is supposed to take place a little after Star Wars: Episode VII)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Dream

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fanfic. that I have ever shared! ... We will see how this whole sharing thing goes... But seriously I hope everyone likes it! P.S. Commas and semi-colons are the bane of my existence! I just cant get them right! (Sorry!)

Ba Dum… Dum… Ba Dum…  
You could feel the unsteady heart faintly beating.  
Dum.. Ba Dum…  
It’s eeriness was unsettling.  
Ba Dum…  
Something was…dying. The thought sent shivers down your spine.  
Ba Dum… Dum..  
An urge to find whatever creature’s heart rate that it was washed over you. Maybe you could save it… you begin to run.  
Blurry shades of brown and green passed your vision.  
Where am I?  
At first your legs don’t seem like they want to stop running, but you force them to slow down and come to a walk. Turning your head side to side you take in your surroundings. Trees everywhere.  
This place is… familiar.  
Ba Dum.. Ba Dum…  
The trees were pulsing with each unsteady beat of the heart.  
Dum… Ba Dum…  
The whole forest shook as the beat grew louder. You were getting closer. You begin to run again and the further you go, the denser the forest becomes. Vines and mold growing all along the ground. The sun rays blocked out by the canopy of leaves overhead. The sense of someone watching you pricks at the back of your neck. Faster. The more you run, the stronger the unknown heart beat feels until you no longer can feel your own. You are consumed by the thumping and soon you feel your own body begin to pulse like the forest around you.  
Suddenly, you see a black mass lying on the forest floor up ahead. Stopping for a moment you sense the vibrations of the mass’ heart making the whole forest shake in an unsteady rhythm. You slowly approach it.  
Are those clothes?  
Hovering over the mass you realize it was a black cloak lying over what looked like an outline of a body. Shaking from the vibrations it was giving off, you kneel down and begin to raise your hand to touch it. You put your hand on the cloak and the vibrations immediately stop. Quickly your hand shoots back to your chest as the new stillness frightens you.  
Is it dead?  
No.  
You could still hear a faint thumping.  
Ba Dum… Dum.. Ba Dum…  
You grab a part of the cloak and for a brief moment you close your eyes unsure if you are ready to see what was underneath it. You pull back part of the cloak and your breath catches in your throat. A face outlined with wavy dark brown hair, eyes closed, lips slightly parted and a long scar running down the center stares back at you. You only get to stare for a second before the forest starts to tremble as a low voice commands,  
“Find him”.  
You try to look around to see who’s there but your vision goes black…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and constructive criticism are always welcome! I know this chapter is pretty short, but I have honestly written about 80 pages of this fic. already. I just really like this one :) Hopefully I will clean up the next chapter and post it soon!


	2. The Survivor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader-chan may wander into the forest only a full day after the battle on your home planet has ended. What could possibly go wrong??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea Chapter 2! I promise this one is a lot longer than the first! :) Also thanks for reading past the first chapter and excuse me while I figure out the whole posting online thing!

Blackness.  You feel yourself tense as your eyes adjust to the lack of lighting around you. 

_Where am I?_ you thought to yourself before realizing you were clutching something in both fists.

Unclenching your fists, you feel around you as you begin to see shapes forming in the dark. 

“My bed” you sighed as you realized you were tangled up in your bed sheets. 

Sitting up you let out another, deeper sigh of relief.  It was just a scary dream.  You knew you were shaken up from the past few days.  The war had finally reached your planet and literally battled it out right in your backyard. (Or at least the woods surrounding your house.)  You never thought that the battles would happen on Skog not since it was practically on the outer rim of the galaxy.  But it happened; the first order and the rebels in all of their war glory had found their way to your menial planet.  The battle lasted for three days and yesterday had been the calm after the storm.  Or at least you hoped.

The sun hadn’t come up yet but you decided that you probably weren’t going to be able to go back to sleep.  So you slowly made your way through your living room into the kitchen.  Your stomach growled as you opened the fridge only to find it practically empty.  You hadn’t gone outside for four days because of the warzone.  Unfortunately, even before the unexpected battle began, you were low on groceries.  Now, you were really out. 

_Looks like I’ll need to go into the city today._

Making your way to the sink to fill a tea kettle full of water, you thought about what the city would look like after all the chaos.  Surely there would be some serious damage to the place.  Everyone there was probably going crazy about the damages done.

_Maybe I should just look for some food in the woods instead._

The woods.

You looked out your kitchen window at the darkness shrouding the woods.  Normally you loved living in a house surrounded by woods.  It was peaceful.  But ever since the battle, there seemed to be this heaviness to the air surrounding your home.  You hadn’t gone outside yet but you could feel it; especially when you meditated yesterday.  Usually when you meditate you can sense the liveliness of the forest. You can feel the connection of every living thing, from the tiny ants scurrying on the forest floor to the Stoks whose tribes consider the forest their home.  While mediating you try to expand your energy to connect to the forces of the forest.  It grounds you and gives you peace. 

Yesterday, though, you could feel the turmoil of the forest and the creatures that dwell within.  You could sense death and you could sense anger.

_Do forests even get angry?_ You tried to chuckle to yourself.

Opening the cabinet you grabbed a box of tea from the middle shelf to put into the water.  Putting the box back you were reminded that you had a whole shelf-full of different tea boxes.  At least you weren’t going to run out of tea anytime soon.

You grabbed your mug and opened the door to your house.  This was the first morning in four days that you were brave enough to sit on the one doorstep you had.  Inhaling as you stepped outside, you could smell the wet leaves of the grass and trees.  There was a constant soft patter as rain drizzled around your home.  The rainy season was at its end but you never did mind the rain.  It always sounded nice as it pattered on your metal roof. The air was slightly crisp, but it felt good after being cooped up in your stuffy house.  You sat down and began to sip your tea and watched as the first rays of light began to fill the forest. 

Over time, the sun rose higher and the rain stopped to reveal a layer of thick mist on the forest floor. 

_Find him…_ The words rang inside your head.

“What a creepy dream” you shake your head almost as if you are trying to get the voice out of it.  But as you looked onto the forest the voice replayed over in your mind.

_Find him._

_Was there really someone out there to find?_

Of course there would be bodies scattering the forest floor because of the battle. It was possible that someone out there could still be alive holding onto any small hope that someone would find and save them.

_Maybe last night’s dream was more than just a dream.  Maybe someone is calling out to me. But is that really possible? To reach someone through their dreams?_

The urge to go into the forest lite like a spark of fire inside your soul. 

_You could go and look for some food to bring back.  It couldn’t hurt to just look around.  I would probably see dead bodies, but they were dead so they can’t harm me._

You stood up and went back inside your house.  Quickly, you showered and gathered your belonging.  You dropped to the floor and looked under your bed for your old E-11 blaster rifle.  It was something you found at a shady market place on another planet a few years back.  It was old but it still did the job.  You liked it because you could switch its settings from stun to kill.  You always kept it on stun.  Luckily, you only ever needed to use the weapon a select number of times.  You put the rifle in your brown sack, found your old grey cloak to wrap yourself in and headed out the door.

Convincing yourself that you were headed out looking for food and not a person; you decided to walk along a familiar path that you had made yourself.  It led to a grouping of apple trees a few miles from your house.

The forest was different.  The mist had not faded away yet, but you had roamed these woods so many times before that the worry of getting lost didn’t cross your mind.  What did worry you was the silence.  You couldn’t hear a single chirp of a bird, scurry of a small animal, or even the rustling of the tree leaves.  All you heard was the occasional snapping of the twigs under your feet as you hastily walked along.  The forest was completely still and the heaviness of the mist almost seemed like it was going to suffocate you and any other living creatures trapped in its grasp.  The peacefulness that normally surrounded you while you meandered through the forest was absent, and in its place there seemed to be a subtle feeling of anger pricking at your skin.

_Maybe I should turn around_ a voice in the back of your mind prodded.  But the urge you first felt to go into the forest had grown from a spark to a steady flame and you knew that you weren’t turning back. 

It was about a half hour of walking before you came upon your first dead body.  A rebel fighter was sprawled out across the forest floor in a pool of his own blood.  You glanced at him only for a moment before fixing your eyes on the path ahead.  You made sure that as you passed by him you were at least two arm lengths away just to be safe.  The smell of the dead body drifted under your nose as you passed and made you pick up your pace a little.

_What the hell am I thinking?  Coming out here after a battle! How many more bodies am I going to have to see or smell?_

You walked along for another few moments before the scent of death began to fill your nose again.  The mist was starting to clear and you could see the shadow of multiple bodies lying on the ground up ahead.  Part of you wanted to turn and go another way to avoid the whole scene, but another part of you wanted to walk right through the scene of death as if it was going to convince you to turn around.

_This is so messed up_ you told yourself.  Yet no matter how screwed up it seemed to be in your mind, you kept walking straight ahead. 

The trees around you began to show battle scars on them.  Marks left by guns and other weapons used.  Multiple bodies littered the ground and seemed to be growing in number as you walked further. 

_Why am I doing this? I need to leave!_ You thought as you walked on.  Now you wanted to stop, you needed to.  But your legs kept going like something else was controlling them. 

Suddenly an image crossed your mind.  An image from your childhood that you had tried so many nights to forget.  It was similar to the one before you: dead bodies in mangled positions, the stench of death suffocating your lungs… You snapped your eyes shut.

_STOP!_ You yelled at yourself.  Taking a couple long deep breaths you calmed yourself down a little and opened your eyes.  Your legs had stopped moving and for a moment you stood there as silent as the woods surrounding you.

You turned your head to the left and instantly froze as your eyes fell on a black mass a few feet away from you. 

_It couldn’t be… Could it?_

Your heart started pounding faster as you pinched your arm to make sure you weren’t dreaming.  Nope, you were awake.  Hastily, you made your way over to it.  Sure enough you saw that the mass was a cloak covering the outline of a body.  Thoughts were racing so fast in your head you couldn’t keep up with them.  You fell to your knees and watched as your trembling hand began to reach for the cloak.  You pulled back part of it and just like in your dream a mess of wavy dark brown hair was revealed. 

This time there was no voice to follow.  The forest remained deathly silent.  The body was on its side and you grabbed a shoulder to roll it onto its back.  The waves of hair slid to the ground as a male face appeared.  His eyes closed and lips slightly parted.  He looked peaceful, like he was only sleeping.  But you knew better.  Untangling the male’s body from the cloak, you saw deep gashes in his black armor.  But the wounds that were revealed had been cauterized instantaneously. 

_What did this?_

The slight rise and fall of his chest told you that he was still alive, but it was obvious he wouldn’t be for much longer.  You needed to get him help.  But how and who?  In an act of desperation you looked around as if one of the dead bodies surrounding you was going to just stand up and offer help. 

That’s when you realized something… He was different.

He was very different from the rest of the bodies who were all either storm troopers or rebels.  He didn’t have the outfit for either.  Your heart began to sink as you reached for his belt.  But what you were looking for wasn’t there.  Skimming the ground where he lay, your eyes soon fell to his hand closest to your body.  It was still slightly covered by the cloak, but it was obvious he was clutching something. You pulled back the cloak a little more.  In his hand was a mechanism; cylinder shape and a few inches tall.

The hilt of a lightsaber.

_What am I going to do?  He is obviously dangerous and by the looks of him it is safe to assume he is working for the darker side; the first order.  But… can I really just leave him here to die?  Even if he is working for the First Order that doesn’t necessarily mean he is totally bad.  Besides if I save him he probably wouldn’t treat me badly… right?_

You took a deep breath as you felt something inside you stir. 

You needed to help him.

Not letting your eyes off of the man, you grabbed your satchel shoved the lightsaber into it and fumbled around until you found your comlink.  It was old and rusty and it only had a small screen at the top where you could enter in who you were trying to get ahold of.  It didn’t project a holographic image like the newer ones did, but it was cheap and it did the job. 

It beeped signaling that the person you had just dialed was now on your frequency.

“Dez!” you practically jumped from hearing your voice break the silence around you.

“(Y/N)! What’s wrong?!” he answered quickly.  _One word and your voice betrayed your feelings._

“Listen… I need your help with something.  I’m in the woods right now and I need urgent medical assistance.  Can you track my signal to find where I am?”

“Of course” he responded.  “But first, what happened to you?  I need to know what medical supplies to bring with me.”

“Well…” you started but then stopped not knowing how to proceed.

“Well what?!”

“It’s not me that’s hurt… I was looking for some food in the forest this morning and found a man badly injured but still alive.”

“What!” his voice yelled so loud that you flinched and moved your device away from your ear.  “Why in the name of the Sith would you go looking for food in the woods only two days after a battle just ended?!”  “Of course you would probably find half dead people in the forest! The war was just brought to our planet and in case you didn’t know people are left to die on the battlefield of war!”

“I didn’t find people, just one person still alive” you stated a little defeated.  “Please I know that this man will be my responsibility, but you are the one with the medical background and I need help getting him back to my place.”

“You are crazy if you are going to take a stranger back to your place!”

“Well it’s not like he can do anything to me.  He’s barely holding onto life!”

“And what happens when I treat him and he gets to be in a better state where he can hurt you?”

“Well I am hoping he’ll be grateful for what I did and won’t want to harm me.”

“Yea well you better hope so” he started “and if I have to take care of him medically, then he becomes partially my responsibility as well.”

“Please Dez, I am begging you.  I can’t just leave him here to die” you pleaded.

“Fine.” You could hear him shuffling around.  “I’ll load stuff onto my med. vehicle and come and find you. But I swear once this guy starts getting better I want nothing to do with him! Stuff like this only brings around trouble.”

“Dez thank you so much! I can’t tell you how much this means to me!”

“You were always a softie for those that were hurt.  I should have expected something like this to happen after that battle just took place in our backyards. Just stay safe until I get there” he sighed.

“Will do!” you smiled and put the comlink back into your bag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo reader-chan you may be a little naive... but don't worry you aren't really naive! (Just wait and see)  
> -For those who are wondering: Yes comlinks are a thing in Star Wars!! I used my imagination for the description of yours though. Also, Star Wars E-11 blasters really do have the ability to switch from stun to kill! However, Skog is not a real planet in Star Wars and I made up Stoks as well.  
> Let me know what you guys think of this chapter!!


	3. Calm Before the Storm

You could hear the engine of Dez’s emergency vehicle off in the distance. 

You were lucky to have a friend like him. His people were native to Skog, and despite all of the scum trying to escape to planets in the outer rim, his people are still the dominate race on the planet.  They were smart; especially when it comes to medicine.  The planet is full of medical plants that Dez’s people, the Stoks, have been using for centuries.  With the advancements in medical technology that were brought to the planet by other races, the Stoks are now considered to be some of the best doctors in this section of the outer rim.  They could treat practically any creature you could name.  Their vast knowledge and intense training meant that they could help just about anyone they came across.

 

You didn’t look away from your friend on the ground until your heard Dez’s vehicle come to a stop and the thump of his boots hit the forest floor. 

His brown skin matched the color of the surrounding trees, and the green of his eyes matched the leaves on the trees and the green of his clothes.

He looked down at you and then to the body lying next to you.  His eyes widened and he held up one of his hands.  It was similar to yours except his had an extra finger.

“He doesn’t look like any old resistance fighter” he cautioned.

“I never said he was” you breathed in while standing to your feet.

“I just assumed that you wouldn’t be ignorant enough to call me out here to help someone from the first order.  But it seems that I was wrong.”

You rolled your eyes. _So dramatic._

“You can’t back down from this now, not after coming all the way out here with your supplies” you protested.

“I’m concerned for your safety” he stated.

“You know I can take care of myself.  Now just help me get him onto the stretcher and hooked up to your vehicle” you said as you walked around to the other side of the body.

At first Dez didn’t move.  You locked eyes with him for a moment and then snapped yours shut.  You took a deep breath in and as you exhaled you let a sense of calmness wash over you and extend out to your surroundings.  You knew he would be able to feel it. 

“Your lack of worry is what concerns me the most” said hesitantly as he began to walk to the back of his vehicle; the base of it hovering a good foot off the ground.  It was small, fast, and did the job it needed to do; navigate to emergency sites fast.  In the back was a tall but slim compartment that could be accessed from a single door.  It could fit two people uncomfortably; one laying down that was injured and one person sitting that would be attending to the other.  From the compartment he pulled out a worn down grey stretcher.

“You know my ability to stay calm is one of my few strengths” you smiled back.

“I wouldn’t call it a strength if your lack of rational fear gets you into potentially life threatening situations that could easily be avoided; like this one” he frowned.

“Look I know you’re mad but you can be mad at me later.  Right now let’s just focus on getting him the help he needs.”

Dez carried over the stretcher and laid it next to the body.  “There isn’t much blood here” he stated as he knelt down to examine the body closer.

You held your breath.  Obviously he was going to figure out sooner or later that the wounds were inflicted by a lightsaber, but you had hoped he wouldn’t figure it out until you were back at your place. 

“These wounds…this is odd.”

You watched as he began to piece it together.

“Whoever was attacking him must have fought with a lightsaber” he concluded now looking back at you.

“Yea I noticed that too” you said looking away.

Frantically he began moving the fabric around the body.

“I already searched the area.  I didn’t find a lightsaber” you lied.

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t use one as well! Just look at how he is dressed! He must be important.” Dez was breathing heavily now.

“Look I know what you are thinking but...”

“That’s it!” he said cutting you off.  “You are thinking he might be strong with the force and that if you save him maybe he will help to train you.”

“N-no!” you stuttered as you looked around; as if one of the dead bodies had heard what he just said.  Dez was the only creature on this planet that knew you were stronger with the force than the average creature. 

“If I wanted someone to teach me, I would have gone looking for them years ago!” you breathed.

His eyes scanned your face to see if you were lying.  But he knew you were telling the truth, you had talked with him about this before.

“Just help me get him onto the stretcher” you said as you began lifting up the man’s legs.  Dez reluctantly moved and helped you lift the rest of the body onto the stretcher.  You both loaded the body into the vehicle and rode silently back to your home.

You set up your new dying friend in your living room.  Dez had to make a few trips back to his place to gather all of the medical supplies he needed but after he had everything he worked well into the night patching the body up.

 

You woke up to your stomach growling the next morning.  Your body was sprawled across your bed.  As you stood up and made your way into the living room you saw the man from the woods lying on your couch with a couple of tubes hooked up to him.  In replacement of his black body armor and cape were bandages wrapping around his whole upper body and a blanket covering his legs. You heard the faint beating of a heart monitor.

For a moment you closed your eyes and let the beating encase you.  If this man was force sensitive then he may have put that dream into your mind the other night. 

“Good morning” you heard Dez’s voice echo from the kitchen.

You opened your eyes and walked towards the metal archway that connected your living room from your kitchen. You could see Dez sitting at the table, tea mug in hand.

“Good morning” you yawned.  “Were you able to catch any sleep last night?”

“No, but I slept the night before.  You humans need a lot more sleep than I do.”

“Don’t brag” you smirked as you made your way through the kitchen to grab yourself a cup of tea.  You stopped as you saw a loaf of bread and a pile of fruits on your counter.

“Brought it over with some of my medical supplies I picked up yesterday. You literally have nothing to eat here.”

“Yea I know” you sighed.  “Thanks you are the best”

“You’re not allowed to say that until you hear what I was able to do with your friend from the forest” he smiled as he spun his chair around to face you.

You chuckled; he always got excited over explaining his medical work to other people.

 “Just don’t use medical jargon when explaining because you know I can’t understand that stuff”

“But that takes half the fun out of it” he rolled his eyes.

You grabbed your hot tea and sat down across from him.  “At least you will still be having half the fun” you smirked.

Dez sipped his tea and with his eyes just peering over the mug, stared you down. You raised your mug to your mouth and imitated him.  Your relationship with him was certainly odd.  The both of you shared differing viewpoints on many subjects and argued frequently, but in the end he was your best friend. 

He finally gave in and began explaining, “I was able to stitch up your forest friend’s cuts very nicely. He didn’t have substantial blood loss because of the cauterization of the wounds.  However, one wound on his outer thigh was deep and I need to grow the muscle and tissue back. He is definitely suffering from a concussion and is currently in a coma.  A few of his internal organs were damaged along with a few broken bones. I had to insert micro bots into him.  They are the fastest thing that I have that will heal his insides and help grow back his muscle and tissue”.

“How long will it take?” you asked.

“Well, that’s the thing.” he began “All of the medical supplies I have taken are from my place and are pretty outdated. But they will still do the job.  If I’m going to keep this secret I needed to take the supplies that no one is going to miss. I can’t just leave my village with their expensive medical supplies to help save someone from the battle.  You know we Stoks are trying to stay neutral during this war.  If I was caught helping one of the wounded I could be shunned from my village and once word spread around to the other Stokian villages, I would be lucky to do medical work again on this planet!”

“I know” you agreed. “That’s why I wanted to take him back here to my place.  The idea of taking him to the city hospital crossed my mind for a brief moment yesterday, but I just can’t take him there.  The politics at that place are ridiculous! All of the Stokian doctors won’t work on patients from the battle, and the rest of the doctors are just washed up cracks that had to flee to the outer rim for who knows what!  I knew you wouldn’t be working on him with the best equipment, but you are still one hell of a doctor and I knew you could make do with what you have.”

“Yea well I’m great at my job and your great at yours” Dez replied trying to undermine the compliment you just gave him.

“Being a diplomat between the different races of this planet won’t help me in this situation” you sighed.

“But your ability to remain calm and diffuse difficult situations may help you when your forest friend wakes up” he added.

“When do you think that will be?”

“I’d give him a few days.  Right now I am making sure he stays under.  The microbots can hurt like hell sometimes and I don’t want him waking up in an aggravated state.  In a few days I’ll ease him off the heavy stuff and start loading him up on pain meds.  He may wake up when he’s on them, but he’ll most likely be pretty out of it.  You need to be careful if that happens.  We don’t want him doing anything rash.  I doubt you have any restraints here so I am hoping the state of his body will control him.”

“Maybe he won’t feel the need to get out of control.  Maybe he’ll be grateful that we’ve saved him and remain calm about the whole situation” you interjected.

“Yea… somehow I get the feeling that that is not going to be the case.” Dez laughed. “Besides, _you_ are the one that saved him.  Remember, I don’t want anything to do with this.”

“Yea but if he needs medical attention once he has woken up then it will become obvious quickly that I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Don’t worry!  I’ll try my best to make it so that he won’t need anything other than basic medical attention once he wakes up.  I’ll teach you what you need to know for that”

You nodded your head in agreement.

 

The next few days went by slowly.  The excitement was over and now you had to sit and wait until your new friend would regain consciousness.  Dez wasn’t able to stay around your place as often as either of your two would have liked.  One of his neighboring villages was badly damaged by the battle and everyone from his village was doing everything they could to help out.  He stopped in when he could and tried his best to teach you basic medical assistance so that you could keep your friend alive. 

You spent a lot of your spare time meditating.  The anger that you had felt in the forest seemed to be pricking more at your skin than ever before.  As the days went on you had a sinking feeling that maybe the anger wasn’t coming from the forest itself, but something or someone in it; or someone that you took from the forest and moved into your house.  You tried your best to remain calm and some meditation sessions you focused on trying to surround your forest friend with calmness.  It would dull the anger for a little while, but it always came back.

Luckily for you, you weren’t called in for any work.  The city was too busy trying to repair the damages from the battle.  Dez came over one morning for a few hours to watch your forest friend as you went into the city to do some grocery shopping.  You were surprised at how damaged it really was.  Many people had fled during the battle and the people who were left were desperately trying to piece things back together. 

About five days after bringing your forest friend to your house Dez decided to switch him onto painkillers.  He was convinced that your friend still wouldn’t wake up for at least another two more days.  However, that night as you were grilling some vegetables you heard a low groan come from the living room.

You froze almost instantaneously as your metal spatula dropped to the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea he's awake!! :) Its about to get real from here on out! hehehe  
> I hope my editing of this chapter isn't awful. I'm a bit tired tonight from my summer class that I am taking :/   
> Also next chapter will be split into two sections. The first will be Kylo's pov and the second will be back to Reader-Chan's pov. Seriously though, I am super excited to share my next chapter with you all!


	4. Awakening pt.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea he is awake!! BTW this is from Kylo's point of view! Enjoy! :)

Darkness and…Vegetables? He thought of the word as his stomach growled.  He smelled grilled vegetables.

“Ughhhh” he groaned.

CLANG! Something fell nearby him; metal on metal. The noise rang loud in his ear.

He tried taking a deep breath, but it was cut short by the pain coursing throughout his body.

_Where am I?_ he thought as he slowly opened his eyes.  His vision was blurry at first, but as it came into focus he realized he was staring at a metal ceiling.  His eyes floated downwards and landed on the sight of his bandaged chest. He tried to move his right arm but it was too heavy and too painful.  Instead it just twitched a little before falling limp. 

_What happened?_ He tried thinking back, but his brain was working in slow motion and his thoughts seemed scattered.

“Hello” he heard a timid voice call out.  It echoed like it was far away, but when he turned his head slightly to the side he saw a woman standing just a few feet away from him.

He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

_What is wrong with me?!_ He thought to himself as a spark of frustration ignited in his chest.

The woman held out her hands as if she felt the frustration and wanted to distance herself from it.

“It’s ok!” she said quickly “What you are experiencing right now is totally normal.  You were hurt badly but you are o.k. now.” She paused and then firmly stated, “You’re safe.”

A calming sensation began to creep its way through his body.  It began to smother the small flame of frustration inside of him and it began to make him sleepy.

_Stay awake!_ He thought to himself.  _You don’t know if this is someone you can trust!_

His eyelids began to close and the pulsing waves of calmness began to make his consciousness wavier until…

Darkness.

 

 

His eyes shot open.  The room was dimly lit with only a sliver of light streaming in from a window he couldn’t see.  The same grey ceiling was there to greet him as his eyes adjusted to the light. 

_How long was I out?_  

The smell of delicious vegetables was now gone and in its place was another smell that he couldn’t identify.  He tried again to lift up his right arm and succeeded.  The feeling of soreness in his risen arm began to creep into his mind and was followed by a stinging pain in his abdomen and legs.  He lowered his arm to throw back the blanket that covered his body.  He was wrapped in bandages from his shoulders to his feet.

  _Great_ he thought sarcastically. 

Then out of the corner of his eye he saw movement.  He snapped his head to his right only to be greeted by a sharp pain in his neck.

“You need to move slowly” a small voice warned him.

The same woman that he saw last time moved into the room and turned on a light.  He blinked a few times as his sight wavered while adjusting to the light.

“Where am I?” he managed to speak in a hoarse voice.

The woman paused for a moment before saying, “You’re on the planet Skog.  You were fighting a battle and were severely injured.”

Suddenly the memories of the battle came rushing back to him like a tidal wave.

_The mission.  Did I fail it?_

He contorted his face as the memory of his battle with Rey flashed before him.  She had become stronger and had succeeded in overpowering him. 

_Am I not strong enough?_ A small voice prodded at the back of his mind.  The spark of anger ignited in him once again.

He looked back at the woman who was still staring at him.

“What’s your name?” he questioned.

“(Y/N)” you replied hastily.

There was a pause for a moment as he looked you over. You were obviously in your sleeping clothes; only wearing a black halter top and black shorts that didn’t quite meet in the middle of your body leaving a small line of skin exposed.  Your eyes glistened in the light and the sense of curiosity for him shown in your face.

_Beautiful._ The thought raced through his mind but he banished it as quickly as it had come.

“What’s _your_ name?” you asked sounding more confident than before.

He didn’t know how to answer that.  _How much did you already know about him?  If you found out who he really was would you be still willing to treat him?_ He needed treatment and you were obviously doing something right since he felt better than the last time he had regained consciousness.

“You don’t have to answer me” you said after a pause. “I could tell you were important and probably with the First Order by the clothes I found you in. Being in the outer rim has left this planet, along with myself, detached from the war you are wrapped up in.  I don’t belong to either side of the fighting, and if you are afraid that I may have heard of your name before, I can assure you that I probably haven’t.  But still, if you don’t want to tell me you don’t have to.”

He stared at you for a moment, debating whether he wanted to search your mind to find out if you were lying or just believe what you said.  He didn’t trust you, but he was also unsure if he had the strength in him to search your mind right now.  He hated that he felt this weak and helpless.  It only made the anger in him grow.

“What if I just give you a name for now?” you asked trying to break the silence.

“If you feel that you have to” he said, his voice finally regaining its normal low register.

You smiled and looked at him a little more intently trying to decide on a name that suited him.

“What about… what about Ben?” you asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how did I do writing from Kylo's POV?? Let me know :)  
> I feel a little evil with the ending, but I am posting the second part of the chapter tonight! So really I am not that evil!


	5. Awakening pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to reader-chan's POV!

As soon as the name left your lips, you felt your body being thrust back into your living room wall.  As you slid down it and onto the floor, you desperately tried to regain the breath that had been knocked out of you.  But you were too slow.  You felt yourself being lifted into the air, pinned against the wall you had just collided with.  An invisible pair of hands was griping your throat and cutting off any air circulation. Your legs were kicking as if you could kick the force that was holding you. You tried to raise your hands to your throat, but they were frozen in place by another invisible force.

Anger.

You could feel it flowing from him and into the rooms of your house. You looked at him; black dots starting to block your vision.  You saw him now sitting up on your couch, hunched over in pain with his right arm outstretched towards you. His eyes were barely visible through his wavy hair, but you could feel their piercing stare.

Panic began to encase every inch of you as you struggled to break free of the invisible grip.  _So much for always remaining calm. I really fucked up this time.  This guy… the force is so strong with him. He’s going to kill me!_

“You’re with the rebels aren’t you?” you heard him growl.

The grip around your neck loosed enough that you could choke out “N-NO!”

“LIAR!” he shouted as he tried to stand up but fell right back on the couch.

The grip on your neck tightened again and the black spots began to block your vision. 

 _I am going to die._ You thought as an intense pain began to throb in your head.  Suddenly, the memories of the past week flashed in front of the blackness that was now your vision.  It was replaying fast and backwards like someone had hit the rewind button in your brain.  The speed of the memory finally slowed down as it rewound back to you finding your forest friend barely alive.  Then it skipped to your dream.  Your mind played through your whole dream backwards before skipping back to the voice at the end of it.

_Find him._

As the voice replayed in your mind you felt the grip around your neck loosen.  You felt your knees hit the floor and you doubled over gasping for air. 

“Snoke” you heard the man whisper.

You stayed on your hands and knees desperately trying to calm yourself and regain your breath.  When it was almost normal you lifted your head to look at your forest friend.  He was lying back down on your couch, eyes closed, with a hand pressed to his head.  You felt no pity for him as your head just felt like someone had split it open. 

“What the fuck?!” you seethed as a spark of anger ignited inside of you.  Your eyes locked onto the man on your couch.  You hadn’t felt this angry in a long time.

  _Where had this anger come from?  Was his anger seeping into me?_

“I saved your life! Brought you into my home! And this is how you treat me?!” you were shouting, eyes not moving from him.  Then you noticed it.  A red stain had formed on one of his bandages and was slowly growing in size.

You rose to your feet and carefully made your way over to him.  The bandage was covering a wound on his lower abdomen that Dez had stitched up. 

“You ripped open your wound didn’t you?” you hissed.

The man’s eyes opened slightly, his gaze falling just to the side of your face.

_Is he disoriented or is he really unable to look me in the eye right now?_

He was obviously in a lot of pain, but you were frozen with a thought dancing around in your head.

_I could let him bleed out.  I wouldn’t have to deal with him. He’s dangerous and I can’t fight against his force abilities. But…_

Your eyes scanned his body and then fell back to his face.  His eyes were closed again and your headache began to throb more than before. Your eyes scanned the few freckles on his face and the scar that seemed to divide it in half.  You thought back to how a few days ago you sat next to his unconscious body imagining what battles he had fought in to get a scar like that.  You remembered how you counted the freckles on his face because you were bored out of your mind. 

_His face is pretty nice to look at..._

You felt the anger inside you slowly begin to dissipate.

_I can’t let him die.  I may be crazy, but I can’t stand here and do nothing._

You took a deep breath and ran back into your room to grab your comlink and call Dez.  As you left the living room the pain in your head lessened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well things are off to a bit of a rough start... but they will get better :) Promise!  
> Let me know what you think about the story!  
> Thank you to everyone who has commented so far! Everyone is so nice! Your comments encourage me to write more!  
> (Don't worry, I have written so much more for this story and I can't wait to share it)


	6. The Force

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part of the chapter is a little short. Even though it shows up on here as being one chapter, it is really just the first part of one chapter. For the chapters that have two parts, I will always put both parts up the same day!

Dez was over to your place in record time.  You told him that your forest friend had woken up, but you failed to mention what had happened between you two.  Knowing that bruises would soon be sprouting on your body you dressed yourself in a grey turtleneck dress with long sleeves and tight black leggings.

“How is he?” Dez asked walking through the doorway.

“He is unconscious again and bleeding badly.  I’ve been putting pressure on the wound since I’ve called you.”

“Good” he replied. 

You watched as Dez quickly set up his medical equipment.  As he began to remove the bandage you went into the kitchen to make two cups of tea.  You never watched Dez while he worked on your forest friend.  Part of you felt like it might make Dez uncomfortable and the other part of you felt uncomfortable looking at a half-naked man you didn’t know.  So you always looked away.  Of course there were a few times when you had to change his bandages, but you only ever changed the ones above his waist. 

A picture of the man’s scarred chest crossed your mind.  You blushed as you remembered the outline of all his muscles.  _He certainly had the body of a fighter._

Shaking your head you poured the now hot water into two cups and put two tea bags into them.

“Tea is ready for when you’re done!” you called out to Dez.

“Thanks!” he called back.

 

Dez stared at you from across the table.  You both sat in silence for a long time.  You did your best to not let the memories of what had happened between you and your forest friend come to your mind.  You needed to stay calm around Dez, let him think that you had this all under control.

Finally, he spoke.  “So what happened when he woke up?” he asked leaning into the table.

“Not a whole lot, just like the first time he woke up” you replied calmly.  “He asked a few questions and at one point he tried to sit up, but he tore his stitch open.”

“It’s my fault his stitch tore open so easily.  I’m a little ashamed I didn’t stitch it up better. Usually it takes a lot for my stitches to tear.”

“Don’t worry about it.” You sighed. 

“So what’s he like?”

Your gazed drifted towards the living room not quite sure how to answer that question.

“I’m still not sure what he is really like… I haven’t really talked to him all that much and I think the medicine is still clouding his mind.”

“Yea that’s pretty normal” he stated.  “Still, don’t let your guard down.  You need to be careful.”

“I know” you said looking down at the floor.  Your neck and back hurt and your voice was a little hoarse.  Luckily for you, Dez hadn’t commented on it.  He probably thought you were just catching a small cold; or at least that’s what you hoped he thought.

Dez stood up to leave. “I need to get back before my village wakes up and wonders where I went off to in the middle of the night.”

“Ok. Well thanks for coming out here on such short notice.  You are a life saver, literally!” you chuckled.

“Don’t mention it.  Call me anytime”

You opened the door and Dez’s bald head glistened in the moonlight.  He wrapped a worn down black cloak around himself and disappeared into the darkness of the forest. 

_He’s so lucky he can see well at night_ you thought to yourself before turning back into your house.

You turned the kitchen light off and made your way back to your bedroom.  You stopped in the living room to look at the man on your couch.  With the moonlight dimly shining in the room you felt a sense of uneasiness prick at your skin.  Right now the man looked so peaceful, but just two hours ago he was anything but that.

Inhaling deeply you turned to your room and didn’t exhale until you were in bed. 

Your body ached as it hit the mattress.  You tried to imagine how it looked right now, but quickly decided that you didn’t want to think about it.

_You can do this._

You repeated the mantra in your head multiple times until you started to doze off.

 

You opened your eyes to see the sunlight from your window streaming onto your face.  Memories of last night instantly crept into your mind.

“Ugghhh” you exclaimed rolling over.  Your voice was even hoarser than before.  You touched your neck with your fingers.  It was tender and you could tell it was pretty swollen. _Great_ you thought sarcastically.

Sitting up you made your way to the bathroom that was connected to your bedroom.  You turned on the shower and let the hot water steam the room before finally deciding to take off your outfit from the night before.  Wiping away the steam from the window, you gasped as you saw your throat.   It was swollen and littered with purple and green bruises.  You began to shake as the realization of what really happened last night sunk in.  The man who did this to you was right outside in your living room. Your breathing became heavy as you seethed at the idea of just dumping his ass outside of your house and letting him fend for himself. If you hadn’t been naked at the moment there was a good chance you would have done it; but you turned away from the mirror and moved towards the shower.

 

You stayed in the shower until your fingers and toes were prunes.  Part of you was afraid to get out.  Part of you was afraid of what you would do to the unconscious man on your couch when you got out.  You could feel the bitterness clawing at your heart.

_Why is this happening?_

Normally you could remain calm through any situation, but last night just unraveled you in so many ways.  You needed a cool glass of water and some fresh air.  Walking back to your room and dressing into your clothes, you decided meditating in your backyard would be a good choice. 

As you left your bedroom for the kitchen you glanced over at the man on your couch.

His eyes were open and staring blankly at the ceiling.

You practically tripped over your own two feet as you realized he was conscious again.  Regaining your balance you instinctively took a step back and into a fighting stance.

His eyes drifted to you and then back to the ceiling.  His gaze was empty and emotionless.  You watched him for a few more seconds before you continued your walk to the kitchen, not letting your eyes off of him.  As you were about to pass through the archway out of the living room, you heard his voice.

“You re-stitched my wound”

His voice was deep and just as emotionless as his eyes.

“The doctor re-stitched it.” You said, but immediately regretted it.  Dez didn’t want you to mention him at all.

He didn’t seem surprised by your comment.  In fact he inhaled deeply and spoke again,

“Call me Kylo” he stated.

You turned to face him as a small smile twitched at your lips.

“Kylo” you breathed.

He was still staring at the ceiling and you watched as his chest slowly rose and fell to his breathing.  The bitterness inside you began to dissipate.

_Being able to give him a name made him seem more like a human and less like a... monster._

“Are you hungry?” you asked him.

“Yes” he replied.

For a moment you thought to ask what he would want, but decided against it.  He still didn’t deserve that sort of treatment from you after what he did last night.

“I’m making eggs” you announced.

He didn’t protest.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Reader-Chan be influenced by Kylo's negative energy??...


	7. The Force pt.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's POV!

He couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten a home cooked meal.  The food served in the mess halls on the ships of the first order was anything but home cooked.  He had gotten used to it though, they provided the nutrients he needed and that was all that mattered.  However, he couldn’t help but scarf down the food on his plate. 

He felt you watching as he ate.  You offered to make him seconds and he nodded his head in agreement.  By the time he had finished his second plate you were done your first.

You took the plate and as you headed toward the kitchen stated, “I’m going outside for a little while.  Do you need anything else before I go?”

“No” he responded.

His eyes met yours for a brief moment before you looked away and headed out the front door.

A part of him was concerned about where you were going.  If any resistance fighter knew he was alive they would certainly come looking for him.  But if you were going to turn him in he figured you would have already done so. 

_Whose side were you on?  Were you really neutral?_

Your dream flashed in Kylo’s mind.  Snoke’s voice echoed once more _“Find Him”_. 

If Snoke had put that dream into your mind, then he must have trusted you enough to care for him.  Kylo’s body relaxed a little at this idea.  He needed to get better and off this planet as quickly as possible.  He needed to plan his next move that would redeem his mistakes made in the last battle.  He needed to meditate and concentrate his anger from his failure to fuel his redemption.

Slowly sitting up on the couch he planted his feet firmly on the ground, hands outstretched to his knees, and closed his eyes.  The pain coming from the re-opened wound was enough to make him cringe, but he tried his best to ignore it. He began searching for the feelings inside of him.  Anger.  Hate.  A flame ignited in him and began to burn brighter by the second.  He was angry from his mistakes, from being beaten by Ren, for getting himself into the helpless state he was in now, and for probably ruining the mission.  He was angry at himself and he was angry at the other troopers for being incompetent enough to just leave him dying in some unknown forest.  The flame kept growing and began to illuminate the darkness in his mind with a red glow. Far off in the distance he saw another flame.  It was white and he could just barely feel it pulsing from where he was. 

_Someone else is meditating; someone with force abilities._

His first thoughts went to Rey, but she must have been long gone.  Still, he felt for her presence on the planet.  Nothing. 

_Who is this?  Someone native to the planet?_

He saw the white flame begin to grow brighter and a sense of calmness and peace seemed to be pricking at his skin.  The red glow around him became fainter as the white glow grew and carefully encased it.

The calmness seemed familiar.  He had felt it the first time he regained consciousness, it was what lulled him back to sleep.  He even felt it before then when he was barely wavering in and out of consciousness.

_(Y/N)_? Your name flashed through his mind.  _Could it be?_

If you were familiar with even just a little of the force it would have made it easier for Snoke to reach out to you and put that dream in your mind. 

_But how strong with the force is she?_ He questioned.  He needed to test you.

Taking a deep breath in, Kylo began to focus once more on his flame and on the emotions that drove it.  The red glow began to encroach on the glow of your flame, making the pulsations shake and become unstable.  In his mind he pictured the house and his red glow filling every inch of it. He proceeded to project the same image in your mind.  From the windows he could see your white glow on the outside; the pulsations becoming even more erratic as if they were desperately trying to break the windows and let the light seep into the house.  A small smirk formed across his face as he focused even more.  He wasn’t going to let your light in.  In fact, he had another idea in mind. 

After a few minutes he could feel his energy violently coursing through him.  Even the air in the house seemed like it was going to burst.  Inhaling deeply, the smirk on Kylo’s face grew.  His body may have been injured, but he could still use the force.  With one powerful exhale he burst the windows of the house allowing his energy and red light to seep out into the woods around the house.  He wanted to test you, but he also wanted to give you a glimpse of just how powerful he really was.  He wanted to let you know who was really in control.

But as he finished his exhale, he noticed that only a small portion of his red energy was being released into the bright light outside.  Your white light seemed to be blocking his from escaping.

Kylo’s eyes snapped open.  Shattered glass scattered the floor of the living room, but he didn’t care about that.  Anger was coursing through him stronger than before.

_How could SHE block my energy?!_

He outstretched his hand, beckoning for his lightsaber.  A moment later it came crashing through the wall that leads to your bedroom and landed in his hand.

_So that is where she had been keeping it._ He smirked again. You would not overpower him.

He went to stand up; his rage blinding him from his physical condition.  He stood on his legs for a moment before collapsing to the ground.

“Fuck!” he screamed as pain ripped through his body. 

On all fours, he dug his nails into the rectangular navy carpet that was jutting out from under the couch.  He was breathing heavily and after a moment he tried standing up again.  He lifted one knee off the floor and planted his foot onto the ground.  As he leaned his weight on his front knee to get his other leg up, the front door swung open. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like this chapter!! Does the force really work this way?? (I feel like it definitely could) Let me know what you guys think! Also, I know I said things will get better... and they definitely will! I just need to have some fun with Kylo getting angry first :)


	8. The Loss of a Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader-Chan's POV

You stopped dead in your tracks as your eyes took in the sight around you.  Your windows shattered, glass sparkling on your floor, and Kylo in the middle of your living room attempting to stand.  Your mouth dropped as you noticed the hilt of a lightsaber in his hands and a hole through one of your metal walls. Your body was shaking from what had just happened.  The image he had projected into your mind; it had taken everything you could muster to not let his darkness seep out from your house. 

_What would have happened if you didn’t stop it? Would the forest have been affected by his darkness? How much would you have been affected? How much were you already affected by it?_

Now however, you could no longer feel yourself shaking.  As the realization that you couldn’t feel any limb in your body hit you, you fell to your knees on the floor of the kitchen. 

Kylo looked up at you from between the strands of hair that was blocking his face.  He was panting heavily, sweat dripping down his body.  His bandages were bloodied again.  You both stared silently at each other for what seemed like hours.

Finally, you managed to catch your breath and regain just an ounce of your strength to ask the question, “Why?”

“Why?” he huffed in disbelief.

“Why would you do this?” you asked.

Kylo looked as you, scanning your face.  Before he answered your question he inched his way back up onto the couch.

“Because you can use the force” he stated in a low grumbling voice.  His eyes were fixed slightly downward on you.  “I needed to know how strong in the force you are.”

You closed your eyes and did your best to let a small sense of calmness flow through you and overcome the fear that was now pumping through your veins.  When you opened your eyes again and looked at Kylo, you saw him with his head tilted slightly back resting on the couch.  His eyes were closed as if he were in great pain, but he still spoke.

“My master, Snoke, put that dream you had the other week into your head.  He must have felt your connection with the force and used it try to convince you to rescue me.”

You shut your eyes tight as you felt your heart drop to your stomach. 

_His Master?_

You had been tricked by someone far stronger in the force than you.  You didn’t even know someone with the force could project images or ideas into someone else’s mind.  The growing weight in your stomach made your feel like you were going to puke.  You had been tricked to bring this man into your house and now he was probably going to destroy everything you had and most likely kill you as well.

“I won’t hurt you.” Kylo’s voice was slightly softer this time. “I need you to heal me and when I am healed, I’ll leave you alone.”

You slowly opened your eyes to find that tears were building up and making your vision blurry.

“ Oh you aren’t going to hurt me? Just like you didn’t hurt me last night!” you spat back at him.

Kylo leaned forward from the couch and looked you dead in the eye.

You quickly wiped away your tears so that you could do the same.  You were scared out of your mind and the realization that you might die here was growing fast.  But you were going to try your best to hide any ounce of fear from him.  Sure he knew you were afraid, but you didn’t want to give him the pleasure of seeing just how afraid you really were.

He scanned your face with his eyes.  He seemed to be searching for something.  Whatever it was, you wanted to be sure not to let him find it.  So you kept your face as emotionless as you possibly could.  Although, you had to admit that your face was probably betraying every emotion you were feeling right now.

“The name Ben..” he grimaced as he said the name “was an unfortunate choice on your part”.

You narrowed your eyes, slightly confused as to why the name Ben would cause him to go into such a fit of rage.

“Well how was I supposed to know?” you questioned harshly.

He sighed and relaxed back into the couch.  “I won’t lose my temper on you again.  You have my word.”

You looked away and rolled your eyes. _Like his word was supposed to mean something._

“You’ll just have to trust me on that” he stated.

The hairs on the back of your neck stood up.  This wasn’t the first time he seemed to have responded to something that you were thinking.

“Are you using the force to get inside my head again like last night?” you questioned hastily.

“You may have been able to block my energy, but you obviously don’t know much about the force.  Do you?” he asked in a demeaning manner.

You hated the tone he was using on you and you hated that he was sitting on the couch looking down at you.

Building your strength you slowly rose to your feet.  “I know enough to get by.”

You saw a quick smirk twitch at the right side of his lip, but it was gone after you blinked.

“My stitches need to be fixed again”

You stepped closer and looked him over.  His bandages were practically soaked in blood.  He was losing blood and definitely needed medical attention sooner than later.

“Yea well I’m not qualified to stitch you back up.  My friend is but he doesn’t want to come around you when you are awake.  He’s afraid of what will happen.”

“Is he a Stok?”

“Yea, and they are sworn neutral in this galactic battle.  They aren’t supposed to help anyone from either side.”

“If only that were true” Kylo huffed. “The Stoks favoring the rebels is what brought the First Order to this planet.  The hospital in the city has been secretly aiding the rebels”

Your eyes widened. 

“That’s not true.” you argued.  “They are sworn to neutrality, and as a diplomat for the city, I would know if they were doing something like that.”

Kylo was silent for a moment and the words he had said before replayed in your mind.  He was part of the First Order.  You could have guessed this, but still, to hear him say it made it real.

Kylo still hadn’t said anything.  His face was contorted and you noticed his hands were trembling.

“You’re losing too much blood” you stated as you stepped closer to him.

He opened his closed eyes and was staring off into the distance.  His mouth opened slightly as a little stream of blood began to flow down his face.

“Hold on!” you said frantically as you ran into your room to grab your comlink.  Quickly you called for Dez.

“Hey” he greeted.

“Dez, you need to come quickly!  He’s awake and he is bleeding out!”

“Wait, what?  How?” he sounded completely confused

“Look he is still conscious but not for long! He needs your medical attention now!” you demanded.

“Ok, ok!” he shouted back. “I’m on my way”

With that you ran back out to the living room.  Kylo’s hands were on his stomach and drenched in blood.  You sat next to him on the couch trying to decide where you should apply pressure.  Remembering where the wound was that had opened last night, you put one of your hands there.  The other hand you held to his jawline to wipe the blood dripping from his mouth away. His eyes scanned over to your face and met with your eyes.  You could feel your face showing signs of worry.

Why you were so worried you didn’t quite know.  This was a man that could kill you without lifting a finger.  You had the bruises to prove it.  Yet here you were trying to save his life when he could have easily ended yours last night or this morning. 

_Yet he didn’t_ you thought, and maybe that’s why you weren’t going to be the one to end his.

 

When Dez arrived to your house, Kylo still seemed to be slightly conscious.  You opened the front door to let Dez in only to be greeted by him gasping.

“What happened to you?” he demanded.

You had been so busy worrying about Kylo you had forgotten to cover up your bruises. 

“Shit.” You cursed under your breath. “My injuries don’t matter right now.  I’m not the one dying.”

“Well I’m not helping him if he did this to you.” Dez stated.

“He didn’t do this to me” you lied.

Dez narrowed his eyes and pushed past you only to stop after the first two steps.

“What the hell happened in here?!” he yelled.

You took a deep breath before turning around.  You hadn’t had time to clean up the shattered glass on the floor near where your windows used to be.

“Just fix him and worry about everything else later” you said getting agitated.

Dez spun around to look at you.  “Are you alright?”

“Yes! Please you need to help him.  He’s dying!”

Dez held his gaze for a moment longer before turning around and walking over to Kylo.  You watched as he started to unravel the bandages, but turned away after a minute. 

Sighing you decided you should probably start to clean up the broken glass.  Taking a broom out you began sweeping the kitchen floor.  You heard Dez mumble something and you strained your ears to hear what he was saying.

“I’m glad you are conscious to experience this.  After what you did to (Y/N) I don’t think you deserve any pain meds. to help ease the pain of me stitching you back up.”

You froze.  Dez was angry.

“AHHH!” you heard a shout from the living room.

You peered around the kitchen corner to see Dez opening one of Kylo’s wounds up and sticking something inside.

“What are you doing?!” you shouted.

“His internal organs are damaged. He needs more bots inside of him to repair them if he is going to get better.” Dez replied calmly.

“Give him some pain meds.” you demanded.

“No.” he stated sharply. “I will fix him because you asked me to, but he needs a taste of his own medicine.”

“Dez” you pleaded.

“Don’t make me any angrier!”

You spun around on your heels, unable to look at what was happening in front of you.  You had never seen Dez like this; he was trying to get revenge.

You took a deep breath in and for the first time felt the anger that was left over from Kylo’s meditation session earlier. 

_Was it affecting Dez?_

You sighed and continued with your sweeping.

Dez worked well into the night stitching Kylo up.  Kylo screamed a few times in the beginning, but must have passed out later because he became completely silent.  You were asleep on your bed when Dez came into your room.

“(Y/N)” he shook you awake.

“Yea” you said sleepily.

“He’ll live” he stated.

You were about to say something back but Dez just turned around and walked out of the room.

Quickly you jumped off the bed and caught him as he was leaving through the front door.

“Dez wait! I’m s..”

“Don’t call me again next time he needs help” he cut you short.  “I won’t help him anymore.”

You pinched your eyes shut.  You couldn’t blame him for saying that.  You would probably say it too if you were in his shoes.

“I understand” you nodded.

He turned back around to look at you for a moment.

“I’ll stop by again in a few days to make sure you’re still alive.”

“Dez, I’m not going…”

“Don’t” he cut you off again. “I don’t know what kind of delusions you have in your mind but this man is dangerous and you should have left him in the forest to rot.”

With that he turned around and left.

 

The next morning you woke up with an ache in your heart.  You had potentially just lost your best friend last night.

“What am I going to do” you groaned as you face planted into your pillow.

You laid there for a while trying to imagine what you would be doing right now if you hadn’t gotten yourself into this mess.  Maybe you would be helping Dez aid the neighboring villages.  Or maybe you would be helping out in the city.  Surely the politicians you work for could find something for you to do.

Your thoughts eventually floated to the idea of the hospital and what Kylo had told you last night.  If some of the Stok doctors had been aiding the resistance, they were breaking their peoples rules that were set in place hundreds of years ago.  But also, how would they go unnoticed?  Ever since the planet Skog was discovered by outsiders, the Stoks tried their hardest to stay neutral to other races conflicts.  Not all of the doctors in the hospital were Stokian.  If anything you would have thought that the other doctors were secretly aiding the First Order.

Deep in thought, you rolled over onto your back.  The idea of the Stoks secretly helping the resistance didn’t sit well with you.  Maybe it was because you were close to them and they hadn’t let you in on their secret.  Working as a diplomat on the planet you were constantly trying to diffuse arguments between the different races that came here and make sure that the Stoks still had a voice when it came to major decisions about the planet.  They, after all, were the original inhabitants of Skog.  Making sure the Stoks had a voice, placed you on the good side with just about every Stok; and your great relationship with Dez helped as well.  He was the one who had brought you to this planet in the first place.

Sighing, you stood up.  Your relationship with Dez was definitely at an all-time low, but it wasn’t something that couldn’t be repaired.  He said he would be back in a few days to check on you so you knew you had time to work out an idea on how to mend it.  For now, you needed to think about how you were going to deal with Kylo.  As you begrudgingly made your way into the living room you looked over at the couch.  Unsurprisingly, you saw Kylo was laying on it with his eyes staring emotionless towards the ceiling.  He was grimacing which was the only sign about how much pain he was actually in.

“The pain” you started “if it is unbearable, I can run into the city and try to buy some medicine”.

“I can deal without the medicine” he stated dryly, eyes not moving from the ceiling.

You breathed out and maneuvered your way to the kitchen.  There on the counter was a small pill bottle with a note attached to it. 

_Give them to him only if he deserves them. –Dez_

You smiled as the image of Dez flashed in your mind.

“Are you sure you don’t need any?” you asked Kylo as you made your way back into the living room to show him the bottle.

His eyes looked over at you but his facial expressions remained unchanging.

“I can deal with the pain without any assistance from your doctor’s medicine”

He was being stubborn and you both knew it.

“I’m sure you can.  But that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t make your life a little less miserable to take two” you argued.

“Enduring misery is what makes me stronger” he replied.

“Fine. Suit yourself” you chuckled but still placed the bottle on the corner table next to the couch.  “If you change your mind, they’ll be right here”.

You went back into the kitchen and made breakfast.  This time it was an assortment of mushrooms in clear broth.  Again, Kylo scarfed down two bowels before you had even finished your first.  When your meals were done you cleaned the dishes and made your way back into the living room, sitting your back against a wall perpendicular to Kylo.  You looked over at the pill bottle and noticed that it was in a slightly different place than where you had left it.  You smiled, maybe he wasn’t as tough as he let on to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea now everyone knows why the hell Kylo was on Reader-Chan's planet in the first place! The plot thickens...  
> Do you like how the story is going so far?? Comment and let me know :)


	9. 20 Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's POV

He watched as you sat down, leaning your back up against the wall.  He saw the smile spread across your face and followed your gaze to the pill bottle that resided on the table next to the couch.  You had caught him.

_She’s more perceptive than I thought._  

A question began to form in his mind.  _Did Snoke chose (Y/N) to send the dream to because she was the only being close by that was force sensitive, or is Snoke planning to use her for something else besides just saving me?_

Kylo’s thoughts were interrupted as you asked, “How did you get that scar on your face?”

He was caught off guard by the question; as his surprise was written on his face.  Not answering he watched as you moved your hand to scratch the back of your head.

“S-Sorry” you stuttered “I’ve just been wondering that ever since I first saw you”.

He raised an eyebrow but answered, “I got it in a battle.”

“Yea obviously, but what kind of battle? Was it with another force user?” you asked as excitement grew in your voice with every word.  Kylo saw your eyes light up as the idea of an epic battle danced around in your head.  He caught himself staring into them for a moment too long and quickly averted his gaze.

His surprise began to wane as he realized that you probably had never run into anyone else who is force sensitive, especially not to the level that he is. It would make sense that you were curious about him. 

Something seemed to shift inside of him.

“I’ll answer one of your questions if you answer one of mine first” he stated.

“But I asked you the question first” you complained.

“And I answered your first question.  Now it’s my turn.”

You huffed a ‘fine’ and let him think of a question to ask.

“Have you ever been trained in the force?” The question had been weighing on his mind since yesterday.

“Well that is a loaded question” you answered.

Kylo didn’t say anything and waited for you to give him the actual answer.

After a pause you replied, “I was never officially trained.  When I was young, a village elder sensed my abilities and tried to explain the force to me.  She was unable to use the force herself, but she knew a lot about it.  I was able to learn the basics from her, but… our relationship ended before I could learn any more.  From there on anything I learned I taught myself.”

Kylo listened intently, extending his feelings to catch if you were lying.  You weren’t and he was a little surprised at your truthfulness.

Honoring his word he replied to your question. “The battle in which I obtained this scar was against a Jedi.  The same Jedi who has put me in the condition that I’m in now” he said bitterly.

He saw your eyes widen and he began to question if he had said too much.

Changing the subject he continued, “Yesterday you blocked my energy.  What other force abilities can you utilize?”

“Not a lot” you admitted “but if I told you what I can and can’t do then that puts me in a vulnerable positon.”

Kylo’s temper simmered with this reply. “You are already at a disadvantage seeing that I’ve been trained my whole life in the force.  I already gave my word that I will not harm you.  What more do you want?”

You let out a breath as Kylo took a deep breath in.  He needed to stay calm if he was going to convince you to finish healing him.  He needed to show you that he could be trusted… for the time being.

“Honestly, I use the force to diffuse situations.  I muster up a sense of calm within myself and then I am able to spread it to the people around me.  Although, the past few days I am wondering if my ability to do that is waning.”

“What else?” Kylo demanded trying to be as gentle as he could. (Which was not gentle at all.)

“I can sense things that a lot of other creatures can’t, and my reflexes are a lot better than they should be for a human; but besides that not much else.”

Kylo nodded.  Greater sense of awareness and heightened reflexes were common traits of a force user.

“Where did you put your lightsaber after yesterday?” you asked with a shaky voice.

He could tell that a part of you was afraid to ask the question.

“I hid it underneath the couch where it will remain for the rest of my stay here” he replied sternly.

He could tell you didn’t like that answer, but you gave him a quick nod as a sign that you would accept it.

“The doctor that treated me, are you sure he hasn’t told anyone else about me?”

Kylo saw your mouth open as if you were going to reply right away, but you held your tongue.  He watched as you debated the answer to his question in your mind.  He studied your facial expressions and the way you ran your fingers through your hair.  When you looked up and met his gaze his heart fluttered for just a moment.  He furrowed his brows and tried his best to swallow the feeling in his throat.  He had no time for superfluous emotions.

With your eyes now glued to the floor, you answered “He wouldn’t betray me like that.  He is mad that you have hurt me, but he knows that if I was caught secretly helping a solider from the war, it could ruin my reputation.  However, he told me last night that he is refusing to help you anymore.  So I suggest you stop opening your wounds and let yourself heal properly.”

Kylo’s gaze drifted back to the ceiling.  You were right.  He needed to control his anger and let himself heal properly.  He knew Snoke would need him as soon as possible.

“You’re right” he replied softly.

There was a few minutes where neither of you spoke.  Kylo had closed his eyes and was starting to drift off when you finally took your turn and asked another question.

“Why are you with the First Order?”

Kylo didn’t open his eyes.  That wasn’t an answer he was even going to try to begin explaining to you. 

_She may be a force user, but she is isolated out here on this outer rim planet. The less she knows about my life the better._

“I’m done answering questions” he stated.

“B-but wait! That’s…”

“Enough!” he cut you off.

After a few moments he heard you sigh and stand up to leave.  As the sound of your footsteps lessened, he thought about what your life might have been like if Luke had found you and convinced you to train under him.  The image of you on your knees crying at the tip of his own lightsaber came into mind.  He would have killed you like the rest of Luke’s trainees.  His heart lurched at the thought, but he reflected on it for a while longer.  He needed to if he was going to suppress the unwanted feelings he had rising in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter isn't too eventful but the next chapter totally makes up for it!! I will probably post the next chapter soon since I really like it :) What does everyone think about how I am writing Kylo? I like writing part of the story from his POV and I am open to suggestions on how to write him better!


	10. Intruders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader-Chan's POV!!

The next week and a half went by slowly.  Dez had not returned to check on you, but there were a few times that you could sense his presence nearby.  He would probably ride by your house and listen to make sure nothing horrible seemed to be going on. 

You and Kylo seemed to be getting along a lot better.  You didn’t ask him any more questions about himself, but you did figure out that he liked talking about the force.  You talked to him a lot about different techniques people were able to utilize the force for.  He seemed to have a vast knowledge of it in both the light and dark side.  It became obvious which side he utilized, but that didn’t surprise you. 

You both agreed to a truce with meditating. He meditated at night and you in the morning. That way there would be no face off like last time.  Although one thing that did bother you was that now when you meditated you noticed that the light you focused on seemed to have a slight grey tint to it.  Part of you thought it might just be your imagination, but another part had guessed that your conflict with Kylo might have left a mark.

As the days past, Kylo did seem to grow more irritated.  But you would too if you were confined to a couch all day and night.  Sometimes while meditating, you would try to extend your sense of calmness over to him.  Some days he would let it surround him, but other days he would block it completely.  If he did block it you withdrew not wanting to make him angry.  You could still feel anger seeping out from him most of the days and you couldn’t tell the extent of how it was affecting you.  However, one effect you definitely felt was at night when you were trying to sleep.  You would lay awake feeling a foreign mixture of anger, loneliness, and a little sadness.  It kept you up, but you didn’t know how to address it.  If Kylo was feeling like this and it was enough to seep out and affect you, you couldn’t imagine the burden it must have on him. 

 

One night you were both sitting in the living room exhausted from the day.  You had gone into the city to buy more groceries, some clothes for Kylo, and to see how things were looking. When you returned you found that Kylo had spent the day trying to stand and walk on his own.  Of course he would try to do this when you had left.  If you had learned anything about him, it was that he definitely had a strong sense of pride.

Now he was sitting on the couch reading a book you had once picked up on your travels around the southern part of the galaxy.  The book was titled ‘War and Peace’ and he seemed to find it pretty interesting.  You were sitting at the other end of the couch watching a small hologram of your favorite movie.

As the movie was displaying its ending scene, you felt a pair of eyes on you.  This had become somewhat of a common occurrence.  Not looking away from your movie you began to recall instances from the past few days where you caught Kylo staring at you for a moment too long.  At first these instances worried you, but now they made your heart flutter ever so slightly.  He was after all pretty damn handsome, and you certainly weren’t going to argue if a guy as good looking as him maybe thought that you were good looking as well.

Knowing that it was obvious that you were avoiding his gaze you shifted your eyes to look at him.  His body was turned to face you, feet on the couch with his knees bent up, his book resting open on his knees.  His gaze however, wasn’t on the book, but peering over top of it analyzing your face.  Your eyes met but unlike the last few times he didn’t look away.  You felt your heart begin to pump harder.

“Do you sense them?” he asked, his voice lower than usual.

Knitting your eyebrows together you tried to make sense of what he just asked.

“Expand your feelings” he instructed.

Taking a deep breath you expanded your senses and suddenly you knew what he was talking about. 

There was a small group of creatures coming through the forest towards your house.

“Do you sense the danger they bring with them?”

You nodded your head and rose to your feet. They were still a ways off.  Usually you didn’t sense the danger until it was a lot closer to you. It wasn’t uncommon for creatures with fowl intentions to wander from the city and make their way towards your place. You doubted they were here because of Kylo; most likely they were here for you.  Sometimes in your field of work you made enemies.  But still, if they recognized him it would be unfortunate for the both of you.  

“You need to hide somewhere” you instructed Kylo.

“You can’t fight them on your own” Kylo stated.

“What makes you say that?” you questioned him.  Not waiting for him to respond you added, “This is not the first time I will need to defend myself and it won’t be the last.  I may not be that strong in the force but that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to fight.”

Kylo looked at you doubtingly.

_Sheesh does he not believe me? Is it really that hard to believe that I know how to put up a fight?!_

“Alright” Kylo agreed.  “But if I sense you are in danger I will aide you.”

This caught you by surprise.

“But what if they recognize who you are?” you protested.

Kylo’s gaze was locked with yours. “You have saved my life.  I will not let you die while I am under your care.”

His words sent shivers down your spine.  He held your gaze for a moment longer before he shut his book and slowly began to stand.  Quickly, you rose to his side and helped him up.  Once up, you let go of him and he began to walk across your living room floor.  His face showed not only his pain, but his determination as well.  You stood there for a moment admiring him.  He was wearing the new black pants and long sleeve shirt you had bought him earlier that day.  The shirt outlined his muscular arms and back. You almost went for a bagger shirt but right now you were more than thankful that you ended up picking the form fitting one.  Your cheeks grew hot as a flush of red brushed across them.  You were glad his back was turned so that he couldn’t see you admiring him. 

Suddenly, his lightsaber hilt flew out from under the couch nearly brushing against your leg and into his hand.  You let out a yelp in surprise. You heard him chuckle as he turned into the bedroom.  Letting out a sigh you followed him in to retrieve your gun from underneath your bed.

 

You were perched on top of your house when you heard the voices of the creatures growing louder. There were three of them and as their shadows came into view you recognized them.  They were three Muuns that you had met while at your job a few weeks before the battle.  They were looking to set up a better banking system in the city.  You didn’t need your force abilities to know that they were trouble when you first met them.  You learned from your earlier travels that Muuns were always looking for ways to scam people for their money.  They couldn’t be trusted and your knowledge of the Muun race was the main reason why the Stoks had turned down their business offer.  You thought they had left Skog after their offer was rejected, but maybe they had returned to try and take advantage of the city in its pathetic state after the battle.

Trying to draw their attention to the top of your house, you aimed your gun and stunned one of them as they entered into the clearing.  The stunned Muun fell to the floor and the other two began to shout and point to the top of your house.  You hid on the other side of your dome shaped ceiling. 

_At least they won’t be looking for me in the house._ You thought as an image of Kylo flashed in your mind.

Peering around your dome roof, you saw the Muuns coming around the side of your house; one on either side.  Quickly and as silently as possible, you slid down your roof and onto one of them knocking the gun out of his hand.  He yelled as he fell to the ground but you swiftly aimed your gun and stunned him.

_One more to go._

You could hear the other Muun coming around from the other side of the house.  You readied your gun and shot the instant you saw him.  Unfortunately, he shot a second sooner.  The blast from his gun hit your gun as he dodged your blast.  The gun went flying out of your hands.  The Muun shot again and you instantly ducked and rolled off to the side. 

_Shit!_ You screamed to yourself.

As you stood up from the roll the Muun aimed his gun and yelled, “Stay there or I shoot”.

You stood frozen in your place as he slowly approached you.  You felt another, familiar pair of eyes watching you as a small pain began to form in your head.  Remembering that you were on the side of your house that had a window into your bedroom you knew Kylo was watching. 

_But would he really intervene and save you?_

The Muun didn’t stop closing the distance between the two of you until he was only a few inches away.  He began to talk, but your thoughts drowned out his words.

_Is this guy an idiot?! I could totally reach out and disarm him right now!_

And that’s what you did.

Ducking to avoid the barrel of the gun you raised your leg up from the side and sent it flying towards his gun knocking it right out of his hands.  Surprised the Muun stepped back, but you were next to him before he could figure out what to do.  Knowing that the anatomy of Muun’s hands and wrists were almost identical to your own, you grabbed his hand and snapped it back an unnatural angle.  The Muun howled in pain as you let go of his now broken wrist.  In pure anger he swung at you with his other arm.  In one step you not only caught his wrist allowing it to follow its path of projection, but you ended up behind him.  As he stumbled to catch his balance from the punch, you slightly pushed him from behind.  This gave the extra force he needed to fall to the ground.  Still holding onto his wrist you twisted it in another unnatural position as your knee fell onto his shoulder. With the Muun’s arm against your body, you twisted until you heard three pops and the Muun yelling in agony.  With one arm and both wrists completely broken, you backed away from the Muun towards your gun.  He was too consumed in pain to stand up right away and this gave you enough time to grab your blaster and stun him.

You let out large sigh as you watched the Muun twitch on the ground before going completely limp.  This was usually the part where you would call for help from the city’s law enforcement if you hadn’t already done so.  However, with Kylo in the house you knew you would have to figure out what to do with the Muuns on your own.

_“(Y/N)”_ Kylo’s voice echoed inside your mind.  The small pain in your head was still there.  _Have you been inside my mind this whole time?_  When there was no reply you quickly made your way back into your house to make sure he was alright.

You saw the door frame to your bedroom partially holding Kylo up as he leaned against it.

“You can fight” he said; a surprised expression on his face.

A smile crept across your face as the idea of Kylo admiring you toyed in your mind.

“Of course I can fight” you replied boldly placing your hands on your hips. “How else would I have survived in this galaxy for so long by myself”

Kylo looked at you with a puzzled expression.  That’s right; you never really did tell him about your past before your time on Skog.  You had alluded to it, but he never pressed for you to explain so you didn’t.  Your cheeks began to flush and you quickly changed the subject.

“What do you think I should do with these three Muuns? Normally I would have law enforcement come and take them away, but I don’t want them coming around my house.  Not with you here.”

“Kill them and bury their bodies” he stated plainly.

“What?! I can’t do that!” you practically yelled at him.

The look in his eyes changed to that of annoyance.  Suddenly a question came to your mind…

_How many creatures has Kylo killed to say something like that with such ease?_

“I-I’ve never killed anyone before” you said looking down at the floor like it was something you were ashamed to admit.

“Call your doctor and have him take care of them.” Kylo suggested as he pushed past you and laid down on the couch. 

The pain in your head lessened.  Your eyes widened as you realized he had been in the back of your mind this whole time listening to your thoughts.  Sighing and refusing to look at Kylo you made your way into your room and grabbed your comlink to page Dez.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this chapter sooner, but I ended up going to the beach for the weekend.  
> What does everyone think about the fighting scene? Did I write it well? Did you understand it??  
> Also, yay for strong Reader-Chan!


	11. Heavy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's POV!

 

Kylo was almost asleep on the couch when he heard a knock at the door.  Not opening his eyes he listened to you shuffle to the front door and greet your doctor friend Dez.  Kylo was definitely not interested in interacting with him; especially not since their last meeting.

“Some friends of mine have taken care of the Munns” Dez stated.

“Thank you” you sighed with relief.

“How is everything? Your bruises seem to be just about gone.”

Kylo had noticed that too. Your bruises were healing quickly and he was glad that the reminders of his outburst would soon be gone.

“Everything is going fine” you replied. In more of a hushed tone you asked, “You haven’t told anyone about Kylo have you?”

“No” Dez replied. Sighing he offered, “Do you want me to look at his wounds? Make sure they are healing alright.”

“Dez, I’m not going to make you do that. I know you don’t like him being here.”

“Yea well the quicker he heals, the quicker he leaves.” Dez replied bitterly.

With that Kylo heard footsteps leading into the living room.  He slowly opened his eyes and sat up while trying to control the anger that was growing in his stomach.

His gaze met with yours as you said, “Dez is here to look over your wounds and make sure everything seems alright.”

“His assistance is no longer needed” Kylo stated only looking at you.

He watched as you froze not knowing what to do or say. He then hardened his gaze and looked at Dez.  Kylo knew that Dez had every right to treat him badly because of the way he had first treated you.  But that understanding didn’t mean that Kylo had to be nice to him.

“I see” Dez replied looking towards you.  “I guess I will be going then.  (Y/N) if you need anything let me know.”

You smiled at Dez and began to walk him back towards your door.

Kylo heard you thank him for his help before shutting the door and returning to the living room.

“You could have been a little nicer” you frowned at Kylo.  “He did save your life like three times.”

“I appreciate his assistance, but like I said it is no longer needed.  I just need my rest; the bots inside me will finish their work and I will be healed.”

Kylo smirked as you rolled your eyes at him.

“Whatever” you said “I’m going to bed.  I’ve had enough excitement for one day.”

With you out of the room Kylo sat up on the couch and began to meditate.  He started his session by trying to call out to Snoke, but like the previous nights he couldn’t reach him.  Kylo wasn’t worried; he knew that when the time was right Snoke would instruct him on what to do next or where to go.  As Kylo continued to meditate a thought kept resurfacing in his mind.  

_What if I could train (Y/N).  She certainly showed potential with her force abilities and her ability to fight._

But with this thought Kylo remembered the words you had thought earlier ‘ _How many creatures has Kylo killed to say something like that with such ease?’_

Kylo sighed and opened his eyes.  _If she knew who I really was she certainly wouldn’t want to help me.  If she knew all of the lives that I had ended, she wouldn’t have tried to save me. If she knew the true power of the dark side, she would never want to join me._

Those thoughts sent a sharp pain into his chest.  Try as he might he was struggling to fight the feelings he was harboring inside for you.  A picture of you fighting off the Muuns rose in his mind.  He thought back to the fight earlier and how surprised he was.  The way your body moved, your swiftness and ease, it had stirred something inside of him.  A pool of heat gathered in his lower stomach and the pants around his groin grew tighter.

“Fuck!” he spat.  He couldn’t let this happen to him.

A spark of anger ignited inside of him.  He couldn’t let you have this sort of hold on him.  His breathing grew ragged as his anger began to build.  He needed to calm down, but he couldn’t.  He had been trying to suppress his anger; afraid that it would scare you away.  The hairs on his arms stood up as he felt another sense pricking at the skin on his body. Closing his eyes he recognized the feeling of calmness, your calmness, caressing his skin.  His heart began to ache, longing for your calmness to envelop him.

He hated that longing. 

He was Kylo fucking Ren, he wouldn’t succumb to the trivial feelings he had for you.  He blocked your gesture and let the anger inside run free through his veins.  The sense of power was growing within him; he hadn’t felt this kind of power in weeks. It was refreshing and for the first time since the battle he began to feel like his old self again.

Yet he couldn’t help but feel slightly empty as he felt your presence back away from his. As your calmness retreated, a pit of emptiness formed inside him and began to grow. Darkness, blackness, and emptiness; the pit grew deeper. Then an image Kylo tried so hard to bury in the back of his mind resurfaced.

An image of his mother and father.

He began to shake as he tried desperately to fill the growing pit of emptiness with rage. The words that Snoke had said to him so long ago danced through his mind, _“Your parents are weak hypocrites. They don’t love you. They never…”_  

The memory was interrupted as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He snapped open his eyes to see you sitting next to him on the couch with your hand extended to his shoulder and eyes closed.

“What ar…” he started to talk but you interrupted him.

“It’s hard to sleep every night when I can feel the pain and confusion that you emit”.

Kylo was silent.

“I don’t know your past, but no one deserves to carry a weight that heavy on their shoulders every day.”

You paused and breathed in.

“So let me help you ease the burden… just for a night”.

Kylo’s breath hitched in his throat.

He watched silently as you slowly breathed out.  Warmth began to surround him.  His muscles began to relax and his shoulders, which he hadn’t even noticed were hunched, dropped down.  His heart rate began to slow and the rage inside of him seemed to seep out through the pores of his skin and dissipate.  The pit inside of him began to shrink for the first time in his life.  It felt like the weight of an entire galaxy had just lifted from his shoulders.  His whole body felt light; expect for his eyelids. They were growing heavier by the second; welcoming a sense of sleep that he had been yearning for for years.  Resting his head against the top of the sofa he drifted off to sleep, but not before he felt the weight of your head rest against his shoulder. 

_This type of weight is something I could get used to._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently I had clicked a button that didn't let people who don't have accounts on here comment. If anyone wanted to comment and couldn't, I apologize! But now you can leave a comment if you want to :) 
> 
> This chapter was supposed to be a little fluffy. I hope everyone enjoyed it! I am super excited to post the next chapter because it is going to set up the plot a lot more! Hopefully I will finish reviewing and adding the final touches and get it out this week!


	12. Negotiations pt.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader-Chan's POV

 

 

You awoke to a small pain in your neck.  Groaning slightly your arm reached up to rub the side of your neck, but before it got there it brushed against skin that wasn’t yours.  For a moment you froze, but as you remembered the events of last night you let your body relax.  Opening your eyes you saw that your face was pressed up against Kylo’s arm. 

_I hope I wasn’t drooling in my sleep!_

As you gently moved your head away from his arm you took in the sight of him.  Whenever he was unconscious or asleep he looked so peaceful.  But you knew differently.  Last night while you lay in bed trying to sleep you could feel his pain; his internal struggling and suffering.  The weight of the air around you almost felt like it was crushing and suffocating you.  You couldn’t imagine how Kylo handled that kind of suffering.  Sure you had felt loneliness and suffered when you left your home planet, but it eased over time.  You had the growing feeling that Kylo’s never eased for him.  Whatever happened in his past was still painfully haunting him today.

You moved from the sofa to the shower.  You let the hot water run over you for a long time almost as if you were trying to wash away the emotions of last night.  You were surprised that Kylo let you keep your hand on his shoulder and that he didn’t take his anger out on you.

_“I won’t lose my temper on you again.  You have my word.”_

Kylo’s promise rang in your head.  So far he had kept it and that made you smile.

Once out of the shower you dressed and walked into the living room expecting to see Kylo awake, but he was still asleep. You made breakfast for the two of you, but decided not to wake him and ended up putting his leftovers in your small refrigerator.  You sat in the kitchen for a while quietly sipping your tea before deciding to head into the city.  You needed to buy some new windows for your house and you realized that you should probably check in at your office.  Your bosses only called you to come in when they needed you which varied a lot depending on the state of the planet and city.  You understood why they hadn’t called you since the battle; probably no one wanted to visit Skog after the war between the Resistance and the First Order had just been slugged out on the planet.  But still, it would be good to let your boss know that you still existed.

You hoped onto your speeder since you didn’t want to trek back from the city carrying a few window panes with you. You also were worried about leaving Kylo alone for long periods of time.  You knew he could take care of himself, but after last night you felt like maybe he needed someone to just be around him.

With the thought of Kylo on your mind you went racing through the forest on your speeder.  The sun painted the leaves of the forest with a golden outline and the smell of fresh air rushed past your face and into your lungs.  You admired the forest’s beauty until you reached the edge and sped through a giant clearing of grassy fields.  You could see the city’s glass and steel buildings sparkling from the bright sunlight in the distance.  As you approached the city, the destruction from the battle became clearer but every time you visited there seemed to be less of a mess.  Entering into the city you slowed your speeder to a more acceptable speed until you approached city hall.  A good chunk of the back had been knocked down, and as you parked your speeder you saw the different creatures working to try and fix it.  You walked around to the front until you entered into two large steel doors.  The main hall was a large open room and the ceiling extended to the top of the three floored building.  Looking to your right you saw a Stok named Sylvia working at the front desk.

“Sylvia” you called as you walked towards her.

She looked up from her desk and a large smile spread across her dark brown face.

“(Y/N)! I haven’t seen you in weeks! I thought something might have happened to you during the battle!” she yelled.

“Fortunately, I’m fine.  The battle never reached my house but it came unnervingly close” you replied with a smile.

“I’m so glad to hear that you are ok!  What brings you in today? Has Morell given you an assignment?” she asked brushing a dreadlock out of her face.  Most Stokian women had dreadlocks because they would only wash their hair when it rained in the rainy season.

“No, I haven’t heard from the boss since the battle. I wanted to stop by and make sure he knew I was still alive.” You chuckled.

“Well honestly, there have been practically no visitors since the battle.  The surrounding planets either don’t want to get involved by helping or heard a rumor that some Stokian doctors have been helping the rebels and they don’t want to be labeled as helping the Resistance.”

“Yea I heard about that rumor” you replied “Do you think it’s really true?”

Sylvia leaned in closer and whispered, “Between you and me, it’s not the first time I’ve heard the rumor but I honestly don’t know which doctors were the ones aiding them.”

“Hmmm” you pondered.

“What are you two whispering about?” you heard a voice boom through the main hall. 

Turning around you saw your boss, Morell, walking towards you with a wide grin on his face.  Unlike most Stokians, who were slender and boney, he was fat and pudgy.  He was one of the leaders of the city and was respected all over the small planet. Almost everyone liked him; including yourself.

“Hey boss” you smiled as he approached.

“Haven’t seen you in ages! Almost thought you were dead!”

“Yea well you know, just enjoying some time off” your smile wavered a little.

“That’s good” he replied “Because with that last job of yours, the one with those Muuns, man that was a sticky situation.  But you really helped us out!”

“Ugh, the Muuns” you rolled your eyes and let out a fake chuckle.  You thought about telling him what had happened at your house just the night before, but decided to save it for another time.

“Listen, (Y/N)” Morell started, his voice changing to a more serious tone “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Ugh, yea sure” you replied “What do you want to talk about?”

Morell looked over at Sylvia and put his finger to his thin lips.  Whatever he was about to say needed to be kept quiet.

“You might have heard the rumor about some Stokian doctors helping out the Resistance” he started.

“Yea I’ve heard about it”

“Well, I’ve learned recently that the rumors are true.  I’ve been in touch with some of the other leaders and we have agreed to have a meeting with some of the Resistance fighters.  We might be making a deal with …”

“What?!” you practically yelled.

“Shhh” Sylvia shushed you.

“Look, I know it might seem crazy right now after having just been through that battle, but the Resistance won the battle on this planet which is supposedly a big win for them.  Apparently one of the First Order’s greatest fighters, a guy named Kylo Ren was struck down in the battle.”  Your eyes widened at the sound of Kylo’s name.  “Now if we let the resistance use our hospitals as a safe haven then they would provide protection from the First Order.  Our planet would be one of the most protected planets in the galaxy because this is where they would be taking all of their wounded soldiers!”

You tried to keep your breathing level as you digested all that your boss had just told you. 

“How do we know that our hospital openly treating Resistance soldiers won’t just make us a huge target for the First Order” you asked hastily.

“Just think about the idea” Morell smiled at you. “Because we might want you to come with us to the negotiations”

You felt your jaw drop as he finished his sentence.

“M-me?” you stammered.

“You are great at keeping the peace during negotiations and conflicts. Really you are the best we have ever had! Of course you would be considered for the job!” he bellowed.

“I don’t know what to say sir” you blushed as he complemented you.

“Now you haven’t been chosen yet, but if I have my way it will be you!  So enjoy your time off because you may just be helping us to negotiate with real Jedi in the upcoming weeks!”

“Real Jedi” you repeated under your breath. 

_But what if they sense that I am force sensitive?_ _What if they can read minds like Kylo and they find out I have been helping their enemy? What dangers will that put this planet in? What will Kylo think of all of this?_

A lump began to form in your throat.

“I really don’t know what to say sir” you managed to choke out.

“Listen, I’ve got to run but I’m glad I ran into you today.  You look like this information is overwhelming you so take some time to soak it all in.  We’ll need you for this” Morell smiled one last grin, patted you on your back and began to move towards the elevators.

After a moment of silence Sylvia whistled.

“Wow, this is kind of crazy” she breathed.

“Yeah it is” you agreed as thoughts swirled around in your mind.

“I think I’m going to head out” you stammered. “Like Morell said I need time to let this all sink in”

“Alright, if you need anything don’t be afraid to call me! Maybe we can get a drink on the town sometime soon to help ease the pressure!”

“Uh, yea, sure!” you called out as you quickly made your way to the doors.

You practically ran to your speeder and once you were one it you bolted out of the city. 

_So much for buying new windows today_.

You raced back to the only place you had to go; your house.  When you arrived you silently hoped that Kylo wouldn’t be awake.  As you opened your door and made a beeline for your bedroom you suddenly stopped right in your tracks.  You were frozen in place by an invisible force.

“I could feel your anxiety miles away” Kylo’s deep voice sent shivers down your spine. “What’s going on?” he asked releasing you.

Your legs were quivering and you planted a hand against the wall to help hold you up.  You felt Kylo’s eyes on you, but couldn’t bring yourself to look at him.

“What happened?” Kylo’s voice was stern and a lot closer than you wanted it to be.  You felt his presence next to you as his hands reached out to your shoulders and gently steadied your shaking body. 

_His touch is so soft and … caring?_

You blushed at the thought.

Raising your gaze to meet his you took a deep breath.

“Let’s sit down” you motioned for the couch.

You watched him as he walked with you back towards the couch.  His legs didn’t seem like they were going buckle under his weight like they had seemed yesterday.  He was healing faster than you would have thought.

As you both sat down, Kylo’s eyes met yours with a gaze that seemed to pierce right through you.  You wondered if he would get upset from the news you were about to tell him.  But he knew something was up and you needed to fill him in, so you did.

 

After repeating what happened you let out a sigh.  His eyes were scanning your face as if he were looking for something. You narrowed your eyes in confusion.

“What are you most concerned about with all of this?” Kylo asked his gaze not leaving your face.

“I don’t know” you admitted while looking away from him.  “I’m really concerned that I could fuck this up and have our planet become an enemy with both the Resistance and the First Order.  What if the Jedi read my mind while I’m helping with the negotiations?  What if they find out that I have been helping you?”

“The Jedi won’t read your mind because they have no reason to suspect anything bad about you.  Besides, I know the Jedi who you would be negotiating with and they aren’t keen to using tactics like that against innocent people” Kylo reassured.

“What if they sense that I am force sensitive?” you asked.

“There are ways to hide your presence.  If we have time before the negotiations I can teach you how” Kylo reassured you again.

You looked at Kylo, confused as to why he was reassuring you through all of this.  Wasn’t he supporting the other side, the First Order?

“What is going to happen to you if the negotiations go well?” you asked trying to keep your voice from shaking.

“When I am healed I will leave this planet like I had originally planned, but I cannot guarantee that the First Order will leave Skog alone” he stated.

Your heart dropped a little. _What will the First Order do to the planet? What if you didn’t want him to leave?_

“How long do you think you’ll stay?”

Kylo didn’t answer right away.  In the silence you secretly hoped the sound of your voice hadn’t given away your feelings towards his departure.

“I am still not fully healed and I would like some time to train before I meet with my master and get thrown back into the battles.  So I would estimate a few more weeks.” Kylo searched your face for a reaction to his prediction.

“A few more weeks is fine with me” you smiled back at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you guys think about the chapter and where the story is going?? Any suggestions??  
> I love reading comments :)


	13. Negotiations pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's POV

You were in the kitchen preparing dinner as Kylo sat on the couch deep in thought.

_If (Y/N) was at the negotiations, she could provide useful intel about the Resistance. I could even search through her memories and watch what happened._

Normally this would be the plan that Kylo would follow, but he didn’t like the idea of bringing you into the middle of the war between the Resistance and the First Order.  He especially didn’t like it because he would be asking you to choose a side.  Spying for him meant that you were a spy for the First Order.  Yet helping the Resistance set up a base on Skog meant that you were with the Resistance. It seemed that you would soon have to choose a side and Kylo already knew which side you would choose.

_She is too innocent, too nice to be with the First Order.  If I tried to train her it would be hard to bring out the darkness within her._

Kylo sighed and stretched out on the sofa.  A small pain in his right leg reminded him that he still needed to be careful and heal properly.

_(Y/N) must realize that there is no guaranteed peace for any planet while they are involved in the war.  Eventually the First Order will have their sights set on this planet again. So what do I do?_

Kylo knew what he should do and he didn’t like it.  He should explain the situation in full to you.  He needed to allow you to choose for yourself which side you would take. But in order to fully explain the situation, he might need to tell you who he truly was; what his goals really were. A pain arose from his chest as he thought about what you would think when he tried to explain who he really was.  Would you only see what other people saw him to be; a rage filled monster?

What if you chose the side of the Resistance? He would certainly need the information from the meeting.  He would have to use you and then kill you before you were able to warn the others that he was still alive. 

_Can I kill her?_

The question burned in the back of his mind.  Of course he could kill you, but would he be able to live with the guilt of it afterwards?  This is the exact reason why he tried his best to distance himself from people.  Feeling remorse or guilt from killing was a sign of weakness; that there was still light in him.

Kylo felt your gaze on him. 

He snapped back to reality and saw that he was hunched over, his hands curled into fists, the muscles from his arms practically popping from under his skin.

He didn’t lift his head to meet your gaze.  Instead he took a few deep breaths as his eyes burned holes into the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is short but I really wanted to add a small part 2 just showing what Kylo was thinking about everything :)


	14. Training

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader-Chan's POV!

You sat in silence on the couch next to Kylo.  It was late into the night and both of you knew that you weren’t going to be able to sleep.  So instead you both sat there reading books.

After a few minutes, a yawn escaped your lips.

“If you are tired, you should go to sleep” Kylo’s deep voice broke the silence.

“I know” you replied but didn’t move.

Dinner and the time following it had been awkward between the two of you.  If the events of the night before weren’t enough to make things awkward, the events of the day surely pushed things over the edge.

You looked over at Kylo trying to think of something to say.

Nothing came to mind that didn’t sound stupid so you decided to retreat to your room.

As you stood up and placed your book down on the side table, Kylo said your name.

“(Y/N)”

You were really beginning to like how it sounded on his lips.

“If you need to, you can sleep out here again” he offered not looking up from his book.

Pink scattered your cheeks.

_Does that mean that he wants me to sleep out here again?  After all, I was the one who helped him last night._

You were glad he wasn’t looking up because you were fighting back a smile and losing the battle.

“I- ugh- yea – thanks for the offer” you stumbled to find the right words for what you were about to say. “But- you know- I mean- my bed is bigger and more comfortable than the couch.  So maybe you would like to sleep on my bed… with me…. instead of us being cramped on the couch.”

You could tell this had caught Kylo off guard. His eyes widen and his gaze rose up to meet yours.

Your face felt like it was on fire and you were sure that it must have been as pink as a sunset on Tatooine.

Kylo closed his book, set it to the side, and stood up.  His height towered over you.  This wasn’t something you were quiet used to yet since he had only started walking again yesterday. 

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Y-yes” you breathed.

With that you turned and walked towards your bedroom, Kylo following on your heels.

You laid down on the left side and Kylo made his way over to the right.  You both got under the covers; backs facing each other. The space between your backs could have fit two other humans. You turned off the light and laid there stiff as a board.  You could hear Kylo’s breathing and it began to lull you to sleep. The gentle breeze blowing from your open window brushed against your face.  You tried your best to block out the day’s events and eventually you started to relax and drift to sleep.

 

You woke up the next morning to a hand shaking you.

“Ughhh” you groaned. It must have been early because you were definitely not ready to wake up yet.

“(Y/N)” you heard Kylo’s deep voice say your name.

Your eyes fluttered open and saw him looming above you in the darkness of your room.

_Why is he waking me up so early? The sun hasn’t even risen!_

“I’ve decided to teach you some force abilities” he stated plainly.

“What?” you questioned as you sat up.

“If you are going to go to the negotiations, it would be best if you were able to control the force a bit more.  I can teach you.”

You felt a little hesitant.  A part of you had always wanted to learn more about the force, but another part of you always worried about how you would handle such powers.  If Kylo was going to teach you, was he going to teach you the ways of the dark side?

It was obvious that he could sense your hesitation and after a moments pause he replied,

“I will only teach you things that will help protect yourself and the people you are with.”

“Do you think I will need protection from the Resistance?” you asked concerned.

“They want the creatures of this planet to like and help them, so they will try everything in their power to make sure that the negations go smoothly.  You shouldn’t be in danger, but you never know what could happen.”

You looked at Kylo.  _Was he planning something?_

“Why do you want to help me?”

“Because whether you like it or not you will be forced to choose which side of the war you are on” he replied impatiently. “You need to make that choice for yourself.  However, the tactics that I want to teach you may help you to make the decision when the time comes.”

 “But what if I chose to side with the Resistance?” you asked afraid to hear the answer.

“Then you will be my enemy.” Kylo stated and then sighed. “But you have saved my life so I will spare yours.”

You were taken aback by this.  The other day Morell had said that Kylo Ren was one of the First Order’s greatest fighters.  If that were the case surely Kylo must have killed many creatures, yet here he was saying that he was willing to spare your life. 

_Was sparing someone’s life something he rarely did?_

“What if I chose to side with the First Order?” you asked curiously.

This question visibly surprised Kylo as his eyes began to quickly scan your face.

_Did he not think that I would consider joining the First Order?_

“If you chose the First Order...” he paused as if debating on what to say next “then I will guarantee you a flight off this planet when the time comes.  I’m sure your employees and friends will be less than pleased about your decision.”

_Does a guaranteed flight off this planet mean that I would go with him?  But I would be leaving all my friends behind.  Can I do that again?_

“Alright” you agreed getting up from the bed. “Let’s get started”

Kylo led you onto the grass of your front yard.  He instructed you to sit down next to him and meditate.  Sitting down in the dew soaked grass you glanced up at the stars just for a moment before closing your eyes and beginning your meditation session.

Soon enough you had quieted your mind, focused your breathing and decided to focus on the energy of your surroundings.  You could feel Kylo next to you, but his presence was quieter than usual.  There was still the constant flow of anger and pain that always seemed to flow from him, but sometimes when he meditated that flow either increased drastically or decreased.  This early morning it had decreased.

You began to search beyond him and feel the energy of the forest around you.  It was not time yet for the birds to wake and start their singing, but you could feel them as they slept.  You could feel that many of the animals were returning to this part of the forest that seemed to be deserted just weeks before. 

Kylo’s voice eventually broke the silence, “I can feel you expanding your feelings.  To hide your presence, feel yourself melting into the world around you.”

You nodded and began to picture yourself lying down in the grass, looking up at the stars, and letting the grass envelop you.  Your breathing began to slow down and you searched for Kylo’s presence, but no longer felt it.

“Stop searching for my presence, it is giving away yours” Kylo stated.

You stopped searching for him and focused your energy on shrouding yourself.  Time passed slowly and in silence until you heard Kylo speak you name.

You slowly opened your eyes as the scene of the morning light streaming through the forest brought you back to reality.

“That wasn’t bad” he stated as you turned to look at him. “You were sitting right next to me and I could hardly feel your presence.”

“Really?” you questioned as a spark of excitement lit up your face.

The right side of Kylo’s mouth twitched for a moment as if he were almost about to smile slightly.

“Don’t get too excited, you will still need to practice.  You should wake up every morning and practice this.  Over time it will take less concentration and less of your force abilities.”

“Cool” you smiled at him hoping that maybe you could make him crack a smile as well.

Ignoring you he stood up and instructed, “We’ll take a break to get ready for the day and then start another type of training.”

 

You both showered and ate breakfast before convening back in your living room.

“What’s next?” you asked.

“I’m going to try to teach you to detect if someone is lying.”

A smile spread across your face. _This is definitely something I could use in the negotiations._ However, you always had a feeling that you could already detect lies if you tried hard enough.

Kylo instructed, “This is something you need to be quick and discrete about.  When done properly, it shouldn’t look like you are doing anything.  You need to stretch your senses and feel for the creatures’ heartbeat.  It will falter if they are lying”

“Oh that’s easy!” you replied.  “That’s what I do when I try to calm people.”

“Then do it now.”

“I already am” you smirked. “I can feel your heartbeat right now.”

“Good.  Now I am going to tell you two statements. Tell me which one is a lie” he challenged.

“I hate the sand.”  He paused and then stated, “I killed my father”.

Your eyes widened at the second statement.

_Well that escalated quickly…_

His heartbeat hadn’t faltered on the first statement and you weren’t sure if it had on the second.

Seeing you mulling over the answer Kylo repeated, “I hate the sand....I killed my father”.

His heartbeat didn’t falter on the second statement, but you felt his voice change in the slightest.

_Could he really kill his own father? He said one statement is a lie so it has to be that one._

“The second one” you concluded. “You did not kill your father.”

“Wrong” he snapped. “They are both true.  You let your preexisting thoughts of me cloud your judgement.”

Your breath caught in your throat and you felt your mouth drop, slightly agape.

_Kylo killed his own father_. The thought replayed in your mind a few times as you processed the information.  But you couldn’t really process it.  His heartbeat hadn’t faltered so the statement was true, but the tone in his voice… remorse.  You could only put a name to the tone because you knew it all too well.

“My turn” you challenged, your smile long gone. 

Before Kylo had time to protest you stated plainly, “I killed my family”.

Kylo furrowed his brows in confusion so you repeated the statement a little slower, “I killed my family.”  This time as you repeated the statement, your voice shook slightly.

You watched him as he was obviously trying to make sense of your feelings that coincided with what you had just said.

“You believe you killed your family, but you are unsure that they are really dead” he concluded.

Your eyes grew wide.  He was right!

_How can he figure that much out by just using the force?_

Kylo took three steps towards you, closing the gap between you both.

“You cannot trick me” he smirked, his face inches away from yours.

Slowly you watched as one of his hands rose to your forehead.  The tips of his fingers placed against your skin as he whispered, “Brace yourself”

As soon as the words left his lips you felt a sharp pain ravage your brain. For a second you tried to fight it but it became so intense that you gave in.  Your head felt like it was splitting open as black dots began to cloud your vision; your body began to go numb and your legs gave in.  But you didn’t fall.  Your vision was black, but you felt Kylo holding you up with one arm, leaning your body against his.  Then, the memories that you had tried so hard to forget seemed to play before your eyes, like you were watching a movie of one of the worst parts of your childhood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I hope I am making the relationship feels seem natural and smooth. Second off, things escalated really quickly in this chapter! Do the confessions seem too out of place or am I just being too hard on myself? I am really just trying to set the scene for the next chapter which I am so excited about!! :D We get to learn about Reader-Chan's past!! Trust me it is important for later on in the story ;) Lastly, my simile about Tatooine, I know its super cheesy but I kind of like it. hehehe


	15. Unwanted Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's POV!

His position was a little awkward… Kylo was holding you up with one arm; the other was occupied picking at the memories of your brain.  He knew he should have just asked you to explain, but you had presented him with a challenge.  He was surprised when you stated that you had killed your family and he was even more surprised when he felt that there was some truth to the statement.  There was more to you than what he had originally thought and he _needed_ to find out the answers for himself.  He was being greedy and he knew it; but he had long since figured out that he tended to exhibit the darker characteristics of affection.

_There!_

He knew he had found it by the way it was hidden in your mind.  Although, it wasn’t that hard to find considering the memory was seeping with dark emotions.

He watched the scene unfold before him.

 

You were hiding behind a wall that separated you from four others.  You were outside of a small shop and the others were conversing inside. Kylo sensed that one was your father, but the others were Zabraks that you didn’t know.

“She’s young” one of the Zabraks said “you are right to say that she would fetch a high price on the market, but you are going to have to lower your offer if you want to sell her.”

“My offer is final” your father stated.

“So be it” another stranger replied.  “We know our offer is the best you will find.  If you change your mind, you know where to find us.”

With that the Zabraks began to head towards the door of the shop. 

Kylo watched as you quickly ran around the outside of the building so they would not see you.  He could feel your heart racing fast and your worry that your intuition had been true.  Kylo could hear your thoughts racing…

“My family is really going to sell me!  We need the money, but I never thought they would resort to this! Is it because I am a girl?  Is it because I am force sensitive? Why?  How could they do this? Does mom know? Does Quinn know?”

He watched as you ran to a small hut on the edge of the town; not bothering to knock on the wooden makeshift door, you ran straight into the hut.

He peered inside the hut and saw you panting in front of an old female Ithorian.  Kylo grimaced; he always thought the hammer-head species were particularly ugly.

“(Y/N). What’s the matter?” the old Ithorian spoke gently.

“I was right.  My family, no my father” you corrected yourself “he wants to sell me!”

“I told you, when you are strong with the force your instincts will not lie to you” the Ithorian was still calm.  She walked over to you and put a hand on your shoulder. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t want to be sold off!” you exclaimed.

Kylo saw the fear in your eyes as they began to well with water.

“But they are my family and if we don’t get money soon, we will all starve!”

“My ship” the Ithorian smiled “it is yours if you chose to leave”.

“What? No! I can’t take that from you!  That is the last thing you could sell that is worth any money” you exclaimed.

“I was never saving it to sell it” she smiled “I may not be strong with the force but it isn’t always hard to predict the future of some people”.

Kylo watched your face as the realization of what the Ithorian implied sunk in.

“Your father is doing what he believes is best for his family.  With our fields taken over, it was only a matter of time before poverty drove your father to this decision.  I respect your family, but I am more concerned about you then any of them.  If you chose so, you may take my ship and leave.  I assume you remember how to fly it.  The chances of you having a good life with the people he sells you to is very slim; but I know you can already sense this fact.”

“I- I need to think about this” you stuttered.

“That is understandable.  Just don’t take too long to make your decision or it might be too late.”

Kylo saw you nod and leave the hut.  He followed you back to a hut closer to the shop you were at earlier.  This hut was your home.

He saw you enter your house and pretend like you didn’t know anything.  You helped your mother cook a small dinner that was barely enough food for one person let alone you, your parents, and your older brother.  He saw you cower in your small room that night, your brother lying on the floor next to you asleep. Yet you were up.  You were alone, afraid, and unsure of what to do.

Kylo skipped though the memory to the next part where he felt the most intense feelings. 

He was back in the shop watching you stand in front of your father and mother.  Tears were rolling down your mothers cheeks and your father was trying his best to fight off tears of his own.

“We need to do this” you father was convincing you.  “We promise once we have the money and are able to set up shop on another planet, we will come and find you.  It will only be temporary”

Kylo turned to look at you.  You were shaking but your face was expressionless.  It had been about two days since the last memory he viewed and he knew the news your parents just said was old news to you.

He heard your thoughts echo in the memory, “It will only be temporary. That’s a lie.  You know you won’t be able to find me when you sell me.  You will look for me but chances are I will already be dead or sold to someone who will never let you have me back.”

“They are coming for you tonight” your father stated solemnly.

With this your expression changed to fearful.

“Tonight!” you shouted at him.

Both your parents seemed to be taken aback at your sudden break in silence.

“No” you breathed. “I won’t let them take me!”

With that you ran out the door.  Your parents tried to run after you, calling your name in between breaths, but you were faster than them.  Kylo saw you run out of the village to avoid them.  He followed you into a grassy field where you hid between the tall grass stalks.  In the distance he saw the beginnings of a building being constructed.

_This place seems familiar._

An hour later, you returned to your village and ran straight for the Ithorian’s hut.  Panting, you barged through the door and frantically looked for your friend.

The Ithorian quickly stood up from where she was, grabbed keys from her broken wooden table and placed them in your hand.  Then she gave you a small bag to take with you.

“Your parents were here looking for you earlier.  If you intend to leave you must do it now! The bag has some money and a little food.  It won’t get you too far, but it is all I can give you.”

“If I leave there is a good chance my family will be slaughtered.  My father was going to trade me to Zabraks; surely they will make my family suffer.”

“Sadly, this is a choice you need to make” the Ithorian responded.

Kylo watched as you mulled over your decision. After a moment,  he saw your eyes harden and felt a spark of energy ignite within you.

You flung the bag over your shoulder and stumbled forward; a little surprised by its weight.

“Thank you Iso.  You have always been good to me and have taught me so much.  You are family to me; maybe my only real family.  I will never forget you.”  You smiled at the Ithorian and quickly ran out of the hut before she had a chance to say anything else.

Kylo watched as you ran frantically through the streets of your poor and desolate home town. 

He wondered what planet this was; it seemed somewhat familiar.

As you turned a corner you fell face first into the dry dirt road.  You tried to get up by your trembling arms, but fell back down. 

Kylo extended his feelings a little more and suddenly was burdened by the encumbrance that your memory was trying to hide from him.  He shifted his weight uncomfortably.  He was well acquainted with the burden; he dealt with it on a daily basis.

You slowly lifted yourself to your feet.  Dirt was covering your skin and clothes; the key to the old spaceship still in your right hand.  You bent down to pick up your small bag with your left hand and flung it over your shoulder.  The weight of the bag no longer seemed to bother you.  It was weightless compared to the new weight that was forced upon you; the weight of a galaxy.

 

Kylo opened his eyes as reality set in around him. You were hanging limp in his arms, your head now resting on his shoulder. 

_Unconscious from the pain.  The memories were longer than I expected._

He hadn’t meant to put you through that much pain for such a period of time.  In reality it had been just a few minutes, but he knew that for you it must have felt like an eternity.

He picked you up and gently placed you down on your bed.  He checked your pulse with his fingers to make sure it was normal.  Sitting at the edge of the bed Kylo began to internalize everything he had just seen. 

_She has been though a lot more than she lets on.  And her town… why did it seem familiar?_

Kylo watched your chest rise and fall.

_How much did Snoke know about her when he chose to put that dream inside her mind?  Does Snoke have a plan for her after she is done helping me heal?_

The thought of you coming with him once he healed seemed to put him at ease. 

He scowled and looked away from you.

_If Snoke does have a bigger plan for her, he will be displeased with the feelings I have developed. But…_

Kylo turned back to face you lying on the bed.  He let his eyes scan your body as a pool of heat gather in his lower abdomen. 

Greed.

He could feel the emotion start to take hold of him.  He wanted you, but he also wanted you to want him.  He wanted to be desired by you; a want he would have to hide from Snoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am going on a road trip for a week and will not be posting during that time :/ I promise I will post again as soon as I get back! I hope everyone is having a fun time reading this story because I am having a fun time writing it :) Just a heads up, things are going to start getting a bit heated in the upcoming chapters ;)


	16. Heat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader-Chan's POV!

You awoke in your bed to the light of the early morning shining in your room.  Your sore head was a quick reminder to the events that had happened yesterday.

“Fuck” you groaned aloud.

You heard shuffling in the living room.  Quickly, you rose from your bed but stopped to gain your balance from rising too fast.  You headed into the living room where you glanced at Kylo lying on the couch.  Not willing to look him in the eye, you chose to reprimand him as you made your way into the kitchen.

“You could have just asked for me to explain” you snapped. “I would have told you.  You didn’t have to do the whole mind trick thing.  That shit hurts!”

Out of the corner of your eyes you saw Kylo sit up and face you.

“Experiencing it lets me understand the event better” he calmly stated.

You fumed as you began to make hot tea.

_Have we switched roles today?_  You pouted.

“Why would you need to understand my past that much?”

You felt Kylo’s irritation spark.

_Looks like we will be both be in bad moods._ You rolled your eyes.

Kylo sighed, stood up from the couch and made his way to your kitchen table.

“What is the name of your home planet?” he asked as he sat back down.

“Don’t change the subject” you glared at him.

“I’m not changing the subject. Now answer my question” Kylo glared back at you.

You both could have a staring contest, but you knew he would win by far.  His glare is so much more menacing than the meanest one you could ever attempt.  So you gave in.

“It’s called Sollis.  It’s in the northern quadrant of the galaxy, but it’s not quite in the outer rim.”

Kylo’s gaze softened as a realization struck him.

“What?” you asked now curious.

“I lived there for almost a year” he stated.

“What?! When?”

You were surprised.  _Why would a guy like him live on a desolate planet like Sollis?_

“My mother…” he started and then paused. He averted his gaze from yours and you could feel his anger heighten.

“What about your mom?”

He didn’t speak right away but you weren’t about to let this go; you were far too curious now.

The tea pot shrieked and you took it off the stove, filled two cups of tea, and sat down at the table across from Kylo.

“If you get to look into the memories of my past, I at least get to hear about part of yours” you stated.

“That isn’t how this works” he grumbled.

You looked at his hands that were balled into fists; one resting on the table, the other on his leg.  His knuckles were turning whiter than his pale skin.  You began to spread your feelings and try to calm him.  He was angry, but he was always angry.  Right now, you were feeling more than just anger coming from him.  He seemed to be conflicted.

He suddenly rose from his chair, practically knocking over his cup of tea.

“I don’t have time for this” he growled.

“Well considering that you are still waiting to heal, you actually _do_ have time” you snapped back.

Kylo outstretched his left hand and you felt an invisible force throw you from your chair.  You went flying across the room and just as you were about to hit the wall, you stopped midair.  Your weary gaze met Kylo’s.  His conflicted eyes were scanning the scene he was creating. Realizing what he was about to do, he lowered his arm slowly and you were carefully lowered to the ground.

You took a deep breath as you felt your legs on the cold steel floor.

_I pushed him too far._

“How do you do this to me?!” he interrupted your thoughts.  You looked up at him confused. His hands were balled into fists again and his fiery gaze was directly on you.  Usually when he was angry he just looked like he wanted to destroy everything around him, but today you sensed he wanted to destroy something within.

“What?” you questioned as you stood up.

A small force pushed you from behind and made you stumble towards him.

“Kylo! Enough with the force!”

“What you don’t like it?” he smirked and pushed you closer towards him.

“Kylo!” you shouted and narrowed your eyes.

_What the hell does he think he is doing?_

You were an arm’s reach away from him now.

“You don’t like being pushed around by something you can’t control or explain?” he questioned sarcastically.

“What are you saying?” you asked as he took a step towards you.

Now you were inches from each other.  He raised his hand to your chin and gently tilted your head upwards so that you were looking right at him.

“You frustrate me and calm me at the same time” his voice was quiet and low.

Your heart was fluttering. _Stupid heart._

You stared at him with a hardened gaze.  Part of you was confused and the other part was trying to seem intimidating.  You got the feeling that he may have been more turned on by your gaze than intimidated.

“Part of me wants to destroy you but…”

You saw his gaze soften and you began to let out a breath.  Before you could finish your exhale you felt Kylo’s lips suddenly on yours. Immediately you pulled your head back.  Kylo let you pull your head away, but firmly wrapped his other arm around your body.  You looked at him with wide eyes and before you had time to think Kylo pressed his lips back into yours.  With the initial shock of the first kiss slightly subdued, you began to return his kisses. He became more forceful as you slowly began to kiss him back.

With each and every kiss you gave him, he seemed to hunger for more.  His force made you stumble backwards; his steady arms there to catch you before you fell. 

_Powerful_   was to word that came to your mind. 

Before long you were pressed up against your living room wall gasping for breaths in between kisses.  His hand moved from your back and down to your hip; pushing you harder into the wall.  You were certainly surprised about all of this and as much as you were afraid to admit it, it was a pleasant surprise. 

When you became more comfortable, you tangled one of your hands into his hair.  As if you had given him the ‘go’ signal he trailed his mouth from your lips down your neck.  You closed your eyes and tilted your head to give him more access.  You enjoyed the sensation of him kissing and sucking on you as heat began to fill your body. Suddenly Kylo bit down into your neck and you let out an unwelcomed moan.

_Shit!_ You shut your eyes tight and held your breath. _I shouldn’t let myself be taken over like this._

In response to the moan, Kylo moved his hips into yours.  You felt his length against your lower abdomen.

“Kylo” you panted softly.  He didn’t seem to hear as he kept kissing your neck.

“Kylo” you repeated firmer.

He stopped kissing you, but kept his gaze on your neck.  The hand on your waist clenched tighter around you as if he was refusing to let go of you.  A small pain formed in your head.

“Is this pain from you trying to read my thoughts right now?”

Kylo didn’t move and clenched your waist tighter.

_Any tighter and he’ll break my hip bone!_

Kylo loosened his grip and a small smile spread across your face. 

You mulled over what you were about to say.

“I-you- this is… a lot.  Everything is a lot right now! I need time to process all of this and decide what I am going to do next. I am so confused about so many things! I need ti…”

Kylo interrupted you by kissing you softly on the lips.  Closing your eyes, you let your hands fall from being wrapped in his hair to relaxing on his broad shoulders.  You couldn’t help but start to melt into him.  His hands relaxed and his grip loosened.  His intensity was gone, replaced by… something you couldn’t name.  The both of you stayed like that for another minute before Kylo pulled away.

He stepped out of your reach and you looked down at the floor as you quickly attempted to mentally compose yourself.  Once your thoughts seemed to stop racing and you noticed the pain in your head was gone, you looked up at him.  His eyes were emotionless once again and you knew his barrier was back up.

You sighed and leaned your back against the wall.

“I need to meditate” Kylo concluded and briskly walked out the front door.

Closing your eyes, you slid down the wall and onto the floor. 

_I should practice meditating too.  Will I be able to concentrate after what just happened?_

You brought your fingers to your lips as you relished in their tingling sensation. You had partaken in a few make out sessions in your life before but no one had ever kissed you like he just did.  His intensity was intoxicating and at the end his gentleness was… surprising.

_I doubt many people had seen that side of him._

You knew that soon enough you would want more. 

_But would he ever let down his guard around me again?_

You sighed.  _I shouldn’t let myself get carried away.  For all I know he could just use me and kill me.  Or use me and when he is all healed, leave.  He is after all with the First Order and one of their greatest fighters. He has far more important things to do than to play relationship with me._

You felt your heart start to sink.  The more you thought about it, the more you just wanted to sink into the wall and floor.  So that is what you did.  You began to meditate and picture yourself disappearing into the wall…

 

Neither of you spoke much the rest of the day.  You both sat down to eat at the table in your kitchen, avoiding each other’s gaze as much as possible. Kylo spent the rest of the day inside trying figure out which exercises his body could do and which he still could not.  Figuring it would be better to leave him alone you went into town and finally bought glass for your windows.  You worked late into the night trying to install the glass.  When you came back inside you were surprised to see Kylo asleep on your bed.  You lay down on the other side of your bed with your back facing Kylo’s and began to think about him.

_Maybe we won’t be able to be together in the long run, but it might not hurt to enjoy his presence now while he is here.  I think I would rather have this unfold however it will instead of just ending it here.  Even if it does end badly, at least I can say I enjoyed it while it lasted._

You smiled at the conclusion you had arrived at and began to drift to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader-Chan and Kylo finally kissed! YAY! :D Will they take it any further?... Find out next chapter! hehehe


	17. Lust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's POV!

Kylo awoke to an empty bed.

 _Did she even sleep in her bed last night?_ He questioned as he stood up.

He wondered if he took it too far yesterday.  You seemed to like it, but in the end it was you who stopped it from going any further.

_I let my emotions and greed about a girl take over me.  Supreme leader won’t be happy about this._

He would do his best to keep yesterday’s memories hidden in his mind, but Snoke always seemed to find a way to uncover even his most hidden secrets.

As he moved into the living room he was surprised to see you weren’t in the house.

 _Where could she have gone?_ He wondered as he began to stretch his feelings for your presence.

A smirk crossed his face as he was able to sense you outside of the house.  Your presence in the force was almost hidden.

_She learns quickly._

He walked out the front door and saw your body lying in the grass. He took a deep breath before moving to sit down a few feet across from you.

He needed to keep his head level around you.  Although, controlling his emotions was never something he was too good at. 

“What are we going to do today?” you asked as you sat up.

His eyes locked onto yours and he felt his stomach start to warm.

 _Control_ he reminded himself.

“I didn’t have any plans for you today.  I wanted to start to ease my body back into fighting.  The exercises I did yesterday went well, but my muscles are slow.  I need to begin training again.”

“I know how to fight.  Maybe not as well as you do but if you need a partner to practice with I wouldn’t mind a little practice myself” you smiled at him.

Kylo thought back to the last time he saw you fight.

_She might actually provide the right kind of challenge I need to get started again._

“Alright” he agreed as he stood up. “Let’s begin.”

“Right now?” you questioned.

“Right now. Try to attack me”

He watched you pause, prepare yourself, and run towards him.

He saw your right hand go straight for his face.  _A distraction._ Quickly he ducked and avoided it, only to see your left hand now coming towards him. He blocked the hand with his forearm and took a swing of his own. He missed by an inch as you dodged it.  He felt your presence next to him and he swiftly brought his elbow up and back towards your gut.  You slid around to his backside before his elbow could reach you and placed a hand of the small of his neck.

He was too slow and he knew it. 

Before another second passed he felt your hand pull him down to the ground. The impact rippled through his body and his muscles started to ache.

He stood back up and locked eyes with you again.  He knew what he needed to do. 

_She knows I am stronger than her and tries to take me off balance instead of fighting me muscle to muscle… Let’s see how well she does if I get her off balance._

Kylo sprung towards you and did a quick jab to the left shoulder.  You stepped your left foot back so that his momentum would keep going past you.  But he knew this is what you would do.  He pivoted on his left leg and did a sweep with his right; knocking you off balance.  You fell back and at the last moment were able to let yourself role backwards instead of smacking on the ground.

 _Better than I thought_ he smirked.

You put one hand on the ground to steady yourself as you rose up.  Kylo watched as intensity crept into your eyes.  You brushed a few strands of hair away from your face and lunged towards him. He dodged your fury of punches and attempted to get a few in himself. 

You were fast, agile, and strong.  Pretty soon Kylo was dripping with sweat as the sun rose higher in the sky.  His muscles ached for him to rest, but his stubbornness kept him fighting.  He didn’t want to show any more signs of weakness in front of you.  You had seen him in one of his worst states and that was embarrassing enough. 

Luckily for him, he landed a blow to your gut that practically flipped you over his arm.  You landed with a thud on the ground and he watched you gasp for breath as the wind was knocked out of you. He waited for you to stand up but you just laid there long after you had regained your breath.

“Tired?” he challenged.

He felt your eyes graze over him as you sat up.  He looked down at you and smirked.  Greed and heat began to fill him once more.

“Yea because unlike some people I don’t do this sort of thing for a living” you chuckled.

“You could” Kylo said the words before he had really thought them through.

He saw your eyes narrow; questioning what he had just meant.

“You are strong with the force and in hand to hand combat. You just need a teacher and you could learn how to wield a lightsaber and control the force to your full potential” he stated.

“After I had left my home planet I thought about finding a teacher” you confessed, “But I eventually decided against it. Even now, I am not sure if going down that path is really what I want to do.”

Despite his offer, Kylo was a little relieved to hear your answer.  As much as he secretly wanted you to come back with him to the First Order, he didn’t want to have to show you who he really was.  Yet he also didn’t want you to joining the Resistance and training under his enemies.

“If that’s not what you want, it may be best for you to assist with the negotiations and then leave the planet. That would be your safest option” Kylo concluded.

“Are you concerned about my safety?” you asked.

Kylo immediately regretted his choice of words.

“I…” he paused, unsure of what to say to convince you otherwise. 

His thoughts were cut short as he noticed you moving closer towards him.  He saw your hand rise towards his face but stop just inches away from his skin.  He exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding in and felt your calmness start to caress his skin.

In one step he moved passed your hand and gathered you into his arms.  He pressed his lips against yours. Immediately he felt you begin to kiss him back.  He grunted as greed began to cloud his judgement. 

Snoke had taught him to embrace his emotions instead of ignoring them like Luke taught.  Embracing his emotions had always been the easy part when it came to dark feelings of hate, anger, and frustration. This is partly why he knew he belonged to the dark side. The real struggle had always been controlling his emotions. Even now, greed was controlling his actions.  With every kiss he wanted more, he wanted to feel every inch of you and he wanted you to explore every inch of him.  He didn’t want you to turn him away again and with every second that passed he doubted whether he would let you turn him away.

With your hands exploring his chest and back, he decided to take it a step further.  He found the break of clothing between your pants and shirt and moved his hand underneath your clothing and up your shirt.  He slid his hand underneath your bra and cupped your breast.

He felt your breathing stagger and your lips move away from his.

He watched you pull away from him, move towards the house and motion for him to follow.

He began to follow you inside.

_She doesn’t know what she’s getting into._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: the second part of this chapter is totally and completely smut. If you don't like smut and are just in it for the story line, you don't have to read the second part! I promise you wont miss anything important to the story line :)


	18. Lust part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader's POV!

Kylo sat you down on your kitchen counter, split your legs open, and immediately began kissing you again.

You wrapped your arms around his back and fisted your fingers into his hair.  His kisses were rough, his hands were grasping at your breasts underneath your shirt, and his cock was hard against you.  His mouth was at your neck sucking and biting like he couldn’t get enough of the taste of your skin.

You let one of your hands reach for his shirt but an invisible force stopped it.

“You first” he whispered into your bruising neck.  Suddenly he released his grasp on your breasts and began to lift your shirt up over your head.

The air was cold on your skin and as he unclasped your bra you shivered slightly.

“Cold?” he questioned as he took a step back to examine you. 

You nodded a slight yes but he didn’t seem to notice.  His gaze was preoccupied with the skin he had just uncovered.

His eyes were lustful and just watching him made you hunger for him even more.  You reached for his shirt again and this time he let you take it off.  His chest was riddled with scars old and new.  It was a scene you had seen before, but this was the first time you would really get to examine it all.

Your lips found your way back to his, right as your hands found their way to his chest.  As your fingertips traced the outline of his muscles, his tongue traced along the inside of your mouth.  Being preoccupied with his chest, you didn’t notice his hands carefully moving downward toward your inner thighs. Your mouth opened and a moan escaped as you felt his fingers graze over your clothed slit.

A smile spread across Kylo’s lips as he retracted his tongue and turned his focus to your pants.  You lifted your butt off the counter for a moment to help him slide your pants off.   He knelt down on the ground as he proceeded to slip your pants completely off of your legs.

He then opened your legs wider and began to plant kisses on the inside of your thighs.  Your head instinctively rolled back as you realized what he was about to do.  You looked back down at him as he slid your panties off of you.  There was no mistaking the emotions in his eyes; lust, greed, hunger.

Spreading your legs as wide as he could, Kylo began lapping at your juices.  Another moan left your lips and Kylo peered up at you.

“Tell me what you want” he said into your opening.  His voice was low and stern.

“Fuck” you breathed. 

“Tell me” he demanded again.

“Make me cum!  I- I want you to make me cum”

Kylo groaned into you and immediately began to swirl his tongue around your clit.

Your breathing began to grow erratic and the heat building up inside you felt like it was soon going to overflow.  Kylo’s tongue glided over your slit while he continued to suck up more of your juices.

“Fuck” you choked as you felt your upcoming climax. 

“Kylo – I – fuck!” Your legs trembled as you rode the wave of your climax.

Kylo kept his head in-between your legs until he had lapped up most of your orgasm.  Your legs continued to twitch as he rose to his feet.

His eyes looked you up and down once more; capturing the moment in his memory. 

Before you could do anything else he locked his eyes onto yours and stated, “Your turn.”

You blushed as he began to undo his pants.

You watched with anticipation as he slid his clothes to the ground; cock springing forward welcoming you.

Sliding off the counter, you got down on your knees and began to lick your lips to prepare for him.  This was something you hadn’t done in a long time and you were nervous what he would think. 

_What he just did was great! Could I even come close to doing that to him?_

Before you had time to question yourself any further, he placed his hand on your head and pushed you onto his cock.  Not fully prepared, you choked at first.  The sound of your gag seemed to please him as he moaned and rolled his hips so that his length was completely in your mouth.

Quickly getting used to his large size, you began to suck him.  You pushed and pulled his cock in and out of your mouth; saliva dripping from your lips.  Your tongue swirled around it every time you drew it out of your throat.  Kylo’s hips began bucking harder and harder.  Your eyes began to tear as you chocked a little with each thrust.  You looked up at Kylo and he groaned as his eyes met yours.

Suddenly his hand pulled you off his length.  Not wanting to stop until he was finished you immediately began to reach for his cock with your mouth again, but the force stopped you inches away from his tip. 

“No” you whimpered as you stuck out your tongue to lick a bead of pre cum off his tip. 

Kylo watched and grunted at your eagerness “Fuck (Y/N)!”

Immediately you felt a force lift you off your knees, spin you around, and push you into your kitchen counter.

You gasped and planted your hands firmly on the counter to stop yourself from colliding with it.  It was no use.  Kylo quickly came up behind you and thrusted himself into your slit.

You yelped as you bent over the counter. Kylo breathed against your ear as he began to thrust harder and harder into you.

“You dirty girl!” he growled to you.

You moaned his name.

“Fuck- say it louder!” he demanded.

“Kylo” you whimpered as you felt your heat building.

“Louder!” he demanded.

“Kylo please” you gasped.  He was thrusting so hard into you that you knew your hips would be bruised from smashing into the counter.

Suddenly you had reached your climax and began to crumble underneath of him.

“Fuck!” Kylo moaned as he felt you clench around him.

Your legs grew wet as he spilled himself into you.

The both of you stayed in your positions as you caught your breath.  You were leaning face forward over the counter while Kylo was hunched over you with both of his hands planted on the counter on either side.

Slowly Kylo pulled out of you and began to gather his clothing.  You stood up but couldn’t bring yourself to turn around and look at him.

_What the actual fuck did I just do?_

“I’m taking a shower” Kylo stated as he left for the bathroom.

It wasn’t until you knew that he was in the shower that you turned around and surveyed the kitchen.   Your clothes were strewn across the floor and a few things from the counter were knocked over and shoved out of the way.  Your hand went to your neck and you winced as you immediately felt the trail of bruises Kylo had left.

You began to gather your clothing as images of what just happened flashed through your mind.  As you made your way into the bedroom you could hear the pounding of the water in the shower.  A part of you wanted to take a shower with Kylo, but a wiser part of you decided that he probably wouldn’t like that.

No matter what scene flashed through your mind of your sexual escapade one things was for certain; Kylo was lusting after you.  He didn’t love you, he lusted after you.  Taking a shower with him after sex was most definitely out of the question.

You sighed as you thought about all of this.  You were just a little hurt but knew that it was better this way.

When Kylo was done in the shower he came out with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.  Your eyes couldn’t help but wander over the scene of him in a towel just once as he walked by.

“You can go in now” he stated as if he owned the bathroom.

You rolled your eyes but went in and took a shower too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the actual fuck did I just write?!?!  
> Well, this was my first time writing smut. Comments and advice are definitely appreciated on this!   
> I do plan on writing more chapters like this one throughout the story...


	19. Preparation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader-Chan's POV

You awoke to the beeping of your com link.

With your eyes still closed you attempted to reach for it on the side table, but your arm was trapped.  Your eyes snapped open as you realized Kylo was spooning you with his arm draped across you.

_He’s so warm!_

You didn’t want to move another inch, but the beeping was bound to wake him up any second now.

Slipping out from under his grasp, you grabbed ahold of your com link and moved to the living room.

You managed to groan a “Hello”.

“(Y/N)! I am sorry to wake you this early but I have great news!” the voice boomed from the device.

Your body stiffened as you realized the voice belonged to Morell.

“O-oh yea? What is the news?” your voice shook.

The com link responded with a boom of laughter.  “Nervous about this big assignment are we?  Well the news is that you are helping us with the negotiations with the Resistance! Now listen we wouldn’t have picked you to assist with the negotiations if we didn’t believe you could handle it! I’ll be right there with you and you won’t have to do a whole lot of talking if things go well!”

“Yea that’s true…,”you replied hastily,  “Has a date been set?”

“It indeed has.  It will start two days from now.  But I want you to stop by my office tomorrow bright and early! There is a lot we need to discuss before all of this happens. I want you to attend all of the meetings held tomorrow that the rest of us going to the negotiations are attending.  That is why I wanted to call you bright and early today, so you would at least have a day to rest and prepare for everything!”

“That is very nice of you Sir,” you sighed thinking back to all of the times when Morell had called you the day of a meeting letting you know he needed you to come in.

_He definitely thrives on doing stuff at the last minute!_

“Also,” he continued, “I just want to say that you are the only one representing this planet that isn’t a Stokian.  I know you will represent this planet well, but I am also hoping you will connect with some of the resistance fellows we are negotiating with.  I know there will be two important human females attending.  I hope that being the same species and sex you three with get along and maybe bond a little!”

“Yea I’m sure that won’t be too hard”

“Great! Well I will see you tomorrow 6 a.m. sharp!”

“Alright Morell see you then.”

Letting out a deep breath, you put the comm down on the living room table.  Your eyes glanced over to your bedroom, only to see Kylo standing in the doorframe; his tall, broad figure taking up most of it.

“Is it time?” he asked.

“Negotiations will start two days from now,” you flopped down on your couch.  “I need to spend the day in the city tomorrow prepping for everything.”

You watched Kylo move across the room and stand a few feet in front of you.  Memories of yesterday began to run through your mind, and you couldn’t help a slight smile creep onto your face.

“What’s your plan?” Kylo asked intruding on your thoughts.

You paused and thought about all the possible answers to that question.

“What’s _your_ plan?” you asked not wanting to answer him.

“I need to get in contact with someone from the First Order.  They need to know what is about to go on.”

You looked away from him.  _He is going to bring the war back here._

“The Stokians brought the war back here as soon as they decided to negotiate with the Resistance” Kylo hissed.

“Can you hear all of my thoughts?” you snapped back at him.

“I don’t need to read your thoughts when what you are thinking is plastered all over your face! How can the Stokians trust you to negotiate well if your emotions are this easy to read?”

“You are sure one to talk about controlling emotions.”

Kylo tensed at your response as you sighed.

“Look I’m not trying to blame the past battle on you, nor am I about to blame you for the battle that is about to happen.  You are with the First Order so do what you need to do for your cause.”

“Then we are back to my original question.  What will _you_ do?” Kylo asked again.

“Honestly, I don’t know.  But I won’t sell you out so don’t worry about that.”

“Not letting the Resistance know of my whereabouts and my condition means that you are choosing to side with the First Order” he warned.

“Yea but if the negotiations go well then I will have helped the Resistance out as well.  That means that I still haven’t completely chosen a side.” Your logic was flawed and you knew it, but you were desperately trying to convince yourself you were still neutral.

“I just need time to think,” you confessed.

“You need to make sure you cover your neck when you go into the city tomorrow. You don’t need anyone asking questions about your bruises.” Kylo’s voice started stern but ended softly.

“Yea” you agreed looking down at your feet.

You felt the couch’s cushion shift as Kylo sat down next to you.

“You are still nervous about the negotiations” he stated softly.  You knew his gaze was on you but you couldn’t bring yourself to meet it.

“I just… I get the feeling that something major is about to happen,” you sighed.

“You don’t always need to be afraid of what the force is warning you about.”

“I know… but I can’t help but get an uneasy feeling about it,” you confessed.  Now you could feel Kylo’s gaze practically burning into your skull.

“Meditate on it,” he concluded, “Open yourself up to your emotions and let them and the force guide you”.

“Alright,” you nodded, “But first I want to sleep a little more”.

You stood up and went back to your bedroom.  In that moment you would have given anything to have Kylo come with you back to bed and wrap his arm around you again.  But as you walked back to your room he didn’t follow, and you knew deep down inside that your little cuddle session was probably just an unintentional mistake he had made while sleeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry if there are multiple mistakes in this chapter! I am rushing a bit to get this up :)


	20. Preparation pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's POV

Kylo watched you leave for your bedroom.  A part of him wanted to go with you and hold you while he fell back asleep, another part of him wanted to go with you and fuck you like he had yesterday, but another part of him knew that he didn’t have time to fulfill those trivial wishes.  Now the most important thing for him to do was get in contact with the First Order.  He needed to meditate and try his best to get a message to Snoke.

He sat on your couch and began to rid his mind of thoughts.  Unfortunately, this took longer than he would have liked due to his current conflicting feelings towards you.  Images of yesterday ran through his mind, the memory of how your skin felt was something he just couldn’t seem to block out and the feeling of what it felt like to be inside of you was even harder to ignore.  Even the fresh memory of the warmth he had felt last night as he wrapped his arm around you while you were sleeping was something that he didn’t want to remove from his mind.

_Am I weaker because of her?_

Impatience, irritation, and frustration began to overcome him.  He needed to get in contact with the First Order, but would he have to free himself from his memories of you to do so?

The hairs on his arm seem to stand up a little.  He hadn’t noticed it until now, but he sensed your calmness begin to surround him.

_She can feel my irritation and it’s probably keeping her from falling back asleep._

He sighed and gave in to the feeling.

As your calmness overcame him he found that his mind had become silenced.  He no longer felt the need to dwell on the memories because your presence was already surrounding him.  With his mind clear he opened himself up to the force.  He searched for Snoke’s presence and called out a warning to Snoke of what was about to happen.

He sat there meditating, searching, and calling for hours.

Slowly, he began to sense the idea of reassurance.  Within a few minutes the feeling had grown, and he knew that Snoke had felt his warning.

_Finally!_

The word rang through his head as he began to end his meditation session; a smile spreading across his face.  He didn’t know what Snoke had planned, but the small feeling of reassurance had given him hope that Snoke still had use for him. Now he just needed to wait until he was instructed on when and where to act.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am leaving on a family vacation for the week... I promise that when I get back I will finish the next chapter and post it ASAP :)  
> Also, I am not totally satisfied with this chapter. Every time I tried to fix part of it, it just seemed awkward. I literally have a half hour before I have to leave for the airport, so I decided to post it because I can't leave without doing so. However, I am super excited about next chapter because shit starts to get real! :) So please hang in there!


	21. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader-Chan's POV

You didn’t sleep well that night.  It was partly your fault having taken such a long nap yesterday.  However, it was mostly because of your nerves.  You didn’t think you had been this nervous since you had left your home planet years ago.  Something was going to happen; you just knew it.  After your nap yesterday you took Kylo up on his advice and tried meditating, but it didn’t go too well.  You were just too nervous. 

_I can calm other people yet I can’t calm myself._  You laughed to yourself.  _Although, it’s better to get my anxiety out now than have it build up until the negotiations._

The soft patter of night rain stirred you from your thoughts.  Dry season was well underway and it was scarce to get any rain this time of year.  You weren’t complaining though, the sounds of rain always seemed to sooth you and help you fall asleep easier. You rolled over in bed.  You could just make out the outline of Kylo’s body on the other side.  His back was towards you, but you could still see the outline of his chest rising and falling as he breathed. 

_How much longer will he stay here?  Will the First Order try something during the negotiations? Should I bring my gun with me? What if he is gone by the time I come back home from the negotiations?_

Despite the rain, questions swirled around in your mind.  You moved your arms trying to find a comfortable position for yourself.

Kylo stirred and you held your breath not wanting to wake him up.  He rolled over towards you and you saw the slight glow of his eyes through the darkness.

_He’s still awake._

“Am I keeping you up?” you whispered.

“Yes” he stated.

You let you a sigh. _Should I move to the couch to let him get some sleep? This is my bed though and I don’t feel like moving._

Kylo outstretched his hands and placed it gently on your face.  You winced as a small pain formed in your head.  All of the thoughts that you had been stressing over during the night began to replay through your mind.  After a moment, Kylo released his hand and brought it back to his side.

“You are worrying too much” he concluded.

“I know” you sighed giving him a half smile.

“You are worried that I will leave without saying goodbye” he stated. 

You averted your gaze away from him.

“You shouldn’t form an attachment to me” he warned.

You moved your body to face the ceiling and replied, “I know.  Once you are healed you will rejoin the First Order, but…” _I’ll miss you._ You finished the sentence only in your head. 

_After all the chaos you have put me through, I will still miss you._

Kylo didn’t ask for you to finish your sentence; instead he changed the topic.

“Later today if you meet with the people who represent the Resistance you may meet my birth mother.”

Your eyes widened at his statement, and you couldn’t help but look over at him again.

_Is he serious?_ You stretched out your feelings to see if he was lying; he wasn’t.

_Is this why he didn’t want to talk about his mother a few days ago?_

“I lived at the Resistance base on your home planet for a year.  My birth mother is a general for the Resistance.”

“But if she is with the Resistance, how did you…”

“Join the First Order?” Kylo finished you sentence.

“Yea”

“My mother… didn’t understand me.  She didn’t know how to deal with my natural force abilities.  As I grew up she became afraid of what I could become. Instead of encouraging me to delve into my abilities, she sent me away to my uncle who wanted to teach me to restrain myself.  My uncle was strong in the force as well.  However, what they both didn’t know was that someone was already contacting me through the force.  Snoke, now my master, was showing me what I could do if I learn to embrace and enhance my abilities; not restrain them.  He showed me that with the right guidance I could fulfill my goals.”

Kylo paused and you wondered what kind of goals he wanted to fulfill. 

“Eventually, I left my uncle and the Resistance and began to learn under Snoke’s teachings.  Snoke has been one of the main leaders behind the First Order and when he felt I was ready, he positioned me as a commander.”

“You’re a commander?!” you cut Kylo off.

“Yes” he replied. “Now you know how I joined the First Order.”

You laid there silent for a moment contemplating everything he had just said.

“But why tell me all of this?” you questioned.

“Because soon enough you will need to choose which side you are on.” Kylo replied sternly. “By telling you how I began to follow the First Order I am hoping to help you make an educated decision.”

You shuffled underneath the covers. “You think I will side with the Resistance don’t you?”

“Yes”

“Kylo… I…. You missed a crucial piece of information when you looked into my childhood memories” you began. 

Kylo’s eyes narrowed and you knew he was running the memory through his mind trying to think about what he had missed.

“My parents were forced to sell me because they weren’t making enough money to support my family.  The village that I lived in was a farming village; we grew food in fields and sold it to a nearby city.  Everyone there was always poor, but we at least always made enough to survive.  When the Resistance decided to make their base only a few miles from our village, they took control over most of our farm land.  The nearest city granted them permission knowing that a large Resistance base would bring in lots of income, but the permission was not theirs to grant.  Technically our village owned the rights to that land.  The city didn’t care though; they instead began investing more into another farming village to the north.  While that village grew, my village slowly began to rot away.”

You paused as you tried to swallow a newly formed lump in your throat.  It wasn’t pleasant remembering how you watched your village fall apart. You knew Kylo could sense the feelings of anger and frustration that began to surface within you.

“The first few years after I left Sollis, I blamed the Resistance for what had happened to me.  I hated them. I hated that while I was hopping from planet to planet trying to survive, many creatures across the galaxy were starting to favor their movement.  The old ruler Darth Vader was dead and the First Order had not risen to power yet.  The Resistance was gaining popularity.  But as I grew older, I began to understand that the idea of goodness and doing what was right was all in the eye of the beholder.  I learned that sometimes even when you think you are doing what is right and what is best, you can still cause collateral damage to those around you.  That is what I and my village were to the Resistance; unintentional collateral damage.”

You let a deep breath out before you continued. “I have met many people who believe that the First Order is bad and that the Resistance is good, but I have met many people who believe the opposite as well.  I have heard rumors of a Death Star like planet that the First Order has created that can destroy multiple planets at once, but I have seen how whole populations and ecosystems were practically destroyed by the battles that the Resistance led.  Part of the reason why I came out here to Skog was to get away from the war entirely.  My travels through the galaxy have made me witness and experience things that make me hate this endless fighting.  I don’t want to choose a side to fight with.  I want to be freed from the fighting. I don’t want to train in the force because that will only bring me into the fighting.”

You paused and looked at Kylo…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! This chapter is getting real serious real fast. This one took me a long time to write, but I really like it! I think the deepest part it about to come with Kylo's POV :)


	22. Confessions pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's POV

Your words struck Kylo right to his core.

“What if the only way to really free yourself from the fighting is to train in the force?” he questioned. “What if you became strong enough in the force that you control it instead of it controlling you?  Then you could end the fighting because you control the very thing that makes the galaxy work.”

“That kind of power… is something that I cannot see myself ever possessing” you admitted.  “Although, maybe someday you will become that powerful.  Is that what you are trying to do?”

Kylo let a long breath out.  _Either I tell her now or never._

“What I want is to finish what my grandfather, Darth Vader, started” he stated.

“What?!” you asked him.  He could tell by the sound of your voice that you were in shock and in a bit of denial.

“You heard me” he replied as softly as he could.

“Your grandfather is Darth Vader?!”

“Yes”

Kylo watched you sit up as the true impact of what he had just said hit you, “Holy shit…Holy shit! Of course I would be the one to find Darth Vader’s grandson in the woods and take him in!”

Kylo chuckled at the remark.

“So you are trying to take over the galaxy like Darth Vader?!”

Cutting you off Kylo inserted, “I am trying to bring _order_ back to this galaxy.  I want to end the fighting and let the galaxy reclaim the prosperity it ensued while under the Empire.”

“Prosperity?” you questioned.

“Yes prosperity.  Before my grandfather rose to power as Darth Vader, the galaxy was controlled by a democracy that sat around and did nothing as planets and systems wasted away.  Their inability to put aside their differences and resolve issues in a timely matter was disgusting and disgraceful!” Kylo felt the anger in him start to boil.

“How do you know that? You weren’t born then.”

“I have read the history records and Snoke has shown me!”

Kylo realized he was sitting up as well.  His hands balled into fists and his voice had risen to that of almost yelling.  He attempted to take a few deep breaths, but this did little to calm him.  Part of him was waiting, anticipating for your calmness to surround him any second now;  but it never did.

He watched you as you were doubtfully contemplating what he had just explained.  When he realized you didn’t know what to say he concluded, “To bring the galaxy back to what it used to be, it needs a leader.  The galaxy needs someone very strong in the force.  I could be that leader and restore order.  One day I will have power over the force and will be able to rule the galaxy.  I will be able to end the wars for good.”

“Kylo…don’t get too mad when I ask this question.  I am not asking it to be mean, but … How can you expect to control the force and rule over the entire galaxy when you cannot even control your own anger?”

Kylo instantly turned his head away from yours.  His chest hurt like you had just punched him.  It was as if Snoke was speaking through you; Snoke questioned him about this constantly.

Still not wanting to look at you he replied, “Through time and more training I will learn to control my anger _and_ the force. It is through trails like the past few weeks that I will learn to control myself.”

He paused as a doubt ran through his mind. _Have I really learned to control my anger better, or has (Y/N) learned how to control it?  When I leave this planet, will I be right back to where I started…_

Kylo felt your hand on his shoulder. “I believe that you can do it” he heard you say.

He turned his body to face you and locked his gaze onto yours.

“But you will not side with the First Order?” he questioned.

“I will not side with the First Order and I can’t say that I would side with your master either, but I might side with you.  I guess it just depends on how good of a leader you are; if you really can stop the war and bring prosperity to the galaxy.”

Kylo’s lips twitched slightly upward into a half smile.

The sun was beginning to rise and the first rays of light shown through the bedroom window.  He knew you could probably see him smile at your remark, but he didn’t care.  He reached up his hand to cup your face and leaned in to kiss you.  His kiss was firm but not hungry.  He didn’t want you like last time. If anything he felt like he had just gained a part of you he never thought he would gain.  You believed in him; put some of your hope in him to end the war.  He relished in the feeling as he deepened the kiss.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!  Your alarm went off.

Kylo felt you pull away and watched as you leaned over to shut the alarm off.  He sighed and laid his head back down on the pillow.

“I need to get ready” you stated.

“You’ll do fine today. Don’t forget what I have taught you” he replied back, his face now emotionless.

You held your gaze for a moment longer before turning towards the bathroom.

He felt an ache in his chest as he watched you leave the bed. 

_Am I forming an attachment to her?_    He asked himself the question, but didn’t try to answer it.  He knew that the answer could be dangerous for the both of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok seriously tell me how I did with all of this! I really tried to capture what I think Kylo is trying to achieve. Do you think it is accurate? I really want Reader-Chan to slowly realize what she is getting into. I don't want her to be left in the dark about what Kylo's goals are because I think that is such a huge part of his character. I made this chapter deep because shit is about to go down in the coming chapters, and Reader-Chan needs to make some serious decisions...  
> On a lighter note... I really want to thank everyone who has read this far into my story. It really means a lot and I appreciate everyone having to deal with my awful use of commas and semicolons. If I could give you all hugs I would... unless hugs aren't your sort of thing... then maybe I would just give you a high five.


	23. Goodbyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader-Chan's POV

You stared at Kylo who was now fast asleep in your bed.

_He had finally opened up to me about who he really was.  He certainly has a lot of ambition! Although, being the grandson of Darth Vader, he must have always been expected to do great things…_

You watched as his chest rose and fell.

_This man is destined for greatness; whether it is good or bad. I have either done the galaxy a favor by saving him or I have done something terrible._

The thought lingered in your mind as you turned and grabbed your grey cloak.  Giving one last sparing glance at him, you left the room towards your front door.

The rained had stopped but the forest floor was layered in a thick mist.  A few morning birds were chirping, and the remaining drops on the leaves slowly fell down to the ground.  The air was stagnant; you knew that as the day wore on it would be another hot one.  As you walked through the forest you could barely see but a few feet in front of you; although, it didn’t matter because you knew the path well.  You enjoyed trekking through the forest this early in the morning.  Most creatures were still asleep, and you liked knowing that you were up before they were. 

As you were coming upon the edge of the forest, the mist began to lessen.  When you came to the clearing of the field, you stopped and looked out at the mixture of waist high brown grass, and grey mist that floated in between the stalks.  The sun hung low in the clear blue sky. 

_How much longer would Skog stay like this? If we make the deal with the Resistance would they want to expand the city? Would they truly protect the planet from another battle? How much longer would Skog stay a peaceful planet?  Or has the peace already been broken and this is just the calm before another storm?_

You closed your eyes and spread your feelings. The waves of other life forms flooded your senses and you took a deep breath as if you wanted to breathe in this very moment.  In this moment there was peace, but how much longer would peace grace you with its presence?  An unexplainable and almost undesirable feeling inside of you made you believe that this feeling of peace wasn’t going to linger much longer.

You trudged through the tall grass, and the mist began to dissipate as the sun grew high in the sky.  Soon you could make out the city glowing in the sunlight.

 

You didn’t pull down the hood of your cloak until you made your way through the big steel doors of city hall. You looked over towards the front desk and saw Sylvia sitting there talking to two other Stokians.  Looking at the clock above her desk you saw the time was 5:58.

_Right on time._

Sylvia looked up from her conversation and smiled at you.  With her hands she signed L1 004 and then swished her hands as if to shew you along.  You chuckled, nodded thanks, and made your way to the 4th conference room.

_I guess I should have tried to get here a little earlier so that I could have chatted with her before the meeting.  It would have been nice to get scoop on who is here._

 As you entered the conference room you were greeted by the smiles of multiple Stokians sitting around a large table.

“(Y/N)!” you heard Morell’s voice boom. “Glad to see you here!”

Your eyes scanned the room until you saw where he was sitting.  He motioned for you to sit down in the empty chair next to him.

“Good morning Morell” you smiled as you sat down.

“We are waiting on two more and then we will get the meeting started” a Stokian woman from across the table informed you.

You recognized her immediately; she was the leader of the neighboring city to the west, Grun.

“Good morning Eissel” you smiled.

“It is good to see you (Y/N).  I am glad to see you are still alive after the battle.” Eissel smiled back.

“Yea well I just bunkered down in my house for a few days until it ended.”

“How is Dez doing?” she asked leaning over the table towards you.

Morell chuckled and you smiled.  Eissel was a younger leader, and her and Dez were more than just fond of each other.  You knew that eventually Dez would leave his tribe in the forest and probably move to Grun to be with her.  But he couldn’t leave his tribe until another able doctor took his place there.

“From what I know he is doing well! Although to be honest, I haven’t seen him in a few weeks.”

“Well if you do see him soon tell him I send my best wishes his way.  Also tell him to visit Grun sometime soon” she smiled politely.

“He hasn’t visited you in months hasn’t he? I will definitely tell him to visit!” you laughed.

Usually you saw Eissel outside of work; it was a little funny to see her speaking so politely.  The Eissel you knew would have used harsher words in a message to Dez, but here she needed to be professional.

The two Stokians who had been talking with Sylvia earlier had now entered the room and taken their places at the table.

“Looks like everyone is here” Morell whispered to you and then stood up.

“Hello everyone” he began to address the crowd. “I am glad that we all could make it here today. Before we get down to business I would like each of us to state our name and position so that we all at least can walk out of this room today as acquaintances.  As I am sure all of you know, my name is Morell and I am the Mayor of Tressel.”

He then nudged you.

Quickly you stood up and stated, “Hello my name is (Y/N) and I work under Morell as an Ambassador.”

Morell quickly cut in, “You may note that (Y/N) is the only one here that isn’t a Stok.  I know that a few of you were against having her, but I want to vouch for her here and now to end all speculation.  She is one of, if not the best, ambassadors I have ever had the pleasure to work with in my career.  She represents this planet and our species well, and her thorough knowledge of the galaxy has been of great use to us. I know she will be of great help with these negotiations.”

You stood there for a moment frozen, unsure of what to do.  Your cheeks were red from the compliments that your boss had just stated in front of the whole room.  Quickly, your wide eyes scanned the room.

“Th-Thank you” you replied quietly before taking your seat. 

Eissel gave you reaffirming nod from across the table as the next Stok went on to introduce himself.

 

The meeting was long and a bit boring at times.  It was mainly the leaders of the major cities of the planet debating if Skog should become a base for the Resistance.  You remained unusually silent, and just stuck to using your unknown force abilities to calm anyone who seemed to start to become too upset.  By early afternoon, a decision had been made; Skog was going to side with the Resistance. The major cities Tressel, Grun, and Bruss will all open their hospitals up to the Resistance fighters.  You knew you had to tell Kylo the news of the decision.  If you didn’t tell him, he would certainly take it from you.  Although, the feeling of dread grew as you thought about the speech Morell made this morning.

_I have earned his full confidence only to let him down.  But I am not just failing him; I am failing this entire planet.  The First Order will be back to fight here and it will be my fault!_

You closed your eyes for a moment to calm yourself. To be honest you would have really preferred if Skog just stayed out of the war and didn’t help the Resistance.  Deep down you knew that even if you hadn’t taken Kylo in, the First Order still would have found out sooner or later that Skog really was assisting the Resistance.  Still, you couldn’t help but feel responsible for what was about to happen in the next few days.  Whatever was going to happen next, you knew wouldn’t be good.

 

As the meeting ended for the day, Morell pulled you aside.

“You were a bit quiet today (Y/N).  Is everything alright?” he asked with a genuine look of concern on his face.

“I’m fine” you smiled back, “I just figured that since I wasn’t born on this planet, it wasn’t entirely my place to say too much to influence the decision today.  I figured I will be of better use tomorrow when we talk with the Jedi and negotiate terms.”

Morell smirked, “Well that is all very considerate, but Skog is your home just as much as it is mine! You are smart and you are family.  Your opinion will always be considered important to me.”

His words stuck you like knives, each one driving a new blade deeper into your body.  Trying your best to keep a smile on your face you nodded and said a thank you.

“No problem! I’ll see you here same time tomorrow! Get a lot of rest tonight because you will need it!”

“You too” you replied back before leaving for the doors.

 

You walked towards your house slowly.  You weren’t ready to face Kylo and tell him the news.  The thoughts racing through your brain were so scattered that they were hardly sentences.  You knew that if you returned to Kylo like this, he would pick you apart.

_I had told Kylo that I may side with him but not with the First Order.  Can I even do that?  Surely I can’t side with Kylo if I am also on the side of the Resistance.  The Resistance fighters are coming here to Skog.  Do I really want to live with them always knowing what they did to my family?  I moved to Skog to get away from the war...maybe I should move again… can I leave behind all of my friends here?  Everyone thinks so highly of me, and yet I am about to really let them down._

Your thoughts bore down on you as you trudged through the forest to your house.  As you got closer, you forced yourself to quiet your mind so that Kylo would not sense your distress.  When you finally arrived in your front yard, you were surprised to see Dez’s medical speeder outside your house.  You quickened your pace as you thought about what might being going on inside your house with just Kylo and Dez inside.

You practically threw open your front door as you entered in.  Your eyes scanned your kitchen wildly as if you were preparing to see some sort of fight happening.  To your surprise, all you saw was Dez drinking tea at your kitchen table.

“Hey” you greeted hesitantly, “It’s been awhile”

“It has” Dez smiled and looked up from his tea.

“So, uh, where is Kylo?” you questioned.

“He is out back meditating. He told me he would give me privacy to speak with you.”

“Well that’s good” you sighed sitting down at the table, “What did you want to talk about?”

“I talked with Sylvia the other day. She filled me in on the job Morell has you doing.”

“Yea Morell told her to keep quiet about it, but Sylvia has always been a bit of a talker” you laughed.

Dez just stared at you waiting for you to say more. 

“You want to know what my plan is” you said hastily.

“To be honest, I would just like to know if you even have a plan” he chuckled a little, “You know you can’t keep Kylo and Morell happy. I know Morell wants to allow the Resistance access to our hospitals. They are now on different sides of the war.”

“I know” you sighed and turned your head away from him, “Tomorrow we will go before the Resistance and tell them that they can use the hospitals here.  I just…” you cut yourself off and put your face in your hands.  You could feel Dez’s gaze on you, but you didn’t lift you head back up to look at him.

After a minute or so of silence Dez questioned, “I know you are not a big fan of the Resistance, but do you think you would support the First Order?”

“No, I do not want to support the First Order, but…” you trailed off for a moment questioning if you really wanted to say what you were thinking. “…but I would support Kylo. I know it seems weird but he’s different Dez.  He’s different from most people.  He wants to put a stop to this fighting and I think that in time he really could.  He is strong in the force and is powerful….”

“He has tried to kill you multiple times!” Dez interrupted you.

“I won’t sit here and try to draw him as an angel; even I don’t know all of what he is capable of.  He has told me about some dark things he has done, and I know what he has told me doesn’t even come close to all the bad things he has really done.  Still, I can see what he is trying to do and I think that over time he will learn to control himself and make the right decisions.  Maybe I could even help him with that.”

Dez was silent as he mulled over what you were saying; his forehead skin was wrinkled in confusion.

“It’s just that with the Resistance I am nothing but collateral damage.  Whether I had ever met Kylo or not, eventually the First Order will find out what we are doing here on Skog and come back here looking for another fight.  When that happens, my life will again just be collateral damage.  If I was with the First Order, I would just be another supporter or another worker; I wouldn’t really make a difference.  But with Kylo, I could make a difference.  If he lets me go with him I could teach him how to control his anger.  It wouldn’t be a huge difference, but if he could learn to control his anger better it could mean that I have helped save countless lives later on.  I know he has the ability to control himself.  He just needs some help fine tuning that ability.”

“Are you sure” Dez questioned.

“I’m sure” you sighed, “He has promised that he won’t hurt me again and he has kept the promise.  I know he is capable of controlling himself, and because he has kept his promise I trust him enough to follow him.”

Dez nodded as he began to understand. “So you have decided to stop running” he stated more to himself than to you.  “I remember when I first met you on Mandalore.  You were always running; running away from you force powers, running from the war, running from past employers...” he paused and laughed.

“If I remember correctly, I was running from my most recent employer when I met you!” you laughed.

“Yea if I had known what I was getting into, and the other past employers I would have to help you escape from I don’t know if I would have agreed to help you out then” he laughed.

You rolled your eyes and smiled, “Yea but just think about all of the fun times we have had together since then! You can’t tell me you would take all of those times back!”

Dez shook his head, “You’re right.  I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything.”

You both fell silent and suddenly you realized what this conversation had turned into.

_Am I about to say goodbye to Dez?_

A lump formed in your throat as you realized that if you do go with Kylo, this may be the last conversation with Dez you ever have.

“Dez” you started in a more serious tone, “Thank you… for everything.  I really don’t know where I would be without you.”

Dez smiled and moved his boney hand to scratch his head. “You know I can say the same for you too.  I was running too when I met you, but you taught me that Skog was my home and it was where I needed to be.  I will always be grateful for that.”

“Yea well just do me a favor and visit Eissel for me! I saw her today and I think she really misses you! And when the First Order comes back here make sure to keep her safe!”

“Shit did you see her today?” he asked as a smile spread across his face. “I know it’s been a few months since I have seen her, but I swear I have been planning on moving to Grun by the end of the year!”

“Do you want me to tell her that?” you asked a little surprised that he hadn’t said anything about the move before.

“No, no.  Just tell her I will be in Tressel this weekend so she better still be there until then!”

Just then you heard your front door open.  You looked away from Dez and saw Kylo walking in from the darkness outside.  His face was emotionless, but you had a feeling he had been listening to your conversation with Dez the whole time.

“Looks like it’s about time for me to go” Dez stated as he stood up.

You turned your gaze back to him and immediately you began to frown.  You didn’t want him to go.

Kylo walked into the living room as you walked Dez to the door.

Dez turned to you and stated, “I trust you and I trust your judgement.  No matter what side you choose, you will always have a place to call home here on Skog.”

“Thank you Dez.  That means the world to me” you smiled weakly at him before he turned and walked towards his speeder.

You lingered in the doorway even after he was out of sight.  The thought that you may never see your best friend again weighed heavily on your chest.

_Am I making the right decision?  If I stay here I get to keep my job and friends, but what will happen when the First Order returns?_

You closed the door and made your way into the living room where Kylo was sitting.

He watched you as you made your way to the other side of the couch.

You sat down and turned to face him; his face was still emotionless.  You couldn’t help but admire the way his hair outlined his face, or how his intense brown eyes had a certain allure to them.  Yet his faded scar was what currently stood out to you.  It was magnificently displayed across his face as a reminder of what might happen to you if you went with him.

_Would he even let me go with him?_

“Did you mean what you said?” Kylo questioned.

“You mean what I said with Dez?”

“Yes”

“Yea, I did mean it” you replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ends at a weird place, but you will see why I ended it here when I release the next chapter. I have been debating on whether to try to give it a better ending or just leave it, but the school year starts tomorrow and I really wanted to put this chapter out tonight, so I just left it how it was. 
> 
> Any comments are appreciated and welcomed! :) Tell me what you liked or disliked about the chapter, tell me about grammatical mistakes, or tell me about how much you fangirl, or fanboy, over Kylo.


	24. One more time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's POV! Also, it is smut! If you do not like smut, you don't have to read this chapter because you won't be missing out on the major story line :)
> 
> So as one reader mentioned, I have been grammatically writing Kylo's perspective wrong. I have changed this chapter to be grammatically correct. (I changed the 'yous' into 'her/she'.) I am trying this writing style out and seeing how I like it. Please comment and let me know what you think! Is it better or worse, or should I just stop writing it from his perspective? Once I make my decision, I will be slightly changing the previous chapters to fit the new style. So I really need everyone's opinions!! :)

"Yea, I did mean it” she replied.

Kylo watched as her hand reached up for his face, but unlike last time it didn’t stop before it got to its destination.  He closed his eyes as he felt her soft lips press against his.  Her kiss was weary and gentle.  She was testing the waters, seeing how far he would let her go. 

The idea of her wanting him made his heart jump in his chest and his pants grow tighter around him.  A mixture of lust and pride began to fill him.  He lusted after her; he wanted to feel her bare skin against his fingertips, taste her like he had last time, and see her naked on her knees before him.  He wanted to relive everything that they did to each other last time; yet this time it would be better.  It would be better because she believed in him, and he couldn’t deny that her trust in him only made her sexier.

Kylo deepened the kiss by slowing inching his way over top of her.  He watched as she laid her head down on the end of the sofa and brushed a stray strand of hair from her face.  Her eyes looking up at him, betraying her excitement of what was about to happen.

Again her hand reached up for his face.   She brushed back some of his hair that was falling into his face and let her hand fall down to below his ear.  He closed his eyes and felt her thumb trace along his scar.

Unable to wait any longer, Kylo brought his lips crashing back down onto hers.  He slipped his tongue past the walls of her lips and began to explore her mouth.  As he was busy exploring, he felt her hands slip underneath his shirt and begin to trace the outline of his muscles.  Placing his weight on one hand, he began to lift up her shirt with his other.

She pulled away from him and quickly pulled off her shirt to give him easier access; he followed your lead.  With bare chests exposed, he focused his attention on her breasts.  He softly swirled his tongue around her nipple until it became hard under his touch.  As he began to suck, he felt her hips roll into his.  Her hands reached for his hair and he smirked into her breast.  The power he had over her was only turning him on even more.

His lips moved from her nipple to in between her breasts; biting and sucking on any skin he could get a hold of.  Her fingers danced along the skin of his back tracing scars from past battles.  He would never admit it, but he loved the way her fingers traced every outline of him; the way she paid attention to every little bump and crevice of his skin as if she was trying to memorize every inch of him. 

He kissed her down along her belly until he reached the top of her pants.  He paused and looked up at her to meet gazes.

“Take them off” he stated as he lifted himself up and began to deal with his own pants.

Kylo felt her begin to wiggle underneath of him as she slipped out of her pants.  As he undid his, his length popped out and slightly smacked against the skin of her stomach.  He stopped and watched her gaze as it admired his newly exposed skin.  He swiftly moved to slide his pants fully off of him before positioning himself back on top of her.

As he noticed her gaze still on his dick, he reached down and began to slowly stroke it.  He watched as her hunger grew and her mouth instinctively opened.

“Tell me what you want” he demanded as he rubbed his tip with his thumb.

Her eyes briefly met his with a look of embarrassment; pleading to not make her say it aloud.

 “Tell me” he grumbled.  With every stroke he gave himself he became more impatient.

“Do you need some encouragement?” he questioned as he reached down and led a finger along her wet slit.

 _Fuck she’s so wet_ he thought as he felt her quiver under his touch.

“Kylo… please” she begged him.

“Please what?” he encouraged her again.

“I-I want you inside of me” she whispered.

He smirked at the sound of her voice.

 _Embarrassed of her need for me_ he thought as he gave himself one long last stroke.

“On your stomach” he demanded.

She did as he said and rolled onto your stomach, propping herself up by her forearms.

Kylo placed himself in-between her legs and slid himself into her.

Immediately he felt her warmth encase his length.  She was tight and he paused for a moment to let her get adjusted to him.  All the while he relished in the feeling of her cunt around him.

He positioned his arms on either side of her and lowered himself down closer to her back before he started to move his hips.  His breath shook as he began to slide in and out; her wetness making it all too easy for him. 

He began to thrust into her harder and harder; moving one hand from the sofa onto her hips.  As he began to climb to towards his climax he heard a mewl come from her lips.  

Suddenly he felt the need to see her face. 

Frustrated by the need, he quickly pulled out of her, grabbed both sides of her hips, and forcefully turned her over onto her back.

His eyes met hers for a moment before he began to thrust himself back inside.  He watched her face change from that of shock to ecstasy from him being back inside.  In response he let a low groan escape from the back of his throat.  He began pounding into her; his gaze never leaving her face.  He saw her eyes grow wide and then close as she let out a soft moan.  He felt her cunt tighten around him as her climax washed over her.

“Fuck” he breathed as his thrusts became erratic and the wave of his climax overtook him.

He rode out his climax as his arms began to shake and give way.  Still inside her, he lowered himself down on top of her.

She shifted uncomfortably underneath his weight, and he let out a small laugh.  Wrapping his arms around her back, he rolled so that he was underneath her.  He felt her body tense for a moment but relax as she laid her head down on his chest.  

_If only we could stay like this for longer..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will probably start updating just once a week! Unfortunately, being a college student while working takes up a lot of my free time :/


	25. Beginning of an End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader-Chan's POV

You didn’t want to leave; you wanted stay in bed for maybe the rest of your life; but as your alarm went off you slipped out of Kylo’s hold and rose to silence it.  Standing up out of bed you looked back at him.  His eyes were half open as he was just waking up.  You gave him a slight smile and left for the bathroom.

While in the shower your thoughts drifted back to last night.  Everything about it was great; the way he made you feel during and after sex was something you hadn’t felt the first time you both did it.  The way he turned you onto your back and watched your face as you came was almost intimate, yet you were scared to think that the feeling you felt was actually intimacy.  Still, even if you felt it, there was still no way to know what he was feeling during all of it.  It was even scarier to think about what might happen between the two of you after today.  Would he really take you with him?  Does he really feel anything for you at all?  Does he actually trust you? The questions in your head didn’t seem to end, but you knew they would all be answered soon enough.

You took your time getting ready and ended up leaving the house a few minutes later than you should have.  Before you left, you gave Kylo, who was now sitting at your kitchen table, one last weary smile before heading out the door.

Now in a hurry to make it to City Hall on time you didn’t pay much attention to the forest or the field.  Your mind was far more focused on what today was going to be like, what you were going to say, and what the Jedi would be like.

The feeling of dread was now at its peak and you knew it was only a matter of time before something bad was going to happen.  The problem was you just didn’t know what exactly it was going to be.

When you arrived at City Hall and entered through the large doors, you scanned the room and saw multiple people standing around the front desk.  Morell and Eissel were among them, as well as two other Stokians, two women, and an older man.  Taking a deep breath and making sure to hide your force presence you walked up to the group.

“There you are!” Morell exclaimed as he turned to you, “General Organa, Luke, and Rey I would like you to meet my friend Ambassador (Y/N)”.

“Nice to meet you all” you smiled back as you shook hands with the three of them. 

As they turned back to Morell, you made sure to sneak an extra look at the general.

_Is this Kylo’s mother?_

“(Y/N) I was hoping you could entertain our honored guests while we tend to some last minute details. It should only take a minute or so” Morell stated as he began to take his leave.

With Morell gone you turned back to everyone. “It’s an honor to have the Resistance here.  The Stokians are looking forward to working with you.  With the battle that happened a few weeks back, I know they are in much need of some reassured peace.”

“Yes with every battle we win we are one step closer to defeating the First Order and bringing peace to planets like yours ” General Organa reassured.

“That is true” you nodded, “I heard a rumor that the Resistance killed one of the First Order’s Commanders in the battle.  That must have weakened them considerably.”

You watched as Rey and Luke exchanged glances at your comment.

“Well…” Rey started. “We aren’t sure if he is actually dead.”

You feigned a confused look.

“The commander’s name was Kylo Ren.  I fought him and weakened him, but became distracted in saving a fellow comrade before I could finish him.  When I went back to finish him off, he was gone.  I tried looking for him, but in the midst of battle it was difficult.  After the battle, one of our men even listened in on a stolen Stormtrooper comm link and heard that the First Order couldn't find him either. He couldn’t have survived unless someone found him and aided him, which I doubt anyone did.”

This time a weary glance passed between Luke and the general.

Rey's response made you smile.  _At least they aren't trying to hide the truth._

“How long have you lived here?” the General asked changing the subject.

“About 7 years” you replied willing to let the subject of Kylo end.  “It’s a great place.  The Stokians are magnificent doctors and they really would take good care of your wounded soldiers.”

“That’s what we are hoping for” General Organa smiled.

_If this is Kylo’s mother, he must have gotten his anger from his dad because she seems so nice!_

You saw Morell making his way back over to you.

“We are ready for the negotiations” he smiled.

With that he led everyone to a conference room on the top floor that was slightly larger than the one you were in yesterday.  You had been in this conference room before; it was where Morell held sessions when he wanted to show off.  One wall was completely made up of glass that allowed a spectacular view of the city, especially at sunset.  The wall to the left was lined with a tapestry that depicted some of the rolling hills in the southern hemisphere, the table in the center of the room was exquisitely carved from a dark wood found only on Skog, and the chairs were probably the most comfortable chairs you had ever sat in in your life. 

“Please have a seat” Morell motioned for everyone to sit down.  Most of the chairs were already filled with Stokian leaders, but there were four open spots that you and the Resistance members sat down in.

As the negotiations went underway, you began to like the Resistance members even more.  Unlike a lot of other creatures you had dealt with in your career on Skog, they remained completely calm and polite through much of the discussion.  They were attentive and expressed a genuine concern for the Stokians’ wishes.  When the death of Kylo was brought up by one of the Stokians, they openly shared about their uncertainty of his death, but assured that it is improbable that he survived.  Overall, things were going smoothly.  You began to relax and slightly ignore the bad feeling in your gut.  

_Maybe some of the Resistance fighters aren't too bad._

About an hour into everything you heard a rumbling from outside, but paid no attention to it.  The city was still undergoing restoration from the battle.  When another rumbling happened you looked away from the Stokian who was speaking.  Suddenly Luke stood up.  Everyone’s gaze turned to him as his face melted into a long frown.

“Your city is under attack” he stated.

“What?” one of the Stokian leaders questioned him.

Suddenly General Organa and Rey stood up.

“Luke” the General breathed, “He’s here; he’s alive.”

Your heart sank. _They are talking about Kylo.  Is he and the First Order launching an attack?_

“Is there a safe place in the building where you can all hide?” Rey questioned as she looked around the room.

“Y-yes!  Down in the basement!” Morell shouted as he stood. 

Suddenly the glass on the window burst from a stray shot from the battle now forming outside.

“Everyone needs to go there now!” Rey shouted.

Immediately the Stokians began to rise and head for the door.

You stood up and paused unsure of what you should be doing.

_I can’t let them know that I am with Kylo, but if he wants me to go with him I somehow need to get reach him through this mess.  Although, I'm still not even certain he really wants me to aide him._

“(Y/N)!” Eissel shouted, “Let’s go!”

Locking gazes with her, you nodded and moved towards the door.  For now the best thing you could do was follow what everyone else was doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally we are at the negotiations!!! Now here comes Kylo to mess it all up hehehehe I hope everyone is excited to see what happens next :)


	26. Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have figured out the POV issue! I am going to leave it as I originally had it for two reasons. One because I am lazy and can't see myself having the time to go back and change the other chapters. Two, because I talked to my sister who is an English major and she said that while it sounds a little weird, it is o.k. However, when Kylo thinks about Reader-Chan I need to use 'she/her'. 
> 
> So here is the next chapter! Kylo's POV!

Kylo watched you as you left.

_I still haven’t heard anything from the First Order.  What if I can’t really take her with me? I want her to come back with me but the decision puts her life in danger.  I promised that I wouldn’t kill her, but I can’t promise her that someone else won’t._

An image of Snoke crossed his mind.

_What will he think about all of this? Maybe if I redeem my failure at the last battle he will see the benefit of having her around; she does help me to control my anger._

Kylo closed his eyes and began to meditate. _The negotiations are happening today; the First Order will be in contact with me today._

Only a few minutes later there was a knock at the front door.  Annoyed, Kylo opened his eyes and stopped meditating.

_If this is her doctor friend again I swear…_

Kylo’s thoughts stopped as he opened the door to the house and saw a Stormtrooper standing outside in his full uniform.

“Commander Ren?” the trooper asked.

Kylo’s chest began to fill with relief.  He hadn’t realized how much he missed the title of Commander.

“Come inside before someone sees you” Kylo hissed.

The Stormtrooper picked up a large black bag on the ground and followed Kylo into the house.

“It’s good to see you _alive_ Sir” the trooper said after he had closed the door.

Kylo felt the hesitation in the trooper’s voice.  There was more to that statement than the trooper was letting on to.

“What is that supposed to mean?”   

“Well sir a lot of us thought you were dead and uh…”

“And what?” Kylo asked trying to keep his voice level.

“Well the First Order has had some major setbacks since you have been gone. Captian Phasma is dead and…”

“Enough” Kylo cut him off.  That was all he needed to hear. If the First Order is in a rough spot then this is the perfect time for him to make his comeback and prove himself to Snoke.  If the First Order planned to battle on Skog today, he was going to make sure that they won.

“What is the plan?” Kylo asked.

“The plan is to take Skog before the Resistance does.  We have a fleet ready for the battle.  General Hux will be leading the fleet and is awaiting your signal to move into position and attack the planet.”

“Good” Kylo smirked.  The feeling of being in charge again was invigorating; he could feel it beginning to course through his veins and fill him with power.

_Finally things are getting back to how they should be!_

“Sir in the bag is your new robes and mask.  They are the same as your old ones”

Kylo knelt down, unzipped the bag and pulled out his armor. He didn’t know what had happened to his old mask, but having his new robes and mask in his fingertips made the taste of revenge seem even sweeter.

_I am going to win this battle today; no matter the cost._

As he began to stand back up, he stopped and looked at your empty sofa.  Memories of last began to flood his mind.

“(Y/N)” he accidentally whispered your name aloud.

“What sir?” the trooper asked.

“Nothing” Kylo snapped as he rose to his feet and turned away from the couch. “I will be back in a moment after I change. You may sit on the couch but do not touch anything!”

Kylo walked into your bedroom and then the bathroom.  He glanced at the bed and thought back to the conversation you both had the other night.

_She believes in me, but will she still want to believe in me after she witnesses what is about to happen?_

Kylo mulled over the thought as he slipped on his black robes.  Before putting on his helmet he stared at himself in the mirror.

_She won’t recognize me with the helmet on; maybe it is better that way.  Maybe it is better that I leave and not take her.  She saw a part of me that no one else has and no one else ever will see again.  If I leave her now she will only have the memories of me from the past few months.  At least I would be able to leave one person without giving them the impression that I am a complete monster.  I want her to come with me, but only for my own benefit.  If I leave her behind I will most likely be saving her life, and if there was ever a life I would want to save it would be hers._

Kylo closed his eyes and put on his helmet. It shut with a hiss and a click.

_I am a monster.  It is better this way._

Kylo waited at you house meditating until he felt that the time was right.  When it was time to leave he took one last look at your house in an attempt to remind himself that the time spent there was real.  He knew that when he went back to the First Order, Snoke would most likely want him to forget about you.  A part of him would forget, but he knew that deep down a part of him would never forget.

“It’s time” Kylo said over the comm link to Hux.  He was almost taken aback by his voice.  He had forgotten what his voice sounded like through the distorter in his mask.

 _It’s better this way_. He reminded himself as he hopped on the Stormtrooper’s speeder.

Kylo and the trooper sped quickly through the forest and into the grassy field.  He saw the glistening city in the distance and felt a pain in his chest as he thought about leaving you again.  As they grew closer to the city he saw First Order ships start to land in the plains around the city.  Any moment now the city would be under attack.

“Where in the city are we going to?” the trooper asked over the rushing wind.

“City Hall” Kylo replied “I have a fight to finish”

 

When they arrived at City Hall the city was under attack.  Troopers were rounding up citizens and clearing paths for planes to land in the city streets.  The Resistance fighters were nowhere to be found.  Kylo figured that they would only bring a select few Resistance members to the negotiations to create a façade of peace with the Stokians.  With any luck, Kylo hoped that he could find Rey and finish her off before other Resistance fighters have the time to make it to Skog.

Kylo marched up the stairs and to the large doors of City Hall.  He breathed out and searched for your presence in the force but found nothing. 

_That’s right; she is hiding her presence from the Resistance.  Hopefully I will not run into her before I find Rey._

As he entered the hall he looked to his right and saw a trooper holding a Stokian hostage at the front desk.

In a few steps Kylo walked over to the Stokian.  She was almost as tall as he was but the fear in her eyes showed that he didn’t need to use his height to intimidate her.

“Where are the Jedi?” he asked.

“I-I – uh Jedi?” she questioned him. “I don’t k-know any Jedi” she lied.

“You are lying” he stated and watched her wince at his distorted voice.  He took a deep and tried to breath in the fear she was emitting.  To him this fear was exhilarating.

“Where are the Jedi?” he asked now growing impatient.

“I- I d-don’t know!” the Stokian exclaimed.

“Enough!” Kylo force pushed her up against the wall. 

Suddenly a memory popped into his head.  It was when you had first told him about the negotiations; you had mentioned talking with a Stokian woman who worked at the desk in City Hall. 

_This must be that woman.  This is one of (Y/N)’s friends._

Kylo let go of his force grip on the Stokian and let out a scream.

He couldn’t kill her.

 _WEAK!_ He screamed the word in his head over and over.  _I am weak!_

He looked back at the Stokian cowering on the ground.

“KYLO!” a familiar voice shouted his name. 

He whirled around only to see his mother, uncle and Rey standing at the end of a hallway to his right.

Immediately he reached for his lightsaber and ignited it.

 _I am not weak!_ He told himself.  _I will end this here and prove just how strong I really am._

“Ben” his mother said in a soft yet shaky voice “What are you doing?”

Kylo laughed. “Ben!” he shouted walking towards them and readying himself, “Ben is dead!  Your son his dead. He died the moment you tried to hold him back!”

He watched as Rey and Luke readied to fight.  Rey had fire in her eyes, but Kylo only saw sadness in Luke’s.

_He is weak with emotion.  I will go for him first._

Kylo sprang towards them; lightsaber ignited and ready for battle.  Rey and Luke ran towards him, and it was Luke who got to Kylo first.  Their lightsabers met with such ferocity that sparks flew outwards from the impact.  Kylo smirked underneath his mask as he drew his lightsaber back for his next attack; Luke, however, was a little quicker. Kylo dodged Luke’s lightsaber and managed to swipe Luke off his feet in the process.  Luke fell to the floor but before Kylo had a chance to finish him off, Rey came after him.  Kylo force pushed her away and focused his attention back to Luke who was now on his feet again.

“Kylo you don’t have to do this” Leia shouted from down the hall.

 _She will never understand_ he thought as rage began to grow inside of him.

Sparks began to fly from his crimson lightsaber as he dueled with Luke.  He could tell that he was slower than he used to be, but he was still a match for Luke.  While he dueled, he spread his feelings outwards always keeping tabs on where Rey was.  He had smashed her clear into a wall and she had to take a moment to regain her wits.  Before long she was back in the battle and he was facing both of them.

He whirled around blocking their lightsabers and trying to get a force push on one of them when he could.  They were strong, but as he fought he felt his rage and power grow stronger.  He was driven, focused, and determined to win no matter what.

_I will regain my honor here!_

As Rey was about to swing another strike with her lightsaber, Kylo dodged to the left but was surprised that Rey had stopped halfway and now force pushed him.  At the realization of what was happening, Kylo force pushed her back and they both went flying into opposite walls.  Luke jumped after Kylo, and as he smacked into the wall and fell to the ground, Luke positioned himself over Kylo with his lightsaber ready to kill.

Without even thinking Kylo braced himself for the impact of the lightsaber, but it never came.

“KYLO!” he heard you shout his name.

Kylo looked up at Luke only to find that he was frozen stiff; unable to move a single muscle.

He turned his head to the left and saw you a few feet away with both your arms outstretched.

_She has stopped Luke with the force!_

Surprised, Kylo took this opportunity to draw his lightsaber on Luke, only to find that he couldn’t move any muscle below his neck.

Now completely in shock he turned his head towards you again.  You were now just a foot away from him.

 _What is she planning?_ He thought as he overflowed with anger. _This is my chance to kill my uncle!_

“Kylo” he heard you say his name more softly and felt your calmness begin to brush against his skin.

“Is this who you really are?” you asked.

The question made him cringe in pain.  His rage slowly started to turn into a growing hole of emptiness that began to gnaw at him from the inside out.  He turned his head away from you, a little ashamed that you had to see him like this.  But to his surprise as he turned away, he felt your calmness start to enter into him and fill the darkness.

“Ambassador (L/N)” he heard Rey address you. “What is going on?”

“D-don’t come any closer” you replied sternly. 

Rey stopped in her tracks, “Just whose side are you on exactly?”

As soon as the question left Rey’s mouth Kylo knew what was going to happen.  He realized that you had again saved his life, but you weren’t going to allow him to kill Luke this easily. If you did, that would mean that his uncle’s death would be partly your fault. 

_I may be a monster, but she isn’t._

“I’m not against you, but I cannot stand by and let you kill Kylo” you stated.

“But Kylo is with the First Order! If you are defending his life then you are with them” Rey replied.

“Think what you will” you smirked.

Rey readied her lightsaber and was about to go after you.  Instantly Kylo leapt forward and grabbed you before Rey had a chance to swing her blade.

_She knew I would choose saving her over killing Luke… She puts a dangerous amount of trust in me._

Still, Kylo couldn’t help but smile down at you as he carried you bridal style in his arms out of the building.

Just like Kylo had instructed Hux over the commlink, a ship was placed outside of City Hall awaiting his arrival.  However, with Rey and Luke right on his tail he knew he wouldn’t be able to reach it and put you safely inside.  He needed to battle the Jedi, but he also needed to get you to a safe place.

“Do you see that ship straight ahead” he asked you as he ran.

You nodded your head yes.

“When I let you down I want you to run there as fast as you can.  I will meet you there shortly”

“But K…” Before you had a chance to protest, Kylo let go of you and turned to face his enemies.

“GO!” he shouted as he activated his lightsaber.

He ran forward to meet Luke and Rey as the troopers began to turn their fire to both the Jedi.

_I can win this!_

Kylo went after Luke as he was busy deflecting the trooper’s fire.  He could still feel your calmness filling him and it seemed to make him concentrate better. Kylo moved with ease as he dueled his tiring uncle; after only a minute Kylo could tell that Luke was slowing down.  Suddenly a laser blast hit Luke in his leg.  Luke immediately stumbled and tripped onto his hands.  With Rey busy fighting off the growing number of troopers, Kylo saw this as his chance.  He raised his lightsaber and in one swift motion he decapitated Luke. 

Almost instantly, Luke’s clothing collapsed to the ground as his body disappeared and Luke became one with the force.

Kylo heard Rey scream as she suddenly charged after him, but he was ready for her.  She furiously began to swing her lightsaber.  Kylo kept up with her speed and blocked every sloppy and angry attack she tried on him.

_I have her now! Any minute she will make a big enough mistake and leave me an opening to finish her._

Kylo continued to skillfully block her attacks, all the while looking for that opening that he needed to finish her.  Then, unexpectedly, Rey began to withdraw away from Kylo.  He let her back away and watched as she started to move in a different direction, trying to figure out what she was planning.  As he looked ahead of where she was going he realized she was headed right for his ship.

_(Y/N)!_

He quickly went after her, but she was faster than him.  Even while she was deflecting the trooper’s shots, she still managed to reach the ship before he could catch up to her.  He attempted to use the force to drag her back towards him, but she blocked the attempt.

When he got to the ship, he saw Rey walking towards him with you at the mercy of her lightsaber.

“Back up” Rey ordered; her voice shaking.

Kylo stood his ground.

“She is obviously important to you.  If you don’t back away I will kill her” she threatened.

Still trying to conjure a plan, Kylo decided to do what she said.

He backed up as you and Rey walked down the ships platform and back into the battlefield.  Kylo’s gaze never left you as he waited for any opportunity he could to get you safely back with him.  That opportunity came as a Stormtrooper fired at you and Rey. Kylo stopped the laser in midair, raised his hand as he force pushed the trooper and sent him flying into a nearby building.  For just a moment, Rey diverted her attention to the flying trooper.  A moment was all Kylo needed; he reached out his other hand and used the force to pull you towards him.  He watched as you raced from Rey’s grasp and stumbled into his now outstretched arm.

Rey’s faced twisted from anger into surprise as she realized she had just lost her hostage. 

The realization that he was not going to be able to focus on killing Rey and get you off this planet safely began to plague Kylo’s mind.  Supreme Leader would not like his decision, but he needed to see you live through this battle.  After saving his life twice, he was not going to let you die while under his watch.

“I’ll distract Rey as you run for the ship again” he instructed. 

As soon as he had spoken he leapt towards Rey again.  He dueled her until he knew you were safely on board. 

“Capture her” he ordered the troopers who were standing around them.  As the troopers closed in and preoccupied Rey with their shots, Kylo slipped away into the ship.  He knew that the troopers would not be able to successfully capture her, but at least he would be able to make a clean escape.

Once on the ship Kylo quickly made his way into the cockpit only to find you in the copilot seat.  Kylo smirked underneath his mask and began instructing you on which buttons to press.  In a matter of seconds, the ship was off the ground and Kylo was steering towards the atmosphere of the planet.

_We made it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so glad I finally got this chapter out! It took me awhile to write, but it was fun! I know there is a lot in there so if anyone is confused about anything let me know!! Or just write a comment about something else from the chapter! I love to read comments!! 
> 
> On another note, I saw a Kylo beach towel 50% off at a store the other day and had to get it! I just needed to share that because I am so excited about it! :)


	27. The Finalizer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your POV

“Send me the coordinates; I will meet you on the Finalizer.” Kylo commanded into his comlink.

You couldn’t help but wince at his distorted voice.

_So this is the real Kylo Ren; Commander of the First Order and Darth Vader’s grandson._

You stared at him as he entered the coordinates for your destination.

_The Finalizer… What kind of name is that?  It certainly can’t be a planet.  Is it a ship?  Is it the Death Star like weapon I’ve heard rumors about?_

A small pain formed in your head that snapped you back to reality.  Kylo’s mask was now staring directly at you.  Out of the corner of your eye you could tell the ship was traveling through hyperspace.

“Are you having second thoughts about coming with me?” he asked.

You were quickly growing to hate his mask and the voice distorter; you couldn’t tell what his emotions were.

“That man you killed back there, Luke, he was your uncle right?”

The question was blunt, but if Kylo was going to try and search through your thoughts, you figured you might as well be honest with him.

“Yes”

You both were silent and the pain in your head dissipated.

“Will you take off your mask?” you asked him.

For a moment Kylo didn’t move.  You expanded your feelings expecting to feel the normal level of anger coming from him, but instead you felt nothing.

Slowly Kylo raised his hands and pressed a spot on his helmet.  You watched as it emitted a hissing noise and the part near his mouth began to rise up and outwards.  Using both hands he took off his mask and placed it down next to him. 

Upon seeing his face you closed your eyes, let out a breath of air and began to relax a little more.  This was the Kylo you were used to.

“Thank you” you smiled and your eyes met his gaze.

His eyes were filled with concern; this caught you off guard as your heart skipped a beat.

_Is he worried about me?_

“Are you hurt?” he asked his voice monotone.

“I don’t think so” you broke the gaze and looked down at yourself.  Besides for a few scratches and newly forming bruises you were ok.  “Are you hurt?”

“Nothing serious” he shook his head.

“So… this Finalizer… what exactly is it?”

“It’s a Star Destroyer; basically a large ship.  You will reside on it until I tell you otherwise” Kylo stated plainly.

“Wait! Will you be there?”

“Some of the time”

“But what if…” you trailed off not wanting to voice your concern.

Kylo turned away from you and looked out into the emptiness of space.

“I will not harm you, just like I promised.  However, once we enter the Finalizer, I cannot promise your safety.”

_He can’t promise my safety? Fuck! What have I gotten myself into! Kylo won’t hurt me but other creatures might?  Does that mean that Kylo isn’t strong enough to stop them?  What kind of creature is stronger than Kylo?_

The voice you heard in your dreams weeks ago echoed through your mind, “Find him”.

_Or are there people who have authority over Kylo? If they ordered me to die, would Kylo stand by and let it happen? Was I naïve to think that I could actually make a difference by supporting Kylo?_

Your heart began to sink as a feeling of loneliness began to sprout from within you.

_Kylo is powerful, strong, a leader in the First Order; he doesn’t really care about me.  He has much more important things to focus on than looking after my safety._

With a hiss and a click you realized Kylo had put his helmet back on. 

There you were sitting next to him, yet you felt like he was worlds away.

“When we arrive at the ship I want you to stay closely behind me.  Do not talk unless I tell you to.  If you want to live through the day you will follow my orders.”

You nodded at him but turned to face the windshield.  What had you gotten yourself into?

 

Anticipation was strangling you, and it didn’t help that you could sense Kylo’s uneasiness as well.  The ship was docking, and you were terrified of what was about to happen.  When you felt the ship had landed, Kylo stood up and you instantly rose as well.

“Stay close and try not to look afraid” he said as he began to stride towards the hatch of the ship.

“Kylo wait!” you exclaimed.

He stopped and turned his head to look at you from over his shoulder.

You breathed in and confessed, “Thank you for saving me earlier… you didn’t have to and if I end up dying on this ship for whatever reason… I- I just… my death will be my fault, not yours.”

Kylo stood frozen for a moment before responding, “I wouldn’t have brought you here if I didn’t believe that you had a chance at keeping yourself alive.”

With that he turned back around and began heading down the exit ramp with you trailing behind him.

Kylo’s statement had comforted you a little and made you feel slightly less useless.  It was what you needed to hear to keep your confidence up enough to handle what was about to happen.  As you followed Kylo down the ramp, you tried your best to keep your eyes forward.   However, you couldn’t help but notice that all around you were masks, Stormtroopers, watching you.  You became aware of Kylo’s irritation growing rapidly as you both were walking towards a red haired man. 

Kylo stopped in front of him, and you watched as the man’s gaze moved from Kylo to you.  He gave you a once over and his face fell to a look of disgust.

“Did you make a friend while you were away?” he mocked as his eyes drifted back to Kylo.

Kylo’s hands were balled into fists; his anger boiling hotter and hotter with every word the man spoke.  You wanted to try and calm him, but you weren’t sure if he wanted you to or if you even could.  It was hard enough for you to keep yourself calm right now.

“She is none of your concern” Kylo stated.  “Did we secure Skog?”

“We did” the man replied keeping his focus on Kylo, “I assume your battle with the Jedi went well?”

You took a step back, readying yourself for when Kylo would explode from his annoyance.  You looked around to see if anyone else seemed to sense that Kylo was a supernova about to happen, but almost everyone else in the room was wearing a mask and you couldn’t tell what they were thinking.

“Skywalker is dead, but the girl got away.”

“Shame, rumor had it that the girl was the one to leave you barely alive during the last battle on Skog.”

Before the red haired man had finished his sentence, you had made the snap decision to try and calm Kylo down.  You expanded your feelings towards him and with much surprise he accepted your gesture instantaneously.

You silently took deep breaths in and out trying your best to not have him go over the edge.

_This guy obviously knows Kylo from before; doesn’t he know what he is capable of? Does this man have a death wish?_

“Supreme Leader will want to see you” the man stated.

“As I do him” Kylo replied coolly as he began to flex his fists.

“Come” Kylo instructed you without turning around.

You both began to walk forward but the red haired man stepped in your way. 

“You can’t bring her there!”

Kylo whirled around and stated, “He will be expecting her as well.”

The man’s lips pinched together tighter than before, and his pale face began to turn pink with frustration.  Not looking directly at him, you sidestepped around the redhead and began to walk towards Kylo.

 

The hallways of the Finalizer all looked the same.  With every turn you made, it seemed to put you in another hallway that was identical to the last.

_How does Kylo know where he is going right now?  How does anyone ever know where they are going in this place?! There is more of a chance of me getting lost and dying from starvation than actually having someone kill me here!_

Your thoughts were interrupted as you both turned down another hallway and your gut suddenly twisted inside of you.  Wincing, you grabbed your stomach but kept walking.

_What is this feeling?  It’s like an overwhelming sense of dread!_

You slowed your pace a little, but Kylo didn’t seem to notice.  The distance between you two began to grow and so did the feeling of loneliness inside of you. 

_Is this the force trying to warn me about something?_

You saw Kylo turn down another hallway and you hurried to catch up with him.  As you turned the corner you practically ran into Kylo.  Holding out your arms, you took a step back and saw that he was standing in front of two larger doors.

“What i…”

“Quiet” Kylo interrupted you.  “Do not speak unless spoken to and keep your thoughts to yourself; he can read them.” 

With those words of wisdom Kylo opened the large doors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously apologize for this chapter taking so long. School and work have been crazy, and on top of that I wasn't totally happy with where the story was going after they left the planet. To be honest, the next few chapter releases will be sporadic. :/ But I am still writing and rewriting when I have time! To everyone who is still reading this far, I seriously cannot thank you enough. You are the best!! :) Thank you for your support!
> 
> As usual, comments are always appreciated!!


	28. Supreme Leader pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your POV

Every piece of instinct in your body was screaming at you to not go through those doors; something bad was in that dark room.  Pausing at the door frame, you considered running back the way you came.

_No I need to be brave! Kylo has faith in me that I can survive whatever threats this ship and the creatures on it pose.  Just keep following Kylo…_

You pursued him into the darkness.

Not knowing how large the room was, you tried your best to expand your feelings to search for another presence besides Kylo’s; but there was none. 

Up ahead of you, Kylo had stopped and kneeled on one knee.  Suddenly a light switched on a few feet away from Kylo.  It illuminated a large empty chair.

You stood there, gaze drifting back and forth between Kylo and the chair.  Then, a force pushed you from behind and you fell on your hands and knees.  Your hands hit the floor with a slap as a large holographic image appeared in the chair.  A bald creature with a distorted, pale face towered over you.  The hologram must have been at least twenty feet tall.  The creature’s eyes were sunken in, his skin around his mouth was tight and wrinkly, and he had a large scar running along the top of his head.

A hissing noise came from next to you, and you diverted your gaze to see Kylo taking his helmet off.

“Commander Ren” the hologram’s voice rang through the empty room. “It’s nice to see you alive”

_This voice! It’s the one from my dream!  This must be the Supreme Leader Snoke that Kylo mentioned!_

Your body began to shake as your gut twisted into tighter knots every second.  Who knew a holographic image of someone could cause this much fear in you.

“Supreme Leader… I apologize for my late return” Kylo’s calm voice did little to sooth your worries.

“Why did you bring the girl back here?” Snoke asked leaning in as if to have a better look at you. “I thought your rage would have gotten the best of her.”

Instantly you rose to your feet and instinctively your legs moved into a fighting stance.

“I believe she can still be of some use to me” Kylo replied coolly. “Did you not send her the dream to find me because she is force sensitive?”

“The force guided me to her.  I reached out to her because I foresaw that she would help save you.”

You didn’t like this one bit.  They were talking like you weren’t right in front of them, but you didn’t know how or when to intervene. 

“Do you know what else she is capable of?” Kylo questioned.

Snoke leaned back in his chair, “Explain.”

You looked at Kylo whose eyes were glued upward towards the hologram’s face.  He was about to speak again, but suddenly seemed to hold his tongue; deliberating about what he was going to say.  After a pause he carefully explained, “She rarely uses her force abilities except to calm people around her.  She is quite good at it.”

Snoke’s hologram leaned back into the chair as he debated something in his head.

“Then she may still be of use to you” he concluded.  Then turning his expression to you he raised his hand.

A sharp pain formed in your head.  You knew where this was going and you didn’t like it.  The pain intensified and you could no longer stand and endure it.  Falling to your knees, your vision went dark.  The darkness only lasted a moment as memories of your time spent with Kylo began to flash through your mind.  As the pain grew, the memories spun through your head faster and faster until suddenly it stopped.

Opening your eyes, you found yourself on the floor of the dark room.  Clutching your head, you were kneeled over in pain.  Even though the interrogation had stopped, there was still a stinging of pain behind your eyes.

“She can stay” you heard Snoke conclude over your labored breathing.  “Now leave us.”

You weren’t entirely sure if that last demand was directed at you, but you could deduce as much.  Carefully you lifted to your feet while still clutching your head.  You glimpsed at Kylo who was watching you with a blank stare.  A slight feeling of desertion sparked inside of you as you turned around and headed for the door.

Once outside of the room, you looked down the deserted hallway.

_Where do I go now? What do I do?  Should I stay here and wait for Kylo?_

Deciding that it was in your best interest to wait, you let your back fall into the wall and you slid down it until you were seated on the cold floor.  Cradling your head again, you hoped that Snoke hadn’t seen _everything_ that you had done with Kylo.

_Would Kylo get in trouble if Snoke found out we had sex?  I certainly don’t think he is allowed to form attachments.  But Kylo hasn’t formed an attachment to me.  I’m beginning to think it is more the other way around…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know how many people are still reading this...   
> However, it's Thanksgiving break for me and that means I have time to write and post!! YAY! :)   
> Comments are always appreciated!


	29. Supreme Leader pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo's POV

Kylo watched as you left the room, trying his best to suppress any sort of pity or empathy he had for you.  Having been subjected to Snoke’s prodding many times he knew how much it could hurt. Still, he was worried at what your memories might have revealed to Snoke.

_How much did Snoke see in her memories?  He is letting her stay here but…_

“Do you remember…” Snoke started, “…what caused the downfall of the great empire your grandfather controlled?”

“Sentiment” Kylo stated coolly.

“Yes” Snoke hummed.  “Do not let it be your downfall as well.”

Kylo’s gaze hardened.  “It will not.  With your teachings, I will not sway from my path.  Skywalker is dead; his death has only strengthened me.  I will prevail, no matter the cost.”

“Good” Snoke sneered, “When you have learned what you need to from the girl, finish her.”

Kylo knelt on one knee, “Yes Supreme Leader.”

With that the hologram disappeared and Kylo was left alone in darkness.

After a moment he picked up his helmet, stood up and left out a deep breath.

_I have to use her, learn what I can from her, and kill her.  But can I kill her?_

Last time he had asked himself that question he was sure of his answer.  He couldn’t say the same for this time.

 

Kylo found you outside of the conference room cradling your head in your hands.

“How is your head?” he asked glad that his mask’s voice distorter masked his concern.

“It’s been better” you stated looking up at him.

“Follow me” he turned and began to walk down the hallway.

The both of you winded down the hallways, only passing a few Stormtroopers along the way.

Eventually he reached his destination and waving his hand he opened the doors in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two chapters were short, but I have another one fully written! I just need to revise it and then I will post it too! For anyone who celebrates thanksgiving this week, I hope you enjoy the holiday! :)


	30. Getting into Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your POV

You stepped inside what looked like an apartment.  Directly in front of you was a small living area, to your right side was an open kitchen with a high top counter separating the two rooms, and past the living room was a wall with three doors.

“You should stay here for the time being” he stated.

“Is this your home?” you asked him.

“Yes.  You will be safe in here.”

You nodded your head in agreement.

“I have some things that I need to take care of.”

“Right” you replied.

_He’s back with the First Order now.  He obviously can’t be spending all his time with me.  He is a Commander; he has a job to do._ You tried to convince yourself of this as loneliness crept through your limbs and swirled in your stomach.

Kylo stood there for a moment longer, his mask staring at you, before he turned and walked for the door.

“I will be back” he said before exiting the room.

 

 

You weren’t sure about how many hours you had slept, but you knew it had to have been at least a full eight hours.  You half expected Kylo to be back by then, but when you opened your eyes and saw his living room still dark, you knew he hadn’t returned.  Sitting up on the couch you looked around the dark room; your stomach growling.

_How many hours has it been since I have eaten a real meal?_

You turned on the lights and made your way towards Kylo’s kitchen.  Your stomach growled louder as you opened up the fridge and cabinets to find them all empty.

_Of course they would be empty! He hasn’t been here for months!_

You spun around on your heels; your eyes scanning the room.  Your gaze skimmed past the three doors to your right; you had already tried to enter into all three rooms.  Unfortunately, only one room was unlocked and it just led to Kylo’s plain bedroom.  The bed was huge and looked comfy, but in the end you had decided to nap on the couch.

_What am I supposed to do now?  It’s not like I can go anywhere and get food because I have no idea where to go! Plus, I don’t think I want to wander around this ship by myself.  Kylo told me to stay here, but how long is he going to be gone?  He has to come back and sleep sometime, right?_

Your eyes fell on a couple of books on a side table in the living room.  You began to walk towards them when you heard a knock on the door.

_Shit! Who the hell is knocking? Should I answer…_

“Dinner!” someone called from the opposite side of the door.

They had said the magic word; instantly you hurried towards the door.  You saw a button on the right side and pushed it.  The doors opened up to a Stormtrooper holding a tray of food.

“Come in” you smiled, happy to talk to someone.

The Stormtrooper walked in and set the tray down at the kitchen counter.  You watched him pause, look up at you, and head back for the door.

“So, uh, what’s your name?” you asked stepping in front of the door to block his exit.  You really just wanted to talk to someone.  Maybe it would take the edge off your loneliness and slight anxiety.

“JT4391” the trooper replied as he stopped a few feet from you.

“That’s your name?” you asked in disbelief.

“Yes” he replied simply.

“Well, uh, my name is (Y/N).  It’s nice to meet you JT4391” you stuck out your hand to greet the man. 

He flinched as you extended your arm towards him. _Is this guy afraid of me?_

When he realized you just wanted a handshake he carefully extended his own hand and gripped yours.  His grip was harder than you were expecting.

“Sooo do you live on this ship?” you asked as your outstretched hand moved to scratch the back of your head.  The gesture was a nervous habit you formed when you found yourself in awkward situations.

“Yes I do” the Stormtrooper replied carefully.

_Geez, this guy isn’t much of a talker._

“Well… what do you do for fun around here?” you asked.

Because of the guy’s mask you couldn’t tell if he was surprised by the question or not, but he took a moment to respond.

“We have an open game room, a gym and a small movie theater.”

“Wow! This ship is all decked out!” you laughed.

The trooper did not laugh with you.

“Would you mind showing me where those rooms are?  I am new here and I have no idea where anything is.  We could even play some games together if you are up for it!” you tried to make the offer sound appealing as possible.

“Actually, I am on duty right now” he replied.

You huffed. _Of course he would be on duty; he is wearing his uniform and all._

“Well when do you get off?” you asked. “You wouldn’t have to play the game with me; you could just show me where the rooms are.”

You didn’t know when Kylo was coming back, but you were afraid it wouldn’t be for a while longer, especially since he had sent someone else to deliver food to you.

“Would Commander Ren be ok with that?” he asked as his voice shook a little.

Even though you knew Kylo had told you to stay in the room, you lied to the trooper and replied, “I’m sure he is ok with it. What time do you get off at?”

“I’ll be done in an hour” he replied hesitantly.

“Great! Meet me back here when you are done” you smiled at him.

“Yes ma’am” he replied and stepped around you to get through the door.

 

Despite how hungry you were, you took your time eating your dinner.  Unfortunately, the goop that the Stormtrooper called dinner wasn’t that appetizing and it took you a while to get it all down.  At least it would curb your hunger for a while.  You spent the rest of your time paging through some books Kylo had laying around.

You sprang up off the couch when you heard a knock at the door.

“Come in” you smiled.

A moment later, JT4391 came walking into the room, still fully dressed in his uniform.

“Are you sure Commander Ren won’t mind?” he asked again.

“Don’t worry, he will be fine with it” you rolled your eyes and made your way to the door.

As you walked with him through the plain hallways, other Stormtroopers seemed to slow down and look at the two of you as they went by.  You could even hear a few of them whisper to each other as soon as they had passed you.  The attention wasn’t helping your anxiety, and the more you walked the more you were searching your mind for something to talk to JT4391 about.

_Why doesn’t this guy have an actual name?  Did he ever have a real name?  How early on are Stormtroopers trained? Would he mind if I called him something else?_

“So, uh, I am not that good with remembering strings of numbers so would it be alright if I just called you JT?” you asked trying to make conversation.

“If you feel it is easier to remember” he replied as he turned down another hall and stopped at the first door on the right. 

He scanned his badge and the doors opened to reveal a large room with multiple T.V.s and table games.  People seemed to be gathered around the different T.V.s playing multiple video games and there were a group of guys gathered around an air hockey game.  Everyone in the room wore the same all black outfit; so when you and JT entered the room, everyone else seemed to look at the both of you.

“Here’s the game room” JT said extending his hands.

“Cool” you replied as you spun around to see everything.

A few people met you gaze as you looked around but others tried to avoid it.  When you turned back to JT, you saw he had taken his helmet off and held it under his arm.  His blonde hair was ruffled from being under the helmet, but his warm brown eyes matched his slight smile.  You relaxed a little as his face seemed to naturally emit a sense of kindness.

“So what do you want to play?” he asked; his voice sounded much nicer with the helmet off.

“Honestly, if you are willing to play a game with me I will play anything you want!” you laughed.

“Alright then, my favorite video game is Fantasy Flight 5.  It’s a game where you are piloting spaceships and have to defend your space station.

“Sounds good to me” you shrugged.

You both made your way over to an empty T.V. and JT began to set everything up.  As you waited, you noticed a few other people stopped what they were doing and began to focus on you two.

After a minute, JT gave you the controller and explained the controls.

“Do you want to start off on the same team?” he questioned.

“No way! That takes half the fun out of it” you smiled.

“Alright” he chuckled.

“Just don’t go easy on me” you warned.

“Suit yourself.”

The game started off a bit rocky.  You couldn’t remember the last time you had played any sort of game, let alone a video game. It took you a moment to really get all the controls, but after a few mistakes you were starting to get the hang of it.  JT was cursing under his breath, and you could tell he was really getting into it.  As the game went on, you too began to curse every so often and laugh when you made a stupid mistake.

More people began to gather around and watch you two play but you didn’t notice, you were too into the game.  Finally at the end, you watched as the words ‘defeat’ ran across your side of the screen.

“Aww man! That was really fun!” you smiled putting the controller down.

“Have you played this game before” JT questioned you with a raised eyebrow.

“No, I never have!”

“We’ll you were damn good for a first timer!  You were catching up to my kill rate at the end.”

“Can we do a rematch?” you questioned.

“Wait! Can we join?” you heard a voice call from behind you.

You turned around and saw a group of about ten people standing behind you and JT.

_When did all of these people get here? Were we being loud?_

Two other men stepped forward from the crowd.

“Hey guys!” JT smiled at them, “(Y/N), these are some friends of mine.  Do you mind if they join in the next round?  It can be a four player game.”

“Not at all” you said scooching over to allow them to sit down next to JT.

“You and I will be on a team” JT said pointing to you.

“We’ll win this!” you nodded your head.

You started the second game a lot better than the first.  You were keeping up with JT’s kill ratio, which put your team in first.  However, the other team was close behind and as the game went on everyone could tell it was going to be a close one.  The other two guys made a great team and had great communication, but you and JT had better skill and aim.  You could tell more people gathered around behind you as the group began to grow loud with extra comments.

“Go left!” you heard someone say.

“No, save your speed booster for later!”

“You better shake that person before they destroy you!”

You weren’t sure who all of the comments were directed at, so you tried your best just to concentrate and ignore them.  With only two minutes left in the game, your team was in the lead and the pressure was on.  Suddenly the crowd behind you grew quiet.  Out of the corner of your eye you saw your two opponents quickly drop their controllers and stand up to salute someone.  Turning your head away from the game, you looked over at JT and saw him standing at attention as well.  You turned around to see who they were saluting and saw Kylo standing in the center of the room; his mask staring at you.

Quickly you rose to your feet and outstretched your feelings; of course he was mad.

_Shit! I was so busy playing the game I didn’t even feel his presence come into the room!_

“Who let you out of the room and into here?” Kylo demanded.

“Kylo… it’s not their fault.  They… I made them take me here” you pleaded.

“Who was it” Kylo asked again, but his gaze had shifted to JT who was still partially in his uniform.

“Kylo” you repeated trying to stretch out your feelings and calm him.  Unfortunately, he blocked your offer.

In your peripheral vision you saw JT fly from where he was standing into the wall to his left.

“Stop!” you shouted and rushed towards Kylo.

You felt everyone’s gaze on you as you zeroed in on him, but you stopped right in front of him and outstretched your hand to grip Kylo’s bicep.  Using as much energy and bravery you could muster at the moment, you concentrated on your connection with Kylo and began to send waves of repose through him.  With Kylo being stubborn, you knew he would try to block it, but you were hoping at least some sense of calmness would go through to him.

You both stood there for a moment holding everyone’s attention.  Your eyes were closed tight as you put all of your energy into calming Kylo.  You could sense that he was blocking your attempt, yet he hadn’t pulled his arm away from your grip just yet.

The few seconds that Kylo kept contact with you felt like years.  When he did remove his arm, he was quick to grab you by yours and usher you out of the room.  Your eyes snapped open as he dragged you out into the hallway.  He was walking fast and you were practically running just to keep up with him.  It wasn’t until you had turned a few corners before he let go of your arm, however, he still continued to walk with the expectation that you would follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what does everyone think about this chapter? Do you think the Finalizer really has a game room like that?   
> I started working on the next chapter and I am kind of excited about it. However, finals are coming up so don't expect it out for at least another week or two :/ I am hoping once winter break starts I will be able to write a lot more :D


	31. Light in the Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This totally turns into sex...

Kylo didn’t turn around to look at you until you were both in his living room with the outside world completely shut out behind his door.  He stood there just staring at you and all you could do was blush with embarrassment and stare back at him.

“If the general had found you before I did, you would have been killed” he finally stated.

Averting your gaze to the floor you responded, “But you can’t just expect me to stay in here.”

“I’m working it out” he snapped.

_Was that really true?  And what possibly could ‘working it out’ mean?  Was he going to give you a job aboard the ship?  Was he trying to get you your own room to stay in?_

“I’m sorry” you apologized like a child, still not looking up at Kylo’s mask.

The loneliness that you had felt earlier began to creep its way back inside your veins and spread throughout you.  You began to retreat inside yourself, summoning whatever calmness and warmth left to take care of yourself.

“Your force has stopped” Kylo stated.

You looked up at him to see his helmet off and at his side.  His eyes were emotionless, but staring directly at you.  Biting your bottom lip, you furrowed your brows and tried to think of a way to respond to him.  How could you tell him that you needed to take care of yourself right now? You didn’t want him thinking you couldn’t handle being on this ship.

He took a step towards you and stopped, “You feel alone”. 

You couldn’t tell whether he asked a question or was just stating how you were feeling.

“This ship… has a funny way of making people feel that way” he confessed without letting his emotions show.

“Or maybe you are making me feel this way” you responded more harshly than you would have liked.

Kylo’s eyes narrowed at you accusation.

“I’ve been feeling it ever since we left Skog; you are retreating away from me” you tried to explain.

“I am trying to protect you” Kylo hissed through clenched teeth.

“I can protect myself” you said partially trying to convince yourself of the statement as the memory of Snoke passed through your mind, “You said yourself that you would not have brought me abroad this ship if you thought I couldn’t protect myself”.

“Part of protecting yourself is having the common sense to not disobey me!”

“Maybe I would be more inclined to ‘obey you’ if I didn’t feel you pulling away from me!  I know you have one of the most important jobs in the galaxy, but you can’t just bring me into your world to leave me behind in the name of protecting me!  I came aboard this ship because of _you,_ to help _you,_ because I believe in _you._   You want my help, so let me do what I came here to do.” 

You stopped only inches from him.  The whole time you were talking you were walking steadily towards Kylo.  Now you were less than an arm’s length away.

“Besides” you said in a whisper, “You’re Kylo Ren; you are practically unstoppable.  If there is a threat larger than I can handle, I know you can protect me.”

A small foreign inkling of warmth sparked inside of you. 

_Is Kylo figuring out how to calm other people?_

Your gaze drifted up to meet Kylo’s intense stare.

_Does he know what he is doing right now?_

“Follow me” he ordered before putting his helmet back on and heading for the door.

You stood there for a moment longer as you tried to make sense of the lingering warmth you were feeling inside. _I know I am not doing this.  It has to be coming from Kylo, but he doesn’t seem to realize what he is doing._

As you turned to follow him you decided to just enjoy the feeling and not press him further about it..

 

After winding through numerous hallways and trying to ignore passing Stormtroopers’ stares, you both arrived at a doorway guarded by two Stormtroopers.

“No one is allowed in until I come back out” Kylo stated.

The troopers nodded and one swiped their badge to let you both in.  As you entered into the room, your eyes had to adjust from the bright florescent hallway lights to the blackness of the unlit room.  For a moment, you wondered if another obnoxiously large holographic image was going to appear.  However, as your eyes adjusted, you noticed that the far wall was completely made of clear silica glass; revealing an almost panoramic image of the stars outside of the ship.

You hadn’t seen a scene like this in many years; your mouth dropped slightly open.  There were billions of tiny, multicolored lights illuminating the darkness of space.  A giant interplanetary dust cloud protruded from the darkness, interwove itself between hundreds of stars, and reflected their lights in magnificent shades of red.  You stared out at the scene in awe.  None of the lights were particularly close to the ship, which reminded you of how vast space really was. You didn’t know where in the galaxy you were right now, and you gladly let the old feeling of being utterly lost soak in.

Taking it all in, you noticed Kylo’s black silhouette blocking a small portion of the right side of the window.  While you walked towards Kylo, his silhouette reached up and took off his helmet, then turned to look out at the universe before him. You stopped only a few feet behind him and stood there in silence.

“There are creatures and forces out beyond this window that I still cannot understand.  While I am strong, I am still learning.  I cannot promise you that I will be able to protect you from every threat this galaxy imposes.”

“I’m not asking you to” you pointed out, slightly surprised at his sudden humility.

Kylo’s silhouette turned and began to stride towards you.  He stopped inches in front of your face, completely blocking your view of the galaxy. He put his hand into your hair.  The warmth inside you began to spread as you looked up at him.

“Still, I will do everything in my power to keep you alive” he breathed as his lips crashed into yours. 

You closed your eyes as everything but Kylo seemed to melt away.  Meeting the intensity of his kiss, you draped your arms over his shoulders.  His free hand grabbed at your waist and pulled you into him.  Placing one of your hands on the back of his head, you willingly helped to close the gap between the two of you.  His grip tightened as if he didn’t hold you tight enough, you would float away into the vastness of space. 

The warmth inside you was starting to mix with a heat growing in your lower stomach, and you began to move your hips against his groin. Kylo broke away from the kiss, closed his eyes and rested his forehead against yours.

“I like being alive” you joked, “but I came aboard this ship to help you.  Don’t hold me back.”

Kylo let out a sigh, “Fine, but you need to promise that you will follow _my_ orders.”

You paused for a moment to consider his request. “Fine” you breathed.

Kylo smirked and began to kiss you again. 

“Now take off your clothes” he commanded through kisses.

Suddenly the heat in your lower stomach flared as you instinctively moved your groin closer to his.  You positioned your hands to the bottom of your shirt and pulled it off over your head.  Breaking away from the kiss, Kylo’s eyes scanned your skin and watched as you unhooked your bra.  Even in the dark room, the glint in his eyes was unmistakable.  His hands slithered along your body and stopped at your exposed breasts.  As his soft lips touched yours, you felt his cold leather gloves grope at your breasts and play with your hard nipples.  You moved your hips against his and felt his clothed, hard length dig into you. 

You wanted him, and this time you wanted to be in control.  Acting on your need, you pushed him away from you with more force than you intended.  Not suspecting your sudden aggression, Kylo stumbled back against the glass wall.  His eye furrowed in confusion only for a moment before you felt a small pain in your head.

_Don’t stop me_.

Kylo’s expression twisted into another smirk as he watched you take you pants off.  Once you were fully naked, you cornered him into the glass and began sucking his neck.  A loan moan escaped from the back of his throat as his leathered fingers slid towards your cunt.

Moving his fingertips with the rhythm of your hips, he began to finger you.  His touch sent shivers through your body.  You missed this; you needed this.  You were a wet mess at his touch, and he was enjoying every second of the power he had over you.

“Fuck” you panted into his neck as he pushed his fingers inside of you.

Your eyes now open; you stared out into the galaxy and let yourself be taken over by the pleasure.

“Who do you take orders from?” Kylo whispered into your ear.

“You” you huffed as his fingers slid back inside of you.

“Who?” he asked teasingly.

“You, Kylo! I take orders from you” you groaned as he plunged his fingers deeper.

“Good girl.  Now come for me” he commanded as his fingers danced along your clit.

Your whole body shook as you came on his fingers. The stars in your vision blurred and your legs grew weak.  You wrapped your arms around his shoulders to try to remain upright while you finished coming.

For a moment, you stared out into space.  Still using Kylo to help you stand, you turned your gaze towards his face.  His lustful eyes met yours, but didn’t break the gaze.  The scar splitting his face seemed to glow pinker than usual.

This time your face broke out into a smirk as you commanded him to sit. 

Following the order, he sat on the floor and watched as your naked body straddled his.  You sat on his lap and began to undo his pants, which already were slightly wet from his precum.

Sliding his pants down his legs to give you better access, Kylo watched you with the intensity of the entire First Order army.  You positioned yourself over Kylo’s length and slowly settled down onto it.  With a leg on either side of his thighs, you began to fuck him.  One hand on his chest pushing him back against the glass, you angled yourself so that his dick would hit just the right spot inside of you.  You closed your eyes and let the pleasure start to overtake you again.  You could feel his eyes scanning your body, watching you move up and down as you pleasured yourself on his dick.  You felt the coldness of his now bare hands trace along your arms, breast and finally your waist.

Soon enough his breathing began to grow heavier and his hands gripped your waist.  You began to bounce fast and harder than before.  His hands were digging into your skin as he tried to move you even faster.  You opened your eyes to see Kylo with his head resting against the glass, eyes closed, and losing himself in the feeling of being inside you.

Leaning in to kiss him again, you focused your attention on his bottom lip. You began to bite and suck until he couldn’t take it anymore.  Overcome by his ecstasy, he grabbed you and pulled you to the floor and placed himself over top of you.  He began to pound into you and you wrapped both legs around his back in an attempt to stay in position.  His eyes were now staring directly into yours; his hair falling in a way that blocked the rest of the room from your vision.  All you saw was Kylo, and all he saw was you.

“Fuck (Y/N)” he huffed. He wasn’t far from his climax, but neither were you.

Wanting to push him over the edge you begged, “Kylo please make me come”

Kylo’s mouth opened slightly as his rhythm became erratic.  His grip on your waist tightened even more, and you watched his lips twitch as he came inside of you.  This sent you over your edge as you tightened your cunt around him and came a second time.

Neither of you moved as you both tried to regain your breath.  Your hand found its way to his face and you left it cupping his right cheek.  He seemed to freeze at your gentle touch like you two hadn’t just fucked and touched each other five seconds ago.

“Don’t withdraw from me” your voice was more pleading than you would have liked it to be.

Kylo closed his eyes and pushed his cheek into your hand even more. “If only I could” he replied before standing up.

You watched him buckle up his pants and then collect your clothes from the floor.

He watched as you slowly dressed again.

As the heat inside your stomach died down, you were left with the faint feeling of comfort inside your chest.

You smiled as you thought, _I could get used to this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought writing these sort of chapters would get easier over time, but honestly it really doesn't hahaha Thanks for waiting for the update everyone! Leave a comment and let me know what you think about it. Or talk to me about Rouge One! (I loved it!!!! Especially the Darth Vader scenes!)


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